Colonel Mustard

Unsmoked, back, the more thinly sliced the better. Just this side o' crispy is perfect. Brown sauce is a must. Agree that ketchup on bacon butties is treasonous. Obligatory steaming hot cup of tea to accompany is taken as read...

Back to the bullsh!t bingo for a minute, and a real-time update: I've been in a "teleconf" meeting this aft with some barra-boy from Laaandann who told me that "we need to be box clever". Not that "we need to box clever", which would be bad enough in its own right, but that we need to BE box clever. EH??? For f*ck's sake. I give up.

And sadly this sort of linguistic garbage permeates my working day too. Total bullsh!t. People talk about "radars" like it's normal ("get it on my radar, Keith"). Other popular (and fkin infuriating) ones are: Pick the low-hanging fruit Can we do this as well whilst the bonnet's up? We're trying to boil an ocean here... Don't drop the ball... Get your arms around the problem... Get some traction on the issue... I could go on, but I'm starting to feel sick. Take me back to the halcyon days working on Bolton market or sweeping floors at Warbies...please...

Justgiving always used to be the most reliable - and hence the weapon of choice - but I've had problems with it recently (as have many others) in terms of it not liking certain browsers (commonly used ones as well e.g. IE6) and going into infinite loops when trying to donate. Lots of people have therefore bailed out and started using Virgin, which seems to do the trick...

Aye, one of those "complex" transfers apparently with 3rd party ownership being a factor, but fee was reported to be between 7 and 8 million...

OK so it's a Man Yoo subject, but watching their game against Crawley I was left wondering if I'd ever seen a performance at the (supposed) "top level" as bad as Bebe's. Their wasn't ONE thing he did right - ball control, bodyshape, all totally wrong. Even worse than "George Weah's cousin" who hoodwinked Souness into giving him a game (well half a game) for Southampton. He...is...fkin...gash. Discuss...

Have to admit I thought this thread was gonna be about how the sands of time had caught up with us all... Nonetheless, it's brought back good memories of mooching about, climbing trees/the pylons up Cow Lane, nipping to the corner shop for 40 Embassy No 1's as a 7-yr-old (for me Dad)...AND... Chinese Arrows. Anyone else remember these? Made them out of those green garden centre plant sticks - sharpened the end to a point, cut a notch in the top and launched them with the aid of a shoelace. Originally it was just a comp to throw them the furthest but then it graduated/descended into chinese arrows fights between two groups. Looking back it was madness, but remember it being good fun at the time...

I didn't so much giggle, as rasie my eyebrows and dive straight in. In no way did I read the title as "Ministry of Transport" test. We'll leave it there...ahmmm.....

Ha - it ain't in Westhoughton is it??! Anyway, at risk of stating/reiterating the facking obvious, we've got to beat Birmingham away first. No mean feat. Although, I'll be honest, I'm more confident in our away form than in recent times. Have we toughened up mentally?? Or do we just play better in front of fans who actually get behind the team...

Sh!t, so am I

I think it was: "Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house?" "No" "Neither has he" Them wurt days, eh?

Hey, NB - sometimes it just happens . One of the many crosses we men have to bear / many fun parts to being a bloke [delete as appropriate]

A minor point, maybe - but a very valid one . His "free time" line just left me with my head in my hands thinking "I have nothing in common with these people"...

It isn't just you, Homer. Here's one more at least. Annoys the f*ck out of me, not just because I don't believe in the ethics of it, but also because I know from personal experience how hard it is to get money from the state when there is a genuinely deserving case (in this case my old man, who actually WANTS to work, but can't, and now finally claiming disability benefit after months of jumping through bureacratic hurdles to prove he can't actually walk unaided.) Anyway, off the soapbox, Mustard...

OK, apologies for the male-centric lavatorial nature of this topic, but I need your views - I've just been to the gents at work (I work in an office) - was standing there having a gypsy's kiss, minding me own business. A work colleague of mine was also in attendance (he's someone I get on OK with), and I let out an involuntary (yet audible) air biscuit. After which this bloke has a go at me, calling me a "dirty b@stard" - it was said in jest, but I could tell he genuinely thought it was out of order. Now I consider myself to have reasonable standards of behaviour, brought-up the right way, respect the elders, all that - but have I stumbled on a new taboo I wasn't aware of?? I didn't make an oafish Rab C Nesbitt show of it, didn't say "tek that ya b@stard" or owt, I WAS IN THE F*CKING TOILET....should I have gone in the traps to fart??!! I've asked a few mates in the office and (amazingly) opinion is split. Maybe it's because I work in Halifax. Can somebody please put me straight on the brave new world of decorum?? Confused, Daubhill.

Robinson at right back is not the answer for me - any winger worth their salt would roast him, he's that one-footed (however much "spiwit" he has). We're in a predicament, admittedly, but may as well keep him at LB where he's been playing well - moving him from there brings in yet another risk. Joey O'Brien's meant to be fit and he can play there - got to be time to call on him...

I think they'll beat us. And I'll be fkin gutted. 1-0.

Ha - chillax fellas - it's just an opinion. He couldn't have known of the space behind those two defenders (terrible defending 'n' all) - it was a risky move that came off - he could have turned blindly into trouble. Good touches in all of it - GREAT goal - I just don't think he was fully in control of the situation and he ahd some luck. You'll be talking about Paulo Wanchope next...

There was more than an element of luck to Elmander's goal. I'm not having it otherwise - he was never fully in control. Decent finish in the corner, notwithstanding. I feel like I'm reading The Emperor's New Clothes here... Humbug

What, you scored, but you practically had to knock her out to do so?

It's f*cking brilliant. The only box set I own (that you wouldn't mind your mum knowing you have). Probably helps that I'm also a neurotic b*stard, but stick with it, it's class...

It's the "did it died" bit that I find most disturbing though. I want to blame it on a typo, but....just......can't..... Colonel Mustard, syntactical snob.

OK, OK, see where each of the arguments is coming from, but I think a more relevant take on it as what we expect the lad to do in the future for us, based on past experience. I think that's his true value. Not decrying what he's done this season by any means, but that's just one element to the whole. For me, he's not good enough, however much he tries - we paid well over the odds and our expectations weren't met. He's had a couple of purple patches and though these have been material for us I for one wasn't one thinking he'd finally found his feet, more that these were fortunate runs of form. Faced with the option of not having an alternative, I'd keep him. Faced with the option of offloading him and replacing him with someone who's proven quality in front of goal (he wasn't), I'd offload him. Am I pissed off when I hear all this mercenary rhetoric? Yep, and he's a cnut if he's said owt aproaching that, but it seems the way of the world these days so I don't get too excited about it. I'm just bothered about what any player can do for the team, or not. Like in any business, it's all about making the right decisions for now...

2-1 Bolton. 19,451 watching.

Amazing stuff that...