Smiffs Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Received by text last week, still makes me giggle... Dad asks his kids 'Where's that thing we have for peeling spuds and carrots'? Kids reply 'she left home about a fortnight ago' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gonzo Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Knock knock.... Whos there? Lettuice..... Lettuice who? Lettuice in and ill tell ya! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gonzo Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I went to the doctors yesterday and said 'doctor,i keep thinking im a moth' The doctor replied 'its not me you need to see,its a shrink'... I said 'well i know that,but i was just passing and i saw your light on'..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gonzo Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I was in morrisons the other day,and out of nowhere this bloke attacked me with a lump of cheese and a carton of milk.... I thought how 'dairy'.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazza Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My dog ate a condom last night......Try explaining that to the Vet as it's hanging halfway out of his arse..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Site Supporter superjohnmcginlay Posted June 27, 2011 Site Supporter Share Posted June 27, 2011 Why did the Scarecrow win a Nobel Prize? Because he was outstanding in his field. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gonzo Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My wife said today she'd had enough and wanted a divorce because i had an obsession with 'the monkees'..... I diddnt beleive her at first.....then i saw her face.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorpey Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 From the radio last week ....... I'm best mates with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why. Made me giggle but god knows what reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Site Supporter superjohnmcginlay Posted June 27, 2011 Site Supporter Share Posted June 27, 2011 whats the first sign of madness? Suggs walking up the drive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gonzo Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Theres a new cookery programe on bbc1 featuring women who have sufferd domestic violence,its called.... 'cant cook,left hook' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big City Girl Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 White horse walks into a bar Barman says 'Hey, this pubs named after you' Horse says 'What? Derek?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HR Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My treatment for premature ejaculation is going really well. At one stage it was touch and go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Site Supporter superjohnmcginlay Posted June 27, 2011 Site Supporter Share Posted June 27, 2011 told the new girlfriend i suffered premature ejaculation, to be fair she took it on the chin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HR Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I was invites to the premature ejaculation societies annual dinner. I asked if it was black tie, they said 'just come in your pants like the rest of us' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juan.Kerr Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 How much do pirates earings cost? About a buccaneer. Where's your buccaneers? Side o' my buccan head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breightmet Boy Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Why does Edward Woodward have 4 D's in his name? Because if he never he'd be called Ewar-Woowar.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishbulb Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Q. What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A. A pilot, you fucking racist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevieb Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 whats black and white and red all over? A newspaper A sunburnt penguin A sunburnt zebra. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DazBob Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Q: What do you do if you see a fireman? A: Put it out, man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazza Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 whats black and white and red all over? A newspaper A sunburnt penguin A sunburnt zebra. that's the first joke I ever understood, I was about 4 The first one I remember being told was.... Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. I still don't get what was funny about it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clown Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Mick Hucknall's been done for shagging a rabbit According to police he was singing "Holding Back the Ears" and "Bunny's too Tight to Mention" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clown Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 My mate Sid's just been caught out by that ID theft Now he's just S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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