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Just now, Escobarp said:

No danger Miami is buying bing and before he’s even had a line some cunt has tanned it all. Not a chance. 

He is always the tanned cunt though  

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My uncle lost his battle to this in Royal Bolton this morning, so he will be one of today’s numbers.  last rites over the phone held by a nurse with no family there. made an exception yester

That was one of the loveliest things to ever happen. Stood in my garden sobbing like a baby! Proud to work for the NHS 👏👏👏👏❤️

I’ve sat with my mum who is slipping away, literally breathing her last today. She idolises the Queen, and whilst she didn’t in all likelihood hear that, I know she would have loved every single

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3 hours ago, boltondiver said:

I was offered a flu jab. Not bothering. I doubt there's little flu around and I'm not seeing anyone. Pointless in my view.

'Flu can sometimes open the gates for pneumonia.

Pneumonia can go bad roads and require hospital admission.

Extra admissions - especially as these admissions will be to respiratory wards (which may later also require escalation to HDU or ICU). These areas in particular need extra demand for beds like a dose of the clap at the moment.

I'm seeing no-one, going nowhere but the supermarket or to check on my decrepit mansion - I still had it ('Flu jab) t'other week.

The 'give a gipper my spot to have a Covid inoculation instead' idea is a nonsense as places doing the 'flu jabs currently aren't doing Covid jabs.

If you're offered a 'flu jab for free the NHS obviously designates you as being at risk - they don't do the 'flu vaccination drive annually for a laugh or to distract nurses from waddling, swinging the lead and reading The Sun tha' knows.

Get 'em done.

Edited by Youri McAnespie
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1 hour ago, Spider said:

You need to assert dominance with cats.

The only way to do it is boot the cunt into a nearby canal.

If it makes its way home, you have established yourself as the alpha.

At that point you can either throw it in a bin or launch it across several gardens.

I prefer dogs but have warmed to cats - they like getting high, cats.

Dogs are pussies when it comes to drugs.

My mam and dad's Yorkie ate a carelessly left around 'teenth' once when I was home alone as a teenager - not mine btw 🙄. I managed to recover about a joint's worth from its jaws when I noticed it missing and the dog chewing. It lost the use of it's back legs and was tripping its tits off (it was a bitch) for about 36hrs.

Couldn't hack it.

I've seen cats rack up line after line of catnip, like fucking hoovers they are.

Edited by Youri McAnespie
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11 minutes ago, Youri McAnespie said:

'Flu can sometimes open the gates for pneumonia.

Pneumonia can go bad roads and require hospital admission.

Extra admissions - especially as these admissions will be to respiratory wards (which may be escalated to HDU or ICU). These areas in particular need extra demand like a dose of the clap at the moment.

I'm seeing no-one, going nowhere but the supermarket or to check on my decrepit mansion - I still had it ('Flu jab) t'other week.

The 'give a gipper my spot to have a Covid inoculation instead' idea is a nonsense as places doing the 'flu jabs currently aren't doing Covid jabs.

If you're offered a 'flu jab for free the NHS obviously designates you as being at risk - they don't do the 'flu vaccination drive annually for a laugh or to distract nurses from waddling, swing the lead and reading The Sun tha' knows.

Get 'em done.

Best get it done, then

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@boltondiver

Good man 👍.

I was in my GP's five minutes when I had it, one other bloke in the waiting room...

Sanitised at the door, temp taken on entry, masks mandatory, screens at reception, nurse in gloves and mask (she was in oversized scrubs so couldn't even make an estimated guess).

It's an in-and-out job, I've had miles more mither/risk going for a bottle of milk or fish and chips.

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got a dog, used to have a cat (well the mrs did before I moved in) and there was crossover

fun to watch - the dog wanted to be mates and play, the cat just wanted him to fuck off and leave him in piece

occasionally you would hear a loud high pitched yelp as the cat was re-enforcing his message to just fuck off

occasionally the dog got his wish and the cat would chase him in circles round the garden, the dog enjoyed it but didn't realise the cat was trying to twat him

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here they are:

dog - "come on, just play with me, please"

cat - "seriously mate, just fuck off and let me eat my tea in peace, you've got 5 seconds to fuck off or I'll rip your fucking eyes out"

tP6xQyg.jpg

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44 minutes ago, Spider said:

<Burglar, fresh into house>
 

”oh no, a cat, it might stare at me whilst I steal their valuables and car keys”

Wankers have dogs as a status symbol....FACT......look at me I'm hard with my staff outside Bargain Booze.

Considerate people have cats 🐈 ❤ 

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6 minutes ago, miamiwhite said:

My cat is trained to specifically claw any lefty pansies, hipsters or gingers to death 💀 😳 

My cat though, is one rather large cat, more like a Panther  😉 

Black panther?

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36 minutes ago, Ani said:

You do wonder why they did not choose the obvious cat  

https://www.churchill.com/churchill-dog/shop

Crawley and Miami sitting in a tree........

left and right unite.

Crawley and me are Pet Visionaries......give it another 10 years when you can't walk the filthy mutt and become a piss stained old tramp....... you will get a cat for company ......ITK FACT

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6 minutes ago, Youri McAnespie said:

@boltondiver

Good man 👍.

I was in my GP's five minutes when I had it, one other bloke in the waiting room...

Sanitised at the door, temp taken on entry, masks mandatory, screens at reception, nurse in gloves and mask (she was in oversized scrubs so couldn't even make an estimated guess).

It's an in-and-out job, I've had miles more mither/risk going for a bottle of milk or fish and chips.

This. Wasn't in there for 5 minutes though. Two tops.

Back home before my brew had got cold.

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38 minutes ago, peelyfeet said:

Most famous cats

Top cat - basically a mafia boss: A leader

Garfield- fat cunt, steals lasagne: Makes the dog do all the work

Tom - psychotic torturer: Keeps the house free of vermin

Mr Bigglesworth - evil bastard: Powerful

 

Most famous dogs

Scooby-doo - helps unmask criminals: idiot stoner

Lassie  - saves children who've fallen down a well: Idiot who couldn't even come home

Littlest Hobo - all round good guy: Tramp idiot 

Bouncer - shits on Mrs Mangel's flowers: Australian idiot who probably eats trifle

 

 

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5 minutes ago, ZicoKelly said:

here they are:

dog - "come on, just play with me, please"

cat - "seriously mate, just fuck off and let me eat my tea in peace, you've got 5 seconds to fuck off or I'll rip your fucking eyes out"

tP6xQyg.jpg

Also, I've never seen a cat eat it's own shit.

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2 minutes ago, Rudy said:

Black panther?

Absolutely mate, mine is a stunner.....she turned up at my door 12 years ago.....skinny as Spider's cock, and also as unloved, unfed and lacking in attention. 

Poor little thing had no tail either, how on earth could I turn her away ?

Never been a pet lover despite having quite a few old dogs in my time, but my Panther is precious 💖  

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1 minute ago, miamiwhite said:

left and right unite.

Crawley and me are Pet Visionaries......give it another 10 years when you can't walk the filthy mutt and become a piss stained old tramp....... you will get a cat for company ......ITK FACT

Are talking from experience?

My old Jack Russell would tear any cat limb from limb

Even with cataracts (no pun)

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Just now, DirtySanchez said:

Are talking from experience?

My old Jack Russell would tear any cat limb from limb

Even with cataracts (no pun)

Nah - mine woud have your dog's nose off and be making sweet lesbian cat love to your mrs before you could say pedigree chum.

She's had harder shits than a Jack Russell

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Just now, Tonge moor green jacket said:

Cats belong in curries.

Slightly left field that.

Speaking from a place of knowledge?

Actually, cats would be nasty to eat - any small carnivore's meat is too rich and not very nice.

If the zombie apolocalypse comes - eat your dog first. It'll be more palatable. Plus, it's so stupid, it'll probably hop into the pot and boil itself for you.

 

 

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50 minutes ago, peelyfeet said:

Most famous cats

Top cat - basically a mafia boss

Garfield- fat cunt, steals lasagne

Tom - psychotic torturer

Mr Bigglesworth - evil bastard

 

Most famous dogs

Scooby-doo - helps unmask criminals 

Lassie  - saves children who've fallen down a well

Littlest Hobo - all round good guy 

Bouncer - shits on Mrs Mangel's flowers.

 

You forgot to mention Kujo :D

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9 minutes ago, DirtySanchez said:

Are talking from experience?

My old Jack Russell would tear any cat limb from limb

Even with cataracts (no pun)

Bring it to my house then and let's see what happens 😏 

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15 minutes ago, miamiwhite said:

left and right unite.

Crawley and me are Pet Visionaries......give it another 10 years when you can't walk the filthy mutt and become a piss stained old tramp....... you will get a cat for company ......ITK FACT

Good point. Suppose you and your new comrade Crawley would not be able to walk a dog you piss stained tramps so need the company  

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