Courtesy of @Zico
right, my Ipswich story
first off, I absolutely gurantee 100% swear on what's left of my folks lives that this is true, ask my brothers, or mates, if you ever meet them
in the aftermath of the barry knight debacle, we're all licking our wounds on the bwfc rivals bit
as was the norm them days, ipswich fans came on giving it the large, dirty northern c๏ฟฝnts, got what you deserved etc
i took it personally
so go for a mooch on their section
loads of them on there "i'm a lifelong fan me, can't get tickets for wembley, gutted, beg beg beg"
so I gets this idea
I sign up a fake hotmail and rivals account called "portman_dave"
go on there and say I'm a lifelong fan too, got 4 tickets but mate has dropped out, 2 going spare, I want them to go to REAL fans, no JCLs, so email me telling me why you think you should have them
hour later i login to hotmail and i have loads of mails, loads
spend my dinner chuckling to miself as I read how they met bobby robson on their 5th birthdy, pictures with terry butcher as a kid, you name it, they'd done it
one bellend tries telling me he's that hardcore he went to Grimsby away on a Wednesday night with about 200 other hardy souls, his email account is @hull.ac.uk - clearly at Hull uni, clearly not that hardcore
then one guy mails me this proper sob story - in the past 12 months his wife has left him, took the kids, lost his job, stuggling to make ends meet, couldn't get to the games that season so missed out on vouchers blah blah blah
and leaves me his mobile number 07980 whatever
so I have this other idea
I mail him back and tell him he can have them for free, i'm quite affluent, his story touched me, I'll call you later with details
I then mail hull uni lad and say "grimsby away, wow, that's commitement, they're yours mate if you want them, call me later on 07980 whatever"
end of work I log back in, have mails from them both telling me i'm a right bastard I am and how could I do that to a proper football fans
so I mail them both back saying
"now you know how it feels to get shafted you cunts, come on you whites"
had a massive wank right after, it felt good