Shit jokes

[Dimron]

10 minutes ago, DirtySanchez said:

Bloke came into my local saying he was selling eight legs of venison for £200 

I said that's too dear

I asked him for a pound of venison, he told me he only served kilos.

Okay, I'll have a pound of kilos instead

[MancWanderer]

Two cannibals eating a clown

One turns to the other and says “Does this taste funny to you?”

[MancWanderer]

Clown got sacked by Billy Smart’s Circus

He's suing them for funfair dismissal 

[Alf Hartigan]

Went in the chippy yesterday and asked for a fish.

"Certainly Sir, it won't be long"

I said "It better be fat then"

 

[Traf]

Peter Kay is writing all these down.

Do you remember Calippos?

[Cheese]

Do you remember Funny Feet? Do you remember Yellow Pages? Do you remember dialling 1471? What was all that about?!

Edited May 16 by Cheese

[Traf]

 

[Traf]

 

[Dimron]

13 hours ago, Traf said:

Peter Kay is writing all these down.
 

Amateur

Eat Tommy Cooper's dust pal 😀

[batton carrier]

A bald cat gets on a bus and doesnt pay.

Driver shouts "oi cat where's your fucking fare"

[kent_white]

4 hours ago, batton carrier said:

A bald cat gets on a bus and doesnt pay.

Driver shouts "oi cat where's your fucking fare"

Nope - no idea about this one. 

What have I missed? 😁

[Cheese]

6 minutes ago, kent_white said:

Nope - no idea about this one. 

What have I missed? 😁

Fur.

[kent_white]

1 hour ago, Cheese said:

Fur.

Ah! 😁

[BobyBrno]

3 minutes ago, kent_white said:

Ah! 😁

It’s a shit joke thread.

It was shit.😊

[kent_white]

9 minutes ago, BobyBrno said:

It’s a shit joke thread.

It was shit.😊

I think it might be better not typed out! 🤣

[Dimron]

12 minutes ago, BobyBrno said:

It’s a shit joke thread.

It was shit.😊

My shit keeps coming out like chips.... went to the doctor and he cut 6 inches off my string vest

[royal white]

Have wasps Rugby Team got a B team? 

[Dimron]

1 hour ago, royal white said:

Have wasps Rugby Team got a B team? 

Went into the pet shop and asked for a wasp

"We don't sell wasps"

"You've got one in your window"

[jeep]

I used to work in a pet shop, but I got sacked for having my hand in the Trill......

[SatanGreavsie]

Human Cannonball dies in tragic accident at Billy Smart's Circus.

"It's terrible" lamented a distressed Billy. "We'll never get another man of his calibre"

[fatolive]

Took a girl to a French restaurant on our first date. She had frogs legs and chicken breast . 
lovely personality though 

[Dimron]

1 hour ago, fatolive said:

Took a girl to a French restaurant on our first date. She had frogs legs and chicken breast . 
lovely personality though 

Waiter, do you have frogs legs?

Oui

Then hop off to the kitchen and get me some soup in the basket

Edited May 18 by Dimron