Guest gemini Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you." "Yes," she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time's sake. "Oooooooh, Henry, you old devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers. There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's not any trouble." So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the Old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he's learned something about life that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching thinks, "that was truly amazing - that old man was going like a train- I've got to ask him what his secret is." As the couple pass, he says to them, "That was something else. You had sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?" The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence." :-$
HR Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a fancy dress party. He doesnt now what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note... 'Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The hat will disguise your baldness and with your wooden leg you will make an ideal pirate.' The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasised his wooden leg, so he writes a rude letter of complaint. A week passes by and he receives another parcel and a note... 'Dear Sir, sorry about our previous suggestion - please find enclosed a monks outfit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.' Pissed off that they are now emphasising his bald head, he writes the company a REALLY rude letter of complaint. The next day he receives a small parcel and a note, which reads : 'Dear Sir, please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup..... SCROLL DOWN >> > > > > Empty it over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your a*se and go as a f***ing toffee apple!'
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