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Wanderers Ways. Neil Thompson 1961-2021

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Posted

The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the A34 in Cheshire recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck"

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Posted

I get shit jokes like that every day from my old colleagues who have retired and have nothing better to do than sit at home all day emailing shit jokes.

Posted (edited)

A dreadlocked Rasta walks into a butchers, butcher says "Let me guess, buffalo shoulder?"

 

 

Police knocked on my door last night and said "We've reason to believe your dog has been chasing and barking at anyone riding a bike".

I said "Its not my dog, he's not got a bike"

Edited by Breightmet Boy
  • 9 months later...
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Posted

In a train from London to Manchester, a cigar chewing American wearing loud check trousers was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.
 "The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy.  You set yourselves apart too much.  You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us.  Look at me... I'm me!  I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood.   What do you say to that?"
 
The Englishman lowered his newspaper, looks over his glasses and replied, "How very sporting of your mother!"

Posted

A little Native American goes up to his Dad one day and says ' Father how do we get our names?'

'Our tradition is to throw open the door of the teepee and name the child after the first thing we see when they are born. Silver Moon over there was born at night. Mighty River's parents had their teepee by the riverside. But why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?'

Posted

A little Native American goes up to his Dad one day and says ' Father how do we get our names?'

'Our tradition is to throw open the door of the teepee and name the child after the first thing we see when they are born. Silver Moon over there was born at night. Mighty River's parents had their teepee by the riverside. But why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?'

Great joke, but it was doing the rounds in 1979.
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Posted

Cleaned the fridge out the other day, the only thing left was a bunch of herbs.

Later on, I thought I heard high pitched sounds in the kitchen. Went to investigate and could hear music, as I got closer to the fridge I recognised it was was a Beegees song.

 

Alas when I opened the door it was just a chive talking

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