superbobby Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the A34 in Cheshire recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars.The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck" Quote
Site Supporter Cheese Posted January 14, 2015 Site Supporter Posted January 14, 2015 I get shit jokes like that every day from my old colleagues who have retired and have nothing better to do than sit at home all day emailing shit jokes. Quote
BOWTUN BAKED Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I've just wasted a minute of my life that I'll never get back Quote
Breightmet Boy Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 The Edge & Bono walk into a pub. The landlord says "Oh no, not U2 again".. Quote
BOWTUN BAKED Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 What's the first sign of madness? Suggs walking down your garden path! Quote
Breightmet Boy Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) A dreadlocked Rasta walks into a butchers, butcher says "Let me guess, buffalo shoulder?" Police knocked on my door last night and said "We've reason to believe your dog has been chasing and barking at anyone riding a bike". I said "Its not my dog, he's not got a bike" Edited January 15, 2015 by Breightmet Boy Quote
Drew Peacock Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water.If it sinks: girl antIf it floats: boy ant Quote
Members bolty58 Posted October 26, 2015 Members Posted October 26, 2015 In a train from London to Manchester, a cigar chewing American wearing loud check trousers was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm me! I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood. What do you say to that?" The Englishman lowered his newspaper, looks over his glasses and replied, "How very sporting of your mother!" Quote
Breightmet Boy Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 A Scotsman, Irishman and Englishman walk into a bar. The barman says "You're out of order" Quote
kent_white Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 What do you get if you cross a joke and a rhetorical question? Quote
fishbulb Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 A little Native American goes up to his Dad one day and says ' Father how do we get our names?' 'Our tradition is to throw open the door of the teepee and name the child after the first thing we see when they are born. Silver Moon over there was born at night. Mighty River's parents had their teepee by the riverside. But why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?' Quote
Burndens Bogs Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 A little Native American goes up to his Dad one day and says ' Father how do we get our names?' 'Our tradition is to throw open the door of the teepee and name the child after the first thing we see when they are born. Silver Moon over there was born at night. Mighty River's parents had their teepee by the riverside. But why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?' Great joke, but it was doing the rounds in 1979. Quote
Breightmet Boy Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Said to the missus last night just after sex "Tell me something that'll make me feel happy and sad at the same time" She said "You've got the biggest cock out of all your mates" Quote
Site Supporter Tonge moor green jacket Posted October 30, 2015 Site Supporter Posted October 30, 2015 Cleaned the fridge out the other day, the only thing left was a bunch of herbs. Later on, I thought I heard high pitched sounds in the kitchen. Went to investigate and could hear music, as I got closer to the fridge I recognised it was was a Beegees song. Alas when I opened the door it was just a chive talking Quote
MancWanderer Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Tu Youyou has won this year's Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine Congratulations for also being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to Quote
Breightmet Boy Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi ? The people of Dubai don't watch The Flintstones but the folks of Abu Dhabi do !!! Quote
deane koontz Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 What did the blind man say as he walked past the fish market ? "Hey ladies!" Quote
fishbulb Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 Jimmy Savile, Rolf Harris and Stuart Hall walk into a pub in Ireland. Barman says 'Not yew tree again!' Quote
ZiggyStardust Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 Jimmy Savile, Rolf Harris and Stuart Hall walk into a pub in Ireland. Barman says 'Not yew tree again!' Quote
Breightmet Boy Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 (edited) Looks like another celebrity will be getting their Edina Birch coffin Just made it up myself, the coats on Edited December 8, 2015 by Breightmet Boy Quote
H Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 Viagra won't make you James Bond but it should make you Roger Moore Quote
fishbulb Posted December 25, 2015 Posted December 25, 2015 Tampax are doing a special edition tampon with tinsel instead of string.,it's for the festive period. Quote
Members DirtySanchez Posted December 27, 2015 Members Posted December 27, 2015 I saw Michael J fox in the garden centre today Well I think it was him, he had his back to the fuschias Quote
Moderators Casino Posted December 27, 2015 Moderators Posted December 27, 2015 we're gonna win tomorrow Quote
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