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Wanderers Ways. Neil Thompson 1961-2021

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Posted

John inverdale has just come up with a pearler on Cheltenham commentary when referring to someone as having "rose cunted spectacles"

 

Anyone done or heard owt similar

Was pissing myself in the car when I heard him say that!

Posted

There was a woman outside the bank in Cleveleys the other day faffing about with a strangers dog that was leaping up at her.

 

She kept saying "ooh can you smell my muffin?" Followed by "you can definitely smell my muffin can't you?"

 

I presume the woman has a dog at home called muffin.

 

Either that or she has a really smelly fanny.

Posted

Ha ha - Gonzo's story has just reminded me of something my Auntie once came out with when she saw the dog washing its bits.

 

'Ewwwww - don't lick your arse, you've just been licking my face'.

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Posted (edited)

Rmemeber my mum telling a woman about all the 'saddos' on a road further up the estate who all put loads of Christmas decorations on their house.

 

She was then politely informed they do it in memory of a little girl from that street who'd died a couple of Christmases earlier.

 

Nice one, mum.

 

Edit: iirc Gonch can beat that one hands down. :)

Edited by DazBob
Posted

There was that time I jokingly asked a shop assistant who was limping whether he'd hurt himself playing 5-a-side to which he replied 'No - I've got Cerebral Palsy'.

 

I learnt a lesson that day!

Posted

Rmemeber my mum telling a woman about all the 'saddos' on a road further up the estate who all put loads of Christmas decorations on their house.

 

She was then politely informed they do it in memory of a little girl from that street who'd died a couple of Christmases earlier.

 

Nice one, mum.

 

Edit: iirc Gonch can beat that one hands down. :)

The deaf and dumb kid? :-)

Posted

Haha, yeah that's the one :D

 

Tell the class.

Haha

 

For those that didnt see it the first time round...

 

I was out with my dog when he was only an adolescent,pre balls chop!

 

One walk he obviously got the scent of a lady and sprinted down the track well out of sight. I started to panic and jogged after him and came to a split in the path trough the trees.

 

As I approached there was a scally in stood with his back to me and his femal mate booting a ball about across the field from him. I shouted "excuse me mate did you see which way my dog went?"

 

Totally nothing

 

I shouted the same again slightly louder...

 

Totally nothing...

 

Even more panicked and angry that this little twat was ignoring me I shouted right next to him "oi mate! Did you see where my dog went?"

 

Again nothing!

 

So I lost it,spun him round and grabbed his collar and basically threw him on the floor shouting "do you think this is fucking funny?" In his face.

 

The lad was deaf and dumb.

 

He flapped about in the mud screaming like That T. rex at the end of Jurassic Park pouting at his ears.

 

His mate/carer came running over shouting obscenities at me. I apologised about a million times as I wiped the mud from his back haha

 

Never felt as bad in my life. The dog came back and I got his balls chopped off the week after.

 

Bad times.

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