Gardening Tips....

[Smiley]

Lawn is fucked. Loads of patches of grass missing. Went to garden centre - there's a gazillion grass seeds, patch magics, etc, etc. All seem to claim the same. But is there one better than the others and do they work?

[Carlos]

I've got a front and back. Dug the front up and laid new turf last year, this isn't that hard, 2 tonnes of sandy top soil and some turf, although the ground isn't as flat as I'd hope as I didn't let it settle properly. All good anyway, lush green lawn, joins slowly disappearing. Envy of the neighbourhood...

 

Back lawn is fucked from my diggging up all the borders, the soil is shit clay and I don't want to re-lay it as I'll have to dig all that out and wheelbarrow it to the front, skips are £££ etc. So... Forked the fucker into next week, top dressed it with sand and compost to improve the quality, need to carry on with this before reseeding properly. I don't think chucking seed on a bald patch will fix it, you need to solve the actual problem IMO. Going to FB some pics once I've finished.

Edited May 4, 2016 by Carlos

[Sweep]

Lawn is fucked. Loads of patches of grass missing. Went to garden centre - there's a gazillion grass seeds, patch magics, etc, etc. All seem to claim the same. But is there one better than the others and do they work?

 

Artificial Grass over the lot. Jobs a good 'un

[gonzo]

Dog piss is no good for grass.

[Traf]

Get Smiffs' lads to tarmac it for you.

[Guest]

Get someone in

[Sweep]

Get someone Carlos in

[Cheese]

Have you tried rubbing it with a bloon?

[deane koontz]

Put a mattress over it

[DirtySanchez]

A trampoline or a Mondeo on bricks

[Traf]

A day before your next holiday, get someone to ring the police telling them there are bodies buried in the garden.

 

Whilst you're away they'll do all the digging for you.

[no balls]

Dog piss is no good for grass.

I think it's just horny dogs.

[Youri McAnespie]

Pallets...lots of pallets. Instant decking.

 

Use those blue ones to add a nautical theme.

[gonzo]

I think it's just horny dogs.

My dog had his nackers off years ago.

 

Do you reckon our peg is taking little pisses in random parts of our garden overnight?

[no balls]

My dog had his nackers off years ago.

 

Do you reckon our peg is taking little pisses in random parts of our garden overnight?

Now that's a possibility. My pooch has certain places she likes to go. She's fucking odd.

[Spider]

Pallets...lots of pallets. Instant decking.

 

Use those blue ones to add a nautical theme.

 

Blue pallets are the brainchild of a company backed by Travis Perkins.

 

A bigger racket/cartel you will not find anywhere in the UK

 

 

 

As you were.

[Underpants]

Rake the lawn and get all the dead grass out. Cut the lawn. 2 days later weed & feed it. Water it then put some grass seed down in the patches. Not saying that's what the experts would do; but i did it and it worked a treat.

[Carlos]

Yep, you could scarify the fuck out of it, see how it goes.

[Smiley]

Do I put more soil over the top of the seeds? And do seeds go off? We did the scarifying, etc, etc a few weeks ago. Then sprinkled some seeds down (they'd been in a box in the shed for about 5 years). Watered it regularly. And had zero results. So now wondering if the seeds are "off". However, I didn't rake any fresh soil back over the seeds.

[Carlos]

I'd put more topsoil on myself, and buy some new seed. Depends on what sun they are getting, the part of mine that's bald but covered by neighbours twatting conifers hasn't had much growth yet.

[stevieb]

You lot need to get back into hard drugs, ale and football violence.

[athywhite1958]

I've just taken my front lawn up, having an Aztec circle laid next week,

For Sale:

Lawn mower

Strimmer

Electric rake

[Underpants]

Do I put more soil over the top of the seeds? And do seeds go off? We did the scarifying, etc, etc a few weeks ago. Then sprinkled some seeds down (they'd been in a box in the shed for about 5 years). Watered it regularly. And had zero results. So now wondering if the seeds are "off". However, I didn't rake any fresh soil back over the seeds.

Do this. I did it and it works. At dusk water the new grass seed then open your windows, point your speakers out and put some Tangerine Dream on. Or, and this is better, sit in the middle of the lawn and read the incubating seeds a story. Children's books are best.

[Tonge moor green jacket]

1. Scarify it.

2. Loosen soil or use new sandy stuff like Carlos.

3. Firm soil to stop settling later.

4. Rake lightly.

5. Seed at recommended rate.

6. Rake lightly and water on lightly if necessary to stop seed drying out.

7. Wait and chase off fucking pigeons. Shoot cats taking a dump.

8. Once sprouting ensure watering if dry weather.

9. Once around 3 inches roll it, then after a couple of days, cut it. Only a light cut. Never remove more than a third of its length.

10. Do not use any lawn weed treatment in the first few months. If must establish first. Manually remove any weeds

11. Use suitable feed. If using granular do not use on wet grass especially in warm weather, it may scorch.

 

12. Don't cut your grass too short like 90% of the population. Goes yellow, week and stresses.

[Tonge moor green jacket]

And yes grass seed goes off. Get fresh, worth looking on the internet for a seed mixture that suits your garden conditions.