stevieb Posted September 1, 2022 Share Posted September 1, 2022 1 hour ago, Leyther_Matt said: Our mental first aider is back on phased return after six weeks off…with mental health issues Do they have school age kids by any chance? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leyther_Matt Posted September 1, 2022 Share Posted September 1, 2022 14 minutes ago, stevieb said: Do they have school age kids by any chance? They do not Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gonzo Posted September 1, 2022 Share Posted September 1, 2022 19 hours ago, matty2094 said: Dementia can absolutely get to fuck. Without trying to sound naive/selfish, being one of the younger members on here, I never in a million years expected to have to go through having a parent with dementia this early in life. Just come home from a blazing row with my of retirement age dad who refuses to quit working full time to care for my mum. He doesn’t need the money but I can’t help but feel that work is his respite. The blokes worked full time for the same place for over 50 years - probably doesn’t want to give it up. The fact that the grill and hob have both been left on during the day by her, turned off by the carer and then he’s got home from work, she’s in the back street with nothing but an incontinence pad on, you’d think it would spur something but it just falls on deaf ears. I’m at a stage now where I don’t know what to do any more. I’ve got a tendency to just overwork myself constantly to stop myself stopping to think (if that makes sense) but there’s only so much bottling up one can take. I don’t really know what the point of this post is - it’s more of a vent really to an audience that won’t judge. Get it vented on here lad. Better on here than stuck in your head mate. Like alluded to above, your old man would probably crack himself retiring and taking on a full time caring role. Is there no way of spreading help across immediate family etc? Whatever you dont take it all on yourself pal, you need to keep your marbles and help others losing theirs My old man couldve retired 10 years before he did. But decided to ignore doctors orders after 2 back ops and about 300 mini TIA stroke things and carry on till he was 73. Now hes fucked, can barely walk. Hed do it all again though without a doubt, in fact hed still be grafting now if I let him. Some fellas are just wired up to die in their boots. Like you say, your Dads respite will be his work. Maybe he could reduce hours? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoadRunnerFan Posted September 1, 2022 Share Posted September 1, 2022 19 hours ago, matty2094 said: Dementia can absolutely get to fuck. Without trying to sound naive/selfish, being one of the younger members on here, I never in a million years expected to have to go through having a parent with dementia this early in life. Just come home from a blazing row with my of retirement age dad who refuses to quit working full time to care for my mum. He doesn’t need the money but I can’t help but feel that work is his respite. The blokes worked full time for the same place for over 50 years - probably doesn’t want to give it up. The fact that the grill and hob have both been left on during the day by her, turned off by the carer and then he’s got home from work, she’s in the back street with nothing but an incontinence pad on, you’d think it would spur something but it just falls on deaf ears. I’m at a stage now where I don’t know what to do any more. I’ve got a tendency to just overwork myself constantly to stop myself stopping to think (if that makes sense) but there’s only so much bottling up one can take. I don’t really know what the point of this post is - it’s more of a vent really to an audience that won’t judge. Really struggled with the bold bit over the last 4 years, parents had me late in life, dad's long dead and no siblings so it's been quite isolating looking after my mum even though she is in extra care housing. Get all the help you can. I read that you've already got carers in so guessing you have had an assessment from social services, Bolton Dementia Support do memory cafes a couple of afternoons a week, might help to expose your dad to other carers? Bolton Carers Support might be worth talking to as well. Though a lot of this stuff is mon-Fri 9-5 as main carer is usually a spouse and even children of dementia sufferers are often retired/semi-retired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members burnden Posted September 1, 2022 Members Share Posted September 1, 2022 Sounds rough that @matty2094 Hope you find a way forward with getting the old fella to help lad . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breightmet Boy Posted September 1, 2022 Share Posted September 1, 2022 23 hours ago, matty2094 said: Dementia can absolutely get to fuck. Without trying to sound naive/selfish, being one of the younger members on here, I never in a million years expected to have to go through having a parent with dementia this early in life. Just come home from a blazing row with my of retirement age dad who refuses to quit working full time to care for my mum. He doesn’t need the money but I can’t help but feel that work is his respite. The blokes worked full time for the same place for over 50 years - probably doesn’t want to give it up. The fact that the grill and hob have both been left on during the day by her, turned off by the carer and then he’s got home from work, she’s in the back street with nothing but an incontinence pad on, you’d think it would spur something but it just falls on deaf ears. I’m at a stage now where I don’t know what to do any more. I’ve got a tendency to just overwork myself constantly to stop myself stopping to think (if that makes sense) but there’s only so much bottling up one can take. I don’t really know what the point of this post is - it’s more of a vent really to an audience that won’t judge. My owd fella had dementia and drove my mum mad, wasn’t his fault, it really is a horrible thing and effects everyone differently and they tend to cope in their own way. We had to make the decision to put dad in a home so mum could cope, it was horrible having to phone all my brothers and sisters and tell them the time had come, she was at her wits end with him, they’d been married 60 years at the time and we had to separate them. Dad needed the meds to chill him out, he was calm and always smiling in the home, even when he didn’t have a clue who I was he held my hand. I hope you sort something out that suits you all, I know wedding vows say ‘in sickness and in health’ but dementia in our case needed 24hr care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Casino Posted September 1, 2022 Moderators Share Posted September 1, 2022 Dad hated putting my mum in Easier for me with my dad as he got sectioned He was basically loched up in a care jome and still had to pay 4k a month for the privilege Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matty2094 Posted September 1, 2022 Share Posted September 1, 2022 Thank you everyone, genuinely really appreciate your feedback. Thinking about it, when she was sectioned last May, it was probably the most relieved and relaxed I’ve seen my dad since pre-Covid. She was kept in Fairfield for almost 2 months and although he went visiting almost daily, not having the burden of care looked like a huge weight off his shoulder, even physically/visually. 5 hours ago, RoadRunnerFan said: Really struggled with the bold bit over the last 4 years, parents had me late in life, dad's long dead and no siblings so it's been quite isolating looking after my mum even though she is in extra care housing. Get all the help you can. I read that you've already got carers in so guessing you have had an assessment from social services, Bolton Dementia Support do memory cafes a couple of afternoons a week, might help to expose your dad to other carers? Bolton Carers Support might be worth talking to as well. Feel for you @RoadRunnerFan. Wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. She’s been assessed and has a carer in twice a day but she very rarely leaves the house. At the minute her medications giving her headaches daily so spends full days in bed and then she she’s not, she’ll sit in an armchair on her iPad and that’s about it. We’ve tried the memory cafes and support groups but it distresses her just having the neighbours see her. They live in Bury so I may well look for an equivalent. 5 hours ago, gonzo said: Get it vented on here lad. Better on here than stuck in your head mate. Like alluded to above, your old man would probably crack himself retiring and taking on a full time caring role. Is there no way of spreading help across immediate family etc? Whatever you dont take it all on yourself pal, you need to keep your marbles and help others losing theirs My old man couldve retired 10 years before he did. But decided to ignore doctors orders after 2 back ops and about 300 mini TIA stroke things and carry on till he was 73. Now hes fucked, can barely walk. Hed do it all again though without a doubt, in fact hed still be grafting now if I let him. Some fellas are just wired up to die in their boots. Like you say, your Dads respite will be his work. Maybe he could reduce hours? Sounds like our old men are cut from exactly the same cloth. He’ll be grafting till the day he drops. Unfortunately I was an only child and the only family she has is a sister who’s wheelchair bound so isn’t much help (as much as she tries to be). A couple of my mums friends have really stepped up to share the load in fairness but the vast majority is handled by my dad and then myself. I’ve mentioned the idea of working a day or two less a while ago but it was met frostily. I’ll re-approach that topic this week I think as being cold and realistic, she’s only going to deteriorate. Thank you again gents (and ladies(?)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smiley Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 Mum is suffering similar as did my gran. My mum has coped by drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a day. But at 78 she’s falling regularly. Recently been in Wigan hospital having a broken hip repaired. Sad thing is, her neighbours have gotten fed-up of dealing with her. And on this occasion, they finally snapped and decided not to help when they could hearing her calling out at 2am. Following day someone eventually went round to find her fallen and unable to move (been like that for 12 hours), got rushed into hospital, doctors said there was a 40% chance she wouldn’t survive the op. She did. Visited her, asked her how she had done it. Told me she fell on some rocks in the Lake District. Told me she had two women living at her apartment and another two due to move in the following week from Wales. Found a sandwich in her handbag, asked her where it was from… some bloke in Blackpool gave it to her. Daughters visited a day later, she asked them to bring some stuff clothes back in her hold-all, as her suitcase was still in Switzerland. I could write more and more. I think a book on dementia quotes and stories would make a very funny read. Anyway, shes now got 2 weeks in some care home for rehabilitation on her hip, I’ve asked that social services get involved now as I cannot have her moving back home. She’s unfit to look after herself. Not eating, getting smashed, falling. Whilst there today she was telling the physio about being in Dubai last week (what the fuck?!). Told me she was expecting a visit from my dad (who died over 13 years ago - and who she was divorced from in the 70s). But then the next minute, she answering half the questions on Tenable! Quite simply madness! Keep taking those cold showers folks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gonzo Posted September 22, 2022 Share Posted September 22, 2022 On 21/08/2022 at 12:42, gonzo said: Glad to say I didnt give up on this lad. Told a porky earlier on in the thread, hes actually a good mate, but didnt want stuff getting back. Hes currently on day 5 in a rehab gaff up in Scotland. Only allowed his phone for an hour twice a week, but he was on last night saying he was doing well. Cost an arm and a leg .... its a shame money seems to buy the best care. Fingers crossed it works this time. My mate has just come out after 5 weeks. They stripped him back to nothing. All prescribed meds, all drink and drugs obvs, got him training and got his diet where it should be then went from there. Couldn't imagine 5 weeks without a phone fuck me. Hes got a proper recovery plan etc. This is where the hard work starts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Casino Posted September 22, 2022 Moderators Share Posted September 22, 2022 my mate.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Site Supporter Tonge moor green jacket Posted September 22, 2022 Site Supporter Share Posted September 22, 2022 Good luck to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post bolton_blondie Posted October 2, 2022 Members Popular Post Share Posted October 2, 2022 So. This time Iast year. I was a wreck. Youngest was here, I was crying all the time, lonely but had a fake smile plastered on my face. Fast forward 12 months and a lot has happened. It's been fucking hard but I can honestly say I am the happiest I've ever been. Other than having my children. Thank you for listening to me and offering advice. You may be a bunch of knobheads but you are a cracking bunch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Site Supporter Tonge moor green jacket Posted October 2, 2022 Site Supporter Share Posted October 2, 2022 Well done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gonzo Posted October 2, 2022 Share Posted October 2, 2022 Ace 💙 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athywhite1958 Posted October 2, 2022 Share Posted October 2, 2022 Keep going BB, onwards and upwards Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MancWanderer Posted October 2, 2022 Author Share Posted October 2, 2022 2 hours ago, bolton_blondie said: So. This time Iast year. I was a wreck. Youngest was here, I was crying all the time, lonely but had a fake smile plastered on my face. Fast forward 12 months and a lot has happened. It's been fucking hard but I can honestly say I am the happiest I've ever been. Other than having my children. Thank you for listening to me and offering advice. You may be a bunch of knobheads but you are a cracking bunch. So, the local handyman turned turned up and fixed the dishwasher and changed the fuse on the hoover plug…… In all seriousness, good on you. Sounds like you’ve been through an absolute shitter and come through other side. Respect!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leyther_Matt Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 5 hours ago, bolton_blondie said: So. This time Iast year. I was a wreck. Youngest was here, I was crying all the time, lonely but had a fake smile plastered on my face. Fast forward 12 months and a lot has happened. It's been fucking hard but I can honestly say I am the happiest I've ever been. Other than having my children. Thank you for listening to me and offering advice. You may be a bunch of knobheads but you are a cracking bunch. Great news, good on you 👌 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomski Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 Well done BB. Nice to hear when people get through tricky spells etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little whitt Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 That Emma From Her Game Too at our place looks like she is having a bit of a Breakdown on TATTER was a nice girl when i had a chat to her at Plymouth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traf Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 18 minutes ago, little whitt said: looks like she is having a bit of a Breakdown on TATTER was a nice girl when i had a chat to her at Plymouth Linked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Casino Posted October 3, 2022 Moderators Share Posted October 3, 2022 2 hours ago, Traf said: Linked. i havent got a clue what hes trying to say Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Site Supporter Cheese Posted October 3, 2022 Site Supporter Share Posted October 3, 2022 8 minutes ago, Casino said: i havent got a clue what hes trying to say A woman called Emma, who is the BWFC ambassador for the "Her Game Too" campaign, has expressed on twitter that she is having some issues with her mental health. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traf Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 Just now, Cheese said: A woman called Emma, who is the BWFC ambassador for the "Her Game Too" campaign, has expressed on twitter that she is having some issues with her mental health. Shortly after being in a conversation with Whitt... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Site Supporter Cheese Posted October 3, 2022 Site Supporter Share Posted October 3, 2022 15 minutes ago, Traf said: Shortly after being in a conversation with Whitt... Yes I got your joke, I was just trying to explain to Casino what LW is talking about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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