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Wanderers Ways. Neil Thompson 1961-2021

Mental Health/Depression


MancWanderer

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On 13/10/2022 at 08:36, Smiley said:

I think control and then the lack of it is what has driven me over the edge in recent months. Things spiralling in a downward path that I have no direct control over…. It eats away at you every single day and night. Then when you try and help its brick wall after brick wall. The little things then start to irritate. You drink a bit more than you should. Open the fridge door a few times too many each day. Exercise drops off. Open up BBC News and its all just shit, shit, shit. Really gets you down and the worries then pile up.

Always felt able to deal with stress and maybe one or two major issues at the same time. But when its four and five issues, I’ve found myself getting in a state – only happened once before and I suffered massively with anxiety attacks. Not had them this time, but was unable to ship my daughter back down to Uni for fear of crashing my car (that’s how mad I had got with my thoughts!!).

Ah mate - sounds like it got really tough.

Hope you find a good balance and that the anxiety eases. 

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14 hours ago, gonzo said:

Funny how life has a habit of lulling you in to false sense of security of everythings alright, then bosh something happens that fucks everything up. 

My Bro, Wingman, business partner and everything in life fell off a ledge 20-25ft up on Friday morning. Id left him on the job having done the top level at 6am and legged it in to town from Cleveleys. He rang me from the deck to come back. Never could imagine how shit the situation was.

Got there as he was in the ambulance, blood all over street, he was screaming in the back, I dived in to hold his hand as they were cutting his boots off. Could see bone sticking out the side/back of his right leg. Never heard anyone scream like that let alone my big brother. Horrendous.

His other leg seemed equally as painful as they cut that boot off too.

As all this was on the main street in Cleveleys I had to stay and get his van and ladders sorted and back to base. He went off with the blues and twos and his Mrs was there waiting at the vic.

I knew nothing else but to carry on working. The full scale of the situation didnt really hit me till later on.

The X-Rays said hed pretty much shattered his right leg with open fractures and even more damming hes shattered his left heel.

Wheelchair bound for the foreseeable and now its a mission for the surgeons to even get him walking again and save his right leg.

They've operated on his right to make it stable, put en external mechano set thing all round it. They cant even think about piecing it all together till the soft tissue etc has sorted itself out.

The left, his shattered heel will be operated on tomorrow.

Went to see him last night and he was doing his best to be ok, but he was in so much pain.

Obviously his health and long-term mobility is the main thing but where it leaves us on a business front is mind boggling. That will be killing him as hes lay there. Hes a complete workaholic and weve both devoted our whole lives to get the business where it is today.

Sure folk just think we wander the streets like rag and bone men hoping for windows to clean but in reality we are limited company, loaded with work and contracts and more importantly two families and two mortages resting on its income. We start on zero every single day. Fuck knows what we are going to do :(

But I suppose that's all trivial when it comes to the boys health.  

He was optimistic/naively saying it could be 6 months last night. It was probably the morphine, but fuck me it will be a miracle is hes up walking about in a year. Took me 9 months to be back to work after my ankle fracture 11 years ago. 

Anyway sorry for bleating, dont do facebook and that so you cunts are all I've got to play my violin to :)

 

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Well done for opening up and sharing on here. Problem shared, problem halved. Family is the most important, do whats right by them first, small steps with the business, like someone else said just phone clients up and explain, they’ll understand and you’ll come out the other side ok.

All the best with everything.

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20 minutes ago, gonzo said:

Thanks so much for all the messages folks. Honestly means the world.

Fuck me my head proper went with it all.

Everyone's been sound as fuck and been inundated with offers of help for and well wishes etc.

Weve had an array of messages of a few different customers saying fuck the windows off for a bit but we will still be paying you. Utter madness and blows my mind how ace people can be.

More importantly our kid seems in a better place today after some seriously heavy days. Reckon yesterday was his lowest ebb, not helped by his precarious bowel movements :(

Ive had chat with occupational health today about rigging his house up downstairs. Be like DIY SOS with every tradesmen The Golden Eagle has to offer doing his gaff up.

Seen a few replies on here re insurance, yes hes got cover for 12 weeks as part of his life cover, not sure where he stands as we are limited company and will still have funds running through the business? All that will get sorted. Hes got time on his hands now :)

Hes in on Friday for his heel op and back in for his right leg next week. 

Thanks again to all who replied on here and elsewhere.

....fuck it Im off to Lanzarote to lie on a sunbed for 10 days on weds and prepare for the abyss of winter. Like a warm weather training camp.

Know it is tough but take a step back and work through the practicalities.

Money - is there enough in the business to keep you both going for 1. 2, 6 12 months ? Just getting a handle on that will give you a starting point. 
Contracts - Of the ones you have can you service them all ? If not can you sub contract ? Will your clients be OK if you need to do that ? Do you a contact you can sub contract to in short term ? 
Insurance - you mention his insurance, do you have any business insurance that might be able to help ? Do you use a Broker for you business insurance? If you do they will help if you explain circumstances and the policy has any cover.

Mortgages - speak to his mortgage provider explain circumstances they will probably agree reduced payments for a period if that might help 

You will have a millions thoughts going through your head, try and narrow down to those you can do something about rather than those you can do fuck all about. 
 

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11 hours ago, gonzo said:

Thanks so much for all the messages folks. Honestly means the world.

Fuck me my head proper went with it all.

Everyone's been sound as fuck and been inundated with offers of help for and well wishes etc.

Weve had an array of messages of a few different customers saying fuck the windows off for a bit but we will still be paying you. Utter madness and blows my mind how ace people can be.

More importantly our kid seems in a better place today after some seriously heavy days. Reckon yesterday was his lowest ebb, not helped by his precarious bowel movements :(

Ive had chat with occupational health today about rigging his house up downstairs. Be like DIY SOS with every tradesmen The Golden Eagle has to offer doing his gaff up.

Seen a few replies on here re insurance, yes hes got cover for 12 weeks as part of his life cover, not sure where he stands as we are limited company and will still have funds running through the business? All that will get sorted. Hes got time on his hands now :)

Hes in on Friday for his heel op and back in for his right leg next week. 

Thanks again to all who replied on here and elsewhere.

....fuck it Im off to Lanzarote to lie on a sunbed for 10 days on weds and prepare for the abyss of winter. Like a warm weather training camp.

and dont forget to send him that picture of you on the lounger with those beautiful legs of yours on show :D

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Wondering if there is ever an end to severe mental health issues, or if it's just going to be a constant battle. 

Heads well gone again, seems to be a constant thing. No bad thoughts though, so that's a benefit. 

Told my wife I'm going to carry on teaching and see out this year. Genuinely can't do it anymore, and it's a vicious cycle as the pays actually quite high. 

Going alone being self employed, but wife's not happy about that, as it's not guaranteed income. Issue is I know once I'm on my own I'm going to get really lonely. Been carpet cleaning for 5 years now, I've earnt a regular monthly amount part time for the last 9 months aside from July, which was only £500. That's without marketing, without a website, no promotion at all. It's roughly half my teaching bring home.

Leather cleaning is getting busier and gives me different avenues I can head down as a specialist. People don't seem to want to repair leather, loads will clean it badly.

I might just go get my class 2 license and drive a truck if it goes quiet. 

Edited by only1swanny
Needed to write down my thoughts somewhere
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7 hours ago, only1swanny said:

Wondering if there is ever an end to severe mental health issues, or if it's just going to be a constant battle. 

 

From personal experience, I don’t think it ever leaves you, it's there in varying degrees. 

Mines back again, in my case my heads just overloaded, (I know, it doesn’t take much, think Mars Attacks when the music comes on 😊), sorting my dad out (dementia), sorting family out, work, Colls, insominia. Everyone is different on how it triggers. 

 

 

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8 hours ago, only1swanny said:

Wondering if there is ever an end to severe mental health issues, or if it's just going to be a constant battle. 

Heads well gone again, seems to be a constant thing. No bad thoughts though, so that's a benefit. 

Told my wife I'm going to carry on teaching and see out this year. Genuinely can't do it anymore, and it's a vicious cycle as the pays actually quite high. 

Going alone being self employed, but wife's not happy about that, as it's not guaranteed income. Issue is I know once I'm on my own I'm going to get really lonely. Been carpet cleaning for 5 years now, I've earnt a regular monthly amount part time for the last 9 months aside from July, which was only £500. That's without marketing, without a website, no promotion at all. It's roughly half my teaching bring home.

Leather cleaning is getting busier and gives me different avenues I can head down as a specialist. People don't seem to want to repair leather, loads will clean it badly.

I might just go get my class 2 license and drive a truck if it goes quiet. 

Mate, I proper felt for you reading this.  I've no easy answers but can tell you, you're definitely not alone in what you're experiencing. Mate of mine who's a Bobby and has 3 or 4 years to go to get his full pension. Says he can't afford to leave now and miss out on thousands but his mental health is fecked and he's proper unhappy.  Personally, I think feck it, just get out now, feck the money and do something else that'll be better for you but then I'm not under the same financial pressures he is.

At least you've got options. Lots of vacancies around at the moment. (will comparative luxuries like carpet cleaning take a hit in these coming months?)and lots of retraining about too.

As said, exercise, come on here, keep going to the matches.  It can only help surely? Best of luck pal.

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8 hours ago, only1swanny said:

Wondering if there is ever an end to severe mental health issues, or if it's just going to be a constant battle. 

Heads well gone again, seems to be a constant thing. No bad thoughts though, so that's a benefit. 

Told my wife I'm going to carry on teaching and see out this year. Genuinely can't do it anymore, and it's a vicious cycle as the pays actually quite high. 

Going alone being self employed, but wife's not happy about that, as it's not guaranteed income. Issue is I know once I'm on my own I'm going to get really lonely. Been carpet cleaning for 5 years now, I've earnt a regular monthly amount part time for the last 9 months aside from July, which was only £500. That's without marketing, without a website, no promotion at all. It's roughly half my teaching bring home.

Leather cleaning is getting busier and gives me different avenues I can head down as a specialist. People don't seem to want to repair leather, loads will clean it badly.

I might just go get my class 2 license and drive a truck if it goes quiet. 

Teaching jobs will always be there mate.

I always say if you are going to bed on a Sunday night dreading the next day, its time to make the change.

We all spend more time at work than anywhere else. Cant be so unhappy there its affecting the good stuff pal.

End of the day youve got qualifications to go back or even make another change further down the line, plus plenty of experience in other sectors with the 6 million jobs you've had :D

Get stuck in lad, get a promotion drive. Ill get your info sent to some of the contractors I work for, based all round north west. My Space housing, Great Places etc.

 

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Sadly, a lot of people's anxieties, mental health issues etc revolve around a real fear for their financial future and no amount of exercise or medication is taking that away.

My industry is really struggling right now, once you take the short-haul Europe stuff out of the equation, as global travel is billed in dollars.

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55 minutes ago, Traf said:

Sadly, a lot of people's anxieties, mental health issues etc revolve around a real fear for their financial future and no amount of exercise or medication is taking that away.

My industry is really struggling right now, once you take the short-haul Europe stuff out of the equation, as global travel is billed in dollars.

That's my thing.. money..

I've never once, not paid my way or failed to pay the bills.. always pay my way even if it means extra jobs. Issue is, when you start burning your candle at both ends, it has to stop

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58 minutes ago, gonzo said:

Teaching jobs will always be there mate.

I always say if you are going to bed on a Sunday night dreading the next day, its time to make the change.

We all spend more time at work than anywhere else. Cant be so unhappy there its affecting the good stuff pal.

End of the day youve got qualifications to go back or even make another change further down the line, plus plenty of experience in other sectors with the 6 million jobs you've had :D

Get stuck in lad, get a promotion drive. Ill get your info sent to some of the contractors I work for, based all round north west. My Space housing, Great Places etc.

 

Don't want to count the jobs, it's scary.

Annoying thing is, I'm a good teacher, but like a lot of Neurodiverse people (sure there are other ways of describing it 😛) I'm not the whole thing, but that's what schools want.. 

To put it into context, they would want Santos to be able to play upfront or on the wing. He might be doing great at centre back, but unfortunately the teams measured by goals scored, not by tackles won. Absolutely crazy how schools work.

 

 

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3 hours ago, Traf said:

Could being the operative word.

Do you honestly think it would?

Doesn't really matter how it's used exactly. It's all from tax payers, so it could be used for anything- NHS, paying down debt, investment in new industry etc.

Far more appropriate than paying for hotels to be filled with illegal migrants.

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6 minutes ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

Doesn't really matter how it's used exactly. It's all from tax payers, so it could be used for anything- NHS, paying down debt, investment in new industry etc.

Far more appropriate than paying for hotels to be filled with illegal migrants.

But theyre not illegal fucking migrants

Its just mail/express racist shite

What did i hear earlier

Only 4 % have been processed but of those 80% have been granted leave to stay

Get em processed, get em tagged if you like and get em working

Might not be a typical sample, but its the only numbers i have

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14 minutes ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

Doesn't really matter how it's used exactly. It's all from tax payers, so it could be used for anything- NHS, paying down debt, investment in new industry etc.

Far more appropriate than paying for hotels to be filled with illegal migrants.

I really don't get why you have such a thing about this. Yes people shouldn't be doing it ideally but they are. The likes of Italy, Spain, France, in fact most European countries are looking at us thinking we have it easy; because in comparison we do!

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18 minutes ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

Doesn't really matter how it's used exactly. It's all from tax payers, so it could be used for anything- NHS, paying down debt, investment in new industry etc.

Far more appropriate than paying for hotels to be filled with illegal migrants.

To be fair, a lot of the hotel lot are due to us abandoning Afghanistan and taking in those who helped us, which was flawed in execution but the right thing to do. We left a lot of decent folk who helped us to be slaughtered by the Taliban. 

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