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A stool sample story ......


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A lad at work has been saying for a while he must go for a shite 4 times a day, He eats then within an hour he’s shitting it out.

I said he might want to get checked out he shouldn’t be that regular. He had a telephone appointment with the doctor, they said they would need a stool sample, they’ll send him out a pack in the post.

Pack arrives, a tub to put the sample in, a small tool to get the sample, and a hygiene bag with a envelope to send it back in. 
 

Today he says to me I need to nip out on my break to send this sample off. He comes back I said you all sorted he said yeah, the tub isn’t very big for it though.

I said what do you mean you take the little spoon, get a bit of shit on it, pop it in the tub and post it off. 
 

His face dropped with a nervous laughter, I said what have you done.

He got a newspaper, lay the newspaper down in the cubicle, put the tub on the floor, squatted over it and fill the tub up to the top, when it was brimming over the top, he levelled it off with the tool, put the lid on, put it in the Jiffy bag sealed it in the post.

So when you’re having a shitty day just think there is some poor sod who’s going to get that in their morning post.

 

 

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Do you drag your arse across the grass once your done? 

Presumably he put the excess into a condom and then popped it in the freezer?

There's never enough Carex  or wipes to make you feel clean enough to have a biscuit.

One thing the path labs are ways very keen to point out is that stool samples don't need to be filled to the brim! 😁

Did he tell you where it ranked on the Bristol Stool Chart? Type 1-7?

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10 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

What?! Those bottles are tiny?! What the shit! 😂😂😂😂 (literally) 

It was about the size of small Pringles tub 😂
 

Edit- it was like a smaller version of a small Pringles tub 

Edited by Rudy
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:D:D:D

Brilliant.

Scooping off the excess like the head on a Guinness.

The stench must have been abominable.

 

PS. Your mate has dysentry.

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3 minutes ago, Rudy said:

It was about the size of small Pringles tub 😂
 

Edit- it was like a smaller version of a small Pringles tub 

They are tiny. The little scoop reminds of me a Icecream scoop you get with a Icecream. One of my least favourite jobs 🤢🤢

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6 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

They are tiny. The little scoop reminds of me a Icecream scoop you get with a Icecream. One of my least favourite jobs 🤢🤢

Phlegm samples in them yellow pots! And when patients hand you their phlegmy tissues to chuck in the bin!  🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮

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7 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

They are tiny. The little scoop reminds of me a Icecream scoop you get with a Icecream. One of my least favourite jobs 🤢🤢

It was about a 100ml one. 
 

1 minute ago, DazBob said:

Presumably he put the excess into a condom and then popped it in the freezer?

I’ve saved you one mate. Don’t worry about payment 

@kent_white referring back to my studies The way he described it was about a type 5 😂

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2 minutes ago, kent_white said:

Phlegm samples in them yellow pots! And when patients hand you their phlegmy tissues to chuck in the bin!  🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮

Suctioning, trachis and phlegm doesn't really bother me. Shit doesn't really. I just don't like scooping from it. Nephrostomys are my enemy though 🤢🤢🤢

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5 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

Suctioning, trachis and phlegm doesn't really bother me. Shit doesn't really. I just don't like scooping from it. Nephrostomys are my enemy though 🤢🤢🤢

Somewhere in Horwich, Little Whitt just exploded after reading this.

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9 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

Suctioning, trachis and phlegm doesn't really bother me. Shit doesn't really. I just don't like scooping from it. Nephrostomys are my enemy though 🤢🤢🤢

When I worked in daycare most of the support workers were female. We had a couple of young people who needed suction.

I'd just hear coughing and retching (from the staff) then "Johhhnnn. Can you help me ?

They could cope with anything apart from phlegm.

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5 minutes ago, Francis Fogarty said:

When I worked in daycare most of the support workers were female. We had a couple of young people who needed suction.

I'd just hear coughing and retching (from the staff) then "Johhhnnn. Can you help me ?

They could cope with anything apart from phlegm.

All fun and games til you get phlegm on your face from a uncovered trachi 👍

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31 minutes ago, Spider said:

Somewhere in Horwich, Little Whitt just exploded after reading this.

Little Whit is wondering how you apply for the job opening these  

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14 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

All fun and games til you get phlegm on your face from a uncovered trachi 👍

There's never enough Carex  or wipes to make you feel clean enough to have a biscuit.

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33 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

All fun and games til you get phlegm on your face from a uncovered trachi 👍

I once nursed a man with no anal sphincter muscle. And nobody warned me on the handover. 

You can imagine my surprise on doing a full body map 🙂

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40 minutes ago, Francis Fogarty said:

When I worked in daycare most of the support workers were female. We had a couple of young people who needed suction.

I'd just hear coughing and retching (from the staff) then "Johhhnnn. Can you help me ?

They could cope with anything apart from phlegm.

Or accidental on arm splashback when emptying into the sluice! 

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2 minutes ago, kent_white said:

I once nursed a man with no anal sphincter muscle. And nobody warned me on the handover. 

You can imagine my surprise on doing a full body map 🙂

Lovely 😂😂 undressed a pair of bilateral legs on a hot summers day a couple of years ago to find a nice family of maggots. Highlight of my career that was. 

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1 minute ago, Spider said:

This thread sounds a bit like every stag do I’ve ever been on

Love sharing all my medical stories. Friends who aren't nurses think I'm weird. Dunno why. Who doesn't love a shit or piss story? 

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Just now, bolton_blondie said:

Love sharing all my medical stories. Friends who aren't nurses think I'm weird. Dunno why. Who doesn't love a shit or piss story? 

Knew a woman who was a district nurse. Said she’d seen some colossal scrotums in her time

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19 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

Lovely 😂😂 undressed a pair of bilateral legs on a hot summers day a couple of years ago to find a nice family of maggots. Highlight of my career that was. 

Is your other half an angler? Could've scooped 'em into your lidded coffee mug, took them home for his next fishing trip.

Anyhow I thought maggot debridement was all the rage these days?

 

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Just now, Youri McAnespie said:

Is your other half an angler? Could've scooped 'em into your lidded coffee mug, took them home for his next fishing trip.

Anyhow I thought maggot debridement was all the rage these days?

 

Yeah I think the maggot treatments are a bit different to the blue bottle ones I found. 

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