Job Opportunity

Team Manager

SALARY RANGE ??3Million - ??4Million

This exciting opportunity has become available owing to a redundancy which we are about to announce following a series of appalling results.

We urgently seek someone to take charge of the England Football Team and reorganise it from top to bottom. The ideal candidiate will have some idea of how to manage a football team and produce exciting attacking football in the English tradition. A winning formula is preferable although we would accept someone who is able to encourage the players to play with the pride, passion and committment that putting on an England shirt deserves. You should be able to speak English, and since we hope to be involved in the forthcoming World Cup finals a knowledge of other languages would be useful, although Swedish would be no use at all.

Since our team is full of prima donnas and self styled superstars you should have a sound knowledge of dealing with temperamental young people of a "challenging nature" and a good background in working with young offenders, imposing ASBOs and generally making apologies for the behaviour of spoilt little t*ssers.

On a personal level, you should be a dignified character who is able to keep your d*** in your trousers, and not a flighty little "ladiez man" who sh*gs every little tart who parades herself in a mini-skirt at the FA.

We would like to take this opportunity to wish all candidates good luck in what is probably a hopeless task.

Application forms can be downloaded from our website at

www.fachancemate.co.uk

Please quote reference: God Help Us.

Closing date: Whenever you can turn up.

THE FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION

"Getting better by turning Swedish"