QANTAS AIRLINES

 

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P = the problem logged by the pilot.)

S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.

 

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

I really can't be ??rsed trawling through the forum, but that must be at least the 5th time this has appeared.

 

Bextor!

did you know QANTAS are the only airline never to have crashed?

 

 

 

 

not very interesting, but neither were the jokes ..for the 5th time!

did you know QANTAS are the only airline never to have crashed?

not very interesting, but neither were the jokes ..for the 5th time!

and not true - from wikipedia:

It is often claimed, most notably in the movie Rain Man, that Qantas has never had a fatal crash. However, the company's official line is that it has never lost a jet aircraft. Prior to the jet era, Qantas had fatal crashes. One was on 16 July 1951, when De Havilland Drover VH-EBQ crashed in New Guinea after an engine failure, killing all 7 passengers and crew. Other fatal accidents occurred in 1927, 1934, 1942, 1943 (2), and 1944. Qantas' record in the jet era was spotless until Boeing 747-400 VH-OJH over-ran the runway by 220 metres while landing in a rainstorm at Bangkok in 1999. [1] There were no fatalities; however, the Australian Transport Safety Bureau criticised numerous inadequacies it alleged in Qantas' operational and training processes. [2] Repairs to the nine-year-old aircraft cost in excess of A$100 million and it was suggested at the time that this expense was to solely avoid a hull-loss being recorded, a claim Qantas denied. The following year a 747-300 VH-EBW was damaged when its landing gear collapsed while taxiing at Rome. It also returned to service after repairs.

Here's two previous anyway!:

http://www.wanderersways.com/forum/viewtop...ighlight=qantas

http://www.wanderersways.com/forum/viewtop...ighlight=qantas

Here's two previous anyway!:

http://www.wanderersways.com/forum/viewtop...ighlight=qantas

http://www.wanderersways.com/forum/viewtop...ighlight=qantas