October 6, 200619 yr An Australian, an Irishman and a Liverpudlian are in a bar. They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!" Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!" Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the pint of amber nectar. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle." Jesus then approaches the Liverpudlian who knocks over a chair and a table in trying to get away from the Son of God. "What's wrong my son?" says Jesus. The Liverpudlian shouts back, "f*** off, I'm on disability benefit!"
October 6, 200619 yr Author he's obviously at work and overslept No. Just got home from a grueller. Just about to tuck myself in. Edited October 6, 200619 yr by MickyD
October 6, 200619 yr Here's another joke: A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes . Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two Daddy Long Legs' mating. "Daddy, what are those two insects doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the insect on top?" she asked. "That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having any of that gay shit in our garden." she said.
October 6, 200619 yr I'll try to do better: What goes 'Clip clop clip clop clip clop bang bang bang bang clip clop clip clop'? A drive-by shooting at an American Amish School.
October 6, 200619 yr Having two young dowters mesel, I thought the daddy long legs joke was piss funny and laughed loudly.
An Australian, an Irishman and a Liverpudlian are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in
the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is
driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My
God, it's Jesus!"
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of
Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and
drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished
the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand
of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God!
The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the pint
of amber nectar. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.
"Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely
gone! It's a miracle."
Jesus then approaches the Liverpudlian who knocks over a chair
and a table in trying to get away from the Son of God.
"What's wrong my son?" says Jesus.
The Liverpudlian shouts back, "f*** off, I'm on disability
benefit!"