Not heard it on here before so here goes nothing!!

 

 

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

 

The barman looks at him and says, 'Hang on! You're a duck.'

 

'I see your eyes are working,' replies the duck.

 

'And you can talk!' exclaims the barman.

 

'I see your ears are working, too,' says the duck. 'Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?'

 

'Certainly, sorry about that,' says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. 'It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?'

 

'I'm working on the building site across the road,' explains the duck. 'I'm a plasterer.'

 

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

 

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

 

The same thing happens for two weeks.

 

Then one day the circus comes to town.

 

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him 'You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!'

 

'Sounds marvelous,' says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. 'Get him to give me a call.'

 

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, 'Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.'

 

'I'm always looking for the next job,' says the duck. 'Where is it?'

 

'At the circus,' says the barman.

 

'The circus?' repeats the duck.

 

'That's right,' replies the barman.

 

'The circus?' the duck asks again. 'That place with the big tent?'

 

'Yeah,' the barman replies.

 

'With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?' says the duck.

 

'Of course,' the barman replies.

 

'And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?' persists the duck.

 

'That's right!' says the barman.

 

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'What the f*** would they want with a plasterer??!'

Not heard it on here before so here goes nothing!!

 

 

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

 

The barman looks at him and says, 'Hang on! You're a duck.'

 

'I see your eyes are working,' replies the duck.

 

'And you can talk!' exclaims the barman.

 

'I see your ears are working, too,' says the duck. 'Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?'

 

'Certainly, sorry about that,' says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. 'It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?'

 

'I'm working on the building site across the road,' explains the duck. 'I'm a plasterer.'

 

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

 

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

 

The same thing happens for two weeks.

 

Then one day the circus comes to town.

 

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him 'You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!'

 

'Sounds marvelous,' says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. 'Get him to give me a call.'

 

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, 'Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.'

 

'I'm always looking for the next job,' says the duck. 'Where is it?'

 

'At the circus,' says the barman.

 

'The circus?' repeats the duck.

 

'That's right,' replies the barman.

 

'The circus?' the duck asks again. 'That place with the big tent?'

 

'Yeah,' the barman replies.

 

'With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?' says the duck.

 

'Of course,' the barman replies.

 

'And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?' persists the duck.

 

'That's right!' says the barman.

 

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'What the f*** would they want with a plasterer??!'

 

Terrible!

Your jokes are worse than Boltys!

 

 

Shocking!

http://www.wanderersways.com/forum/index.p...7&hl=circus

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's

house for their first night together.

 

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up

and has his breakfast.

 

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks

his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

 

She replies, 'No'.

 

Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

 

His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!

Just go to school.'

 

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet ?'

 

She replies, 'No.'

 

Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'

 

His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!

Eat your lunch and go back to school .'

 

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,

'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

 

His mom says, 'No.'

 

He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

 

His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'

 

He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the

Vaseline and I think...

 

I gave him my airplane glue.'

Worse than the duck joke!

Worse than the duck joke!

 

 

I know!!

penguin walks into a bar

 

Penguin " landlord, have you seen my brother?"

Landlord " what's he look like?"

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dre.

Your jokes are worse than Boltys!

Shocking!

 

Of course they are! Mine are good uns

Edited August 8, 200818 yr by bolty58

Two crisps walking down a long country rd,

 

car pulls up along side of them

 

"would you like a lift"asked the driver

 

"no thanks were walkers" said the crisps.

Edited August 8, 200818 yr by M G WHITES

Two crisps walking down a long country rd,

 

car pulls up along side of them

 

"would you like a lift"asked the driver

 

"no thanks were walkers" said the crisps.

 

Good Un in the Daily Star yesterday:

 

 

Guy goes to a Petrol Station and says to the Lady behind the counter 'Please can a have a Kitkat Chunky'

Lady comes back with a Kitkat Chunky and says 'Anything else'

Guy says 'What you doing i said i wanted a Kitkat ya fat bitch'

 

Call me simple but this has made me laugh ever since reading it!!