A man owned a small farm in Aberdeenshire. The Department of Work & Pensions claimed he was not paying proper wages to his farm hands and sent an inspector out to interview him.

 

'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the agent.

 

 

 

 

'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him ? 200 a week plus free room and board. There is a lady who cleans and cooks she's been here for 18 months, and I pay her ? 150 per week plus free room and board.

 

 

 

Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work. He makes about ? 10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Scotch every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'

 

 

 

'That's the man I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the inspector.

 

 

 

?Right then? says the farmer, ?that would be me.?

Husband says to wife "My Olympic condoms have arrived, I think I'll wear gold tonight"

Wife says "Why don't you wear a sodding silver one and come 2nd for a change!"

Due to inflation the sexual position known as the 69 is now called the 96!