Maggie Tate

They only used to have European markets at Xmas, hence my surprise when I saw it today. Then I thought, oh hang about, it's October, course it's Christmas.

Lack of 'favourite...' threads lately. Used to piss myself at stuff like 'favourite late 1960's Bulgarian Minister for Agriculture' and such like. Let's get em going again I say. Garlic, Peshwari, Tandoori, Keema or trusty old plain? Or any other kinds?

Been out for a tootle on my dinner just now and in front of town hall's full of Johnny Foreigners sucking the British tit. [-( Unfortunately no Germans or else I'd have bought all the Bratwurst I could carry.

Right, this has been posted today. Good stuff.

Can this be made sticky? Well, I say message, it???s not really but I???m getting worried about the man. I quote: ???The football team was rocked in its pre match preparations yesterday when ******, the scouse star centre forward absconded early morning prior to his imminent return to secure accommodation due to yet another failed drug test. Olympic athlete cheats have got fcuk all on our lads; bollocks to nandrelone, hard heroin and crack cocaine is the order of the day here! Twas a big game, 2nd v 3rd, the opponents being a predominantly Asian team playing in Billy Boy/Sikh/total football orange, wherever your preferences lie though I doubt it was a strip in honour of King William. Sudbury won 3-0, the game being marred by the opposition???s left back breaking his leg in a challenge common among lower league football. A 10 minute delay whilst he was stretchered off and an ambulance called diluted the tempo of the game, though he was offered a half ounce of tobacco and a tin of tuna for his boots. Touching gesture I thought considering the circumstances. It gets better: ???I enclose proof of my rehabilitation (enclosed was Bingo cards ??? Maggie). Friday night is bingo night. Around 50 hardened criminals converge in the dinner hall, dobbers in hand, pound a line, 2 pound a house. Woe betide any mutterings when there???s a sweat on; plenty of harsh ???hushing??? and menacing glares as the guy who attacked his mate with an axe for shagging his wife waits impatiently for number 27. It???s proper two ducks ???quack quack???, legs eleven, key to the door 21 and so on. In true prison style, 1 and 6 brings a call of ???it???s legal??? whilst 15 gets ???nonce???. I was quite disappointed there is no ???national??? where all the other prisons link up and have a house with a ??50k prize like they do in Mecca (apparently).??? He then goes on to describe a new found method of eating a Yorkie that I daren???t even venture to type out, but the phrase ???orally raped??? is in, as is ???there should be a break of a few minutes between bites, a bit like pulling out on the vinegars.??? Anyway, the fella???s doing OK. He wants a day out report from Leyth v Whitehaven in the rugby final Sunday so if folk reply to this I???ll print it out and pop in it with my letter.

I wish it would rain on bommy neet. Not safe where I live unless you consider street warfare and permanently stationed fire bobbies running about putting kids and family pets out till the small hours safe. Westleigh on bommy neet has a greater capacity for large scale damage than a blind American B52 pilot.

It was our MP I think who came up with the theory that Utd being a fenian club, the yanks were gonna buy them and knock the ground down, reckoning that the ground beneath would be perfect for growing spuds. They would then be made into McDonalds chips and taken back over to America, and Manchester United FC plc's legacy would live on. I reckon it's a winner.

It's OK mate, you can write red ginger on here. :D/

It's good and it's wank at the same time.

Doesn't work like that. Costs more to kill em. Said it before, biggest cause of death amongst American death row inmates is natural causes owing to appeals processes taking 40 odd years. Court proceedings lasting that long, legal aid etc costs more than the 25 thousand quid a year it costs to keep a man inside. Hanratty, the 10 Rillington Place thing, one wrongful execution means the whole idea falls flat on its face. Utterly unworkable. Use murderers like Huntley the way Doctor Mengele used Jews. At least we might get some benefit from them cos they're good for fcuk all else.

Voted no. In America the primary cause of death amongst death row inmates is natural causes. People say it would be cheaper to fry them than lock them up for life but the appeals process means this is a myth. I do agree that Huntley, Hindley, Shipman etc have sacrificed their right to life by committing their crimes, but is another death in response to the murders in the first place the right thing to do? The death penalty can have the effect of creating another chapter in the cycle of violence. And plus, death's too good for them, it offers a release from a lifetime in a cell. Where the laws ought to be changed is that a life sentance is just that. Murderers like the ones I've named should never ever be released.

Zulu - a favourite amongst racists everywhere. Jason and the Argonauts man me, love that bit with them mad skeletons. Incidentally they call them skelingtons in Leigh, one of the more common words along with chimbley and bugger.

A while ago I got a Telewest bill that overcharged me by about 60 quid. At the time I had 2 bank accounts, one of which had ample money in to cover the direct debit in order to pay Telewest the true amount. Telewest took the incorrect money out of the account, as when they fcuk a bill up they very kindly don't just give you the money back, they take the amount off the next bill. Now, because of this I went overdrawn with the bank with no overdraft, hoping to shut that account down ASAP and move the direct debit to my one remaining account. For going overdrawn without an overdraft, through no fault of my own remember, I incurred a ??37 pound charge. Anyrode, I trots down the the bank that will remain nameless (ABBEY NATIONAL) and appealed against the 37 quid charge, firstly threatening to close the account. This was not successful, so becoming more irate I explained that if they didn't waive the charge I would clod bricks through the windows and that would cost them more than 37 quid to mend. Eventually they let me off and I shut the account down anyway a day later. :D/ Shithouses the lot of them.

No. Freedom of choice is the bedrock of any democracy. Although if it was absolutely completely banned, right across the board, at least people like me would be forced to stop rather than stopping twice a week for half a day. Hey ho. Plus if it was banned in pubs it'd be another rule the Moony could break. Apparently it is 25 times more dangerous to stand near a barbecue inhaling all the smoke that gives off than standing next to someone enjoying a stick of luxury. No smoking in pubs, I ask yer. What's next, no drinking and no talking?

Insomnia strikes. What d'ust reck?