maaarsh

Should have dropped shots at 11 and 12 but made par saves and has now made 4 birdies on the bounce straight afterwards. Absolute tosser.

Have to say, if you don't want him to win Spieth is an absolute bastard of a competitor. Never looks like he's playing well whatsoever but keeps grinding out a score.

I thought my 10 on a double scoring hole in the Sunday morning better-ball was bad... After the first 2 balls were in the water he was already out of it, and frankly went for a pig headed tin cup reload straight at the pin approach rather than just knocking it 5 yards past like he should have done - which to be fair made the last couple of balls in the lake pretty hilarious.

Tough draw for Rory - not only trying to get the career grand slam, but also has to spend the first 2 rounds protecting the field from any ball tampering by Scott

They've scheduled this all wrong - who gives a flying **** on day 1 of the Masters?

Don't worry, white boys are now by far the lowest performing group. We can all look forward to them receiving a flood of extra funding and support to fix this... Sticking strictly to gender, the educational establishment is heavily female, and the constant drift towards coursework and resit based assessment, where hard work is often more important than raw intelligence has had the unsurprising impact of boosting the performance of the more conscientious gender. I remember at Uni the student union twerps were forever arguing against final exams as they were causing women to under perform. Fortunately the gap isn't so comically massive as it is in the main secondary education stats, so no one has felt obliged to 'fix it' yet.

Girls are currently 36% more likely to go to University than men - no one seems to be greatly concerned

If you ask a stupid question, you get a stupid answer.

New in at 4 in this week's charts

832 for 16 It's a tough game when you play by the rules.

I thought selling them was more his style

“Steve Smith is an Aussie He wears a baggy cap And when he saw some sticky tape He said I’m having that… He gave it Cameron Bancroft Who rubbed it on the ball Those cheating Aussie convicts They’ll never change at all! Oh…Davie Warner’s Aussie He wears the baggy green He dribbles like a caveman His behaviour’s obscene He’s rather fond of Candy She gives him such a thrill But when he offers her de Kock She begs for Sonny Bill!”

Indeed, Ramps is teaching the next generation perfectly, they all seem to be learning how to average 20 odd and perfectly time their occasional minor contributions to stay in the side and prevent any real talent coming through. Nearly as much as Jimmy's top score, very impressive!

I'm with you 90% of the way. Once a while there is a genuine interesting big match up, and a great undercard, and you can make a proper night of it. Constantly serving up this boring fake against tin cans is genuinely puzzling. Must be a lot of rich people about who like boxing enough to pay £20, but not well enough to see how crap this setup is.

If Parker was a threat, Eddy wouldn't let AJ fight him

DRS fail - given not out because it looked like he hit it, but he's got off being plumb on that basis

Indeed - executed perfectly the fielder wouldn't even have needed to move - very selfish from Jonny.

As if he'd do new material!

That's not fair at all. The last one I said was shit was Woakes, shortly before he became a world beater for 6 months.

First game in years with a legal ball to use and Starc can't face it and gets injured.

Malan averages more in one day cricket than first class (which is not hard as his first class record is bang average). He was picked for the Test team because he had a couple of good 20/20 innings for England (which is not a surprise as he's basically a one day specialist) as if this was a better judge of Test ability then a career of first class cricket where he has nearly always been a marginal selection for Middlesex in the long format. His current Test average is as high as it will ever get, but thanks to 1 good innings in Australia the selectors will 'show faith' and pat themselves on the back for their consistency, unlike the bad old days.

Our selection has been mystifying for a few years now. We're stuck with Malan for 2 years now as he's been surrounded by such stunningly inept selections that the selectors actually believe they've found one in a journeyman who can't make the Middlesex team. Meanwhile Lancashire players score runs for England, England Lions, and England warm up games, but appear subject to an unannounced ban for further Test selection.

Fair point - entirely passed me by that the selectors managed to restrain their itch for a whole Summer. England cricket for 18 months just feels like 1 big James Vince coloured haze of shit. Averaged 32 for Hampshire in 2017, so understandable he was brought back for the Ashes.

That would have been a rational response 6 months ago. At this stage we have to just assume he's going to play 200 Tests for England

18 should be enough to silence the doubters and give him a clear 9 Test run in the team