Fengshui Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 HAS YOUR WIFE/GIRLFRIEND PUT ON WEIGHT OVER THE FESTIVE PERIOD? IF SO, ENCOURAGE HER TO WALK 3 MILES IN THE MORNING. AND THEN 3 MILES AGAIN IN THE EVENING. BY THE END OF THE WEEK THE FAT BITCH WILL BE 42 MILES AWAY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bea Smith Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 wouldnt it be easier to put her on a train for london????? and ive come up with an excuse for xmas weight gain.its not excess food/drink/being lazy git. its a primitive system in our bods that puts on a 'winter coat' of fat, to keep us warm and help to sustain us while there are not many animals to bump off with out prehistoric cudgels.( they hibernate), and there are no plants cos of the weather. so its not my fault- its the cavemans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweep Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 great use of the word "cudgel" - one of many words that isn't used often enough...............along with "portly" and "flan" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Fooked my Mrs off!!! :D/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bea Smith Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Fooked my Mrs off!!! :D/ really???? thought you were all loved up in yer love nest??? did she stop doing you ironing?? and cudgel is a great word-like-widgy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Horwich Posted January 12, 2005 Moderators Share Posted January 12, 2005 Fooked my Mrs off!!! :D/ He found out fenny has been shaggin' her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bea Smith Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Fooked my Mrs off!!! :D/ He found out fenny has been shaggin' her. shouldve bought a pink shirt then pablo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Hunt Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Fooked my Mrs off!!! :D/ He found out fenny has been shaggin' her. shouldve bought a pink shirt then pablo. like Everton's away one a few years back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 "Build it up in Salmon Pink, Salmon Pink, Salmon Pink........" The Mrs is well and trully gone, thank fook!!! I am now on the look out for new Gash!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Site Supporter MickyD Posted January 12, 2005 Site Supporter Share Posted January 12, 2005 A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?" "Only when he's been drinking." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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