For all you wimmin, and the bicurious freaks who frequent the board, let me tell you that Tarzan has nowt on me.

 

Been into Manchester tonight, a rare treat, babysitters sorted, wife (MILF) glammed up, away we go.

 

She's shitfaced after sharing 5 bottles of wine and a meal in the Comedy Club.

 

So I takes her for some fresh air and thinks.......hey.......coffee.....Hilton 23rd floor.

 

Goes up, and its full of metrosexuals. Manbags, faggots, gold-diggers and fake tan galour.

 

Orders 2 brews.

 

Barwench is confused, after pouring numerous cocktails and fancy drinks, looks at me like I've crawed from the gutter.

 

I tells her that I can afford to buy every bottle behind her and throw them out of the fcukin windonw but my wife is feeling unwell and I just want two cups of coffee.

 

Wife then feels clostophobic. Like you do when you can see 50 miles from the 23rd floors, so I takes for a walk into the city to clear her head.

 

She doesn't feel like getting on the minibus with 12 other people and being sick on their shoes, so I suggests fcukig it off and going back to the Hilton and checking in. She's on the blob so there's no chance of rumpy, but I want to make sure she's OK.

 

But she's no saline or her contacts case so I flags a black cab down and brings her home. Takes her to bed, brings her water and aspirin, undresses her and tucks her in.

 

Hows that for being a modern caring lover?

 

Smiffs

bursting for a wank.

 

For all you wimmin, and the bicurious freaks who frequent the board, let me tell you that Tarzan has nowt on me.

 

Been into Manchester tonight, a rare treat, babysitters sorted, wife (MILF) glammed up, away we go.

 

She's shitfaced after sharing 5 bottles of wine and a meal in the Comedy Club.

 

So I takes her for some fresh air and thinks.......hey.......coffee.....Hilton 23rd floor.

 

Goes up, and its full of metrosexuals. Manbags, faggots, gold-diggers and fake tan galour.

 

Orders 2 brews.

 

Barwench is confused, after pouring numerous cocktails and fancy drinks, looks at me like I've crawed from the gutter.

 

I tells her that I can afford to buy every bottle behind her and throw them out of the fcukin windonw but my wife is feeling unwell and I just want two cups of coffee.

 

Wife then feels clostophobic. Like you do when you can see 50 miles from the 23rd floors, so I takes for a walk into the city to clear her head.

 

She doesn't feel like getting on the minibus with 12 other people and being sick on their shoes, so I suggests fcukig it off and going back to the Hilton and checking in. She's on the blob so there's no chance of rumpy, but I want to make sure she's OK.

 

But she's no saline or her contacts case so I flags a black cab down and brings her home. Takes her to bed, brings her water and aspirin, undresses her and tucks her in.

 

Hows that for being a modern caring lover?

 

Smiffs

bursting for a wank.

 

You are not on your own Smiffs! Last week the missus turned 40 and we went out on all dayer! She was so shiiitfaced I ended up wiping her sick up, carrying her home, undressing, giving her painkillers, made sure drunk some water, made sure she lay on her side so she would'nt choke, and what fuukiin thanks did I get the next day! I did the ironing, housework, made the Sunday Roast, did the shopping, took the feckin dog out, took the kids out, made her endless brews, waited on her hand and foot....I must be getting feckin' soft.....

 

I clearly think the roles are slowly reversing!

I just think they are getting too complacent. Perhps she needs a wallop to bring her back in line.

I just think they are getting too complacent. Perhps she needs a wallop to bring her back in line.

 

You will still end up doing the ironing, shopping, etc.... ::::::::

 

The difference also is when you have been rough from a night on the razz and you feel like shiiit the day after you get it thrown back at you for months after but when they do it, it's ok and we say fuuuck all!

Sort it out. The missus has just read this thread and is now having a go at me. Why can you not be like that? MUGS.

Commendable behaviour, gents well done.

I'm sure you've now saved it in your mental hard drive for future use, if required in a tiff about you not caring etc etc, us ladies do when you behave like absolute f?cktards!

Just saying like.

You are not on your own Smiffs! Last week the missus turned 40 and we went out on all dayer! She was so shiiitfaced I ended up wiping her sick up, carrying her home, undressing, giving her painkillers, made sure drunk some water, made sure she lay on her side so she would'nt choke, and what fuukiin thanks did I get the next day! I did the ironing, housework, made the Sunday Roast, did the shopping, took the feckin dog out, took the kids out, made her endless brews, waited on her hand and foot....I must be getting feckin' soft.....

 

I clearly think the roles are slowly reversing!

 

 

Thought she was 40 a couple of years ago

Unlike wimmin, we don't posses the ability to drag up some minor thing that happened about 7 years ago and throw it into a row.

 

If it happened more than 30 minutes ago, which is my attention span when it comes to things lie that, then it should be null and void.

 

She's still in bed by the way.

 

Lazy red ginger.

Thought she was 40 a couple of years ago

 

Ouuucchhh! Shes more Chins than a Chinese telephone directory

 

Unlike wimmin, we don't posses the ability to drag up some minor thing that happened about 7 years ago and throw it into a row.

 

If it happened more than 30 minutes ago, which is my attention span when it comes to things lie that, then it should be null and void.

 

She's still in bed by the way.

 

Lazy red ginger.

 

She will still be there at 6pm tonight and then she will be awake all feckin' night after whilst you are trying to get to sleep with the mortal words ringing in your ears of "never again".

 

I still get the story from her about 15 years ago when I was that pisssed I used her jewellery box to deposit a gallon of piss into thinking the lid of the box was the bog seat! an easy mistake! She tells every fucccker....

She fcukin won't, I'm going to the rugby this afternoon.

 

I once shat in one of her vases after one particulalry heavy session, convinced it was my mates bag.

that hilton bar type place is the biggest pussy haven ive ever had the mispleasure of entering...

that hilton bar type place is the biggest pussy haven ive ever had the mispleasure of entering...

 

Why, do you bat fer t'other side or summat?

Why, do you bat fer t'other side or summat?

 

pussy = t.wat= nobber

Edited April 27, 200818 yr by HomerJay

If my Mrs had allowed me to 'take her up the Beetham tower' during rag week I'd be well chuffed.