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Wanderers Ways. Neil Thompson 1961-2021

Biggest Fib You Ever Told As A Kid


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bout 12 years old, sent to get pizza with ??20 and told parents some big bully robbed it from me.

 

searched round for the theif for hours, police even got involved, they came round, gave em description of some poor red ginger i'd never seen.

 

but fact is i dont have a fuckin clue what i did with the money?

 

wonder if they ever caught him?

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CAN NOT REMEMBER THE YEAR BUT I WAS ABOUT TWELVE OR THIRTEEN,MY DAD WAS A LONG DISTANCE DRIVER,SO WHILE HE WAS AWAY THE MIGHTY WHITES WERE PLAYING AT POMPEY CRUCIAL GAME.SO TOLD MY MUM DAD SAID I COULD GO.WITH NO WAY OF CHECKING MY STORY SHE SENT ME OFF ON THE SPECIAL FROM TRINITY STREET.ALAS IN MY HASTE TO GET AWAY FROM HER AT THE STATION I LEFT MY BUTTIES BEHIND..BUT NEVER MIND WAS A TOP DAY OUT. P.S DAD PRETENDED TO BE ANNOYED WITH ME IN FRONT OF MUM BUT HE ADMIRED MY CUNNING =D>

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going home with a puppy in my school bag, that i had 'found' tied to a lamp-post.

mum let me keep it, but i was rollocked when she discovered years later that id actually got the puppy off my friends mum.

i knew mum wouldnt let me have a dog, so i blagged it.

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Went to Stoke on that night match, about 9 years ago this would've been I reckon, had the afternoon off school and got my Mam to write a note with dentist's sppointment or something. Handed note in the following day, teacher grabbed me a minute later and showed me the letter.

 

"Dear Mrs Morris,

 

Chris did not attend school yesterday afternoon because he considered going watching Bolton Wanderers at Stoke last night more important than his education."

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I once left a porno mag on my bed after a quick hamshank.

Then went playing out.

My mum popped into my room to put my ironed/washed clothes away and spotted the offending item on the bed.

When I got home I was confronted with the said item.

My response.... "Mog*, I don't believe him. He must have planted it on my bed when he nipped upstairs to use the toilet".

She kind of believed me.... I think.

 

*One of my mates. His real name has been disguised to keep his anonimity.

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Started college on the first Monday of September 2003

 

Left on the Wednesday after 3 days.

 

Drew up a timetable which showed I was in college 9am - 3pm

 

Mum/Dad were out before 8 and back after 4.

 

Blagged that I went college for 3 months, while I stayed in bed.

 

Eventually caught and got a job end of November

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When I was about 4 or 5, I convinced my two next door neighbours (around the same age) that we should eat these pea pods off the tree accross the road...... Now I didn't know for sure but I suspected that we shouldn't really be eating them so I pretended to put the 'peas' in my mouth but never really

 

Needless to say about an hour later their mum was knocking on the door cause they were being violently sick and the ambulance had been called. It was all very exciting until they put me in the ambulance too......... I tried to convince everybody that I hadn't really had any of the poisonous levernant seeds but next door neighbours had already told their mum that i'd also 'eaten' them......

 

I was taken to casualty, had my stomach pumped and had to spend two days in hospital....... That bastard of a Doctor never did admit that there was no seeds found in the contents of my stomach

 

Needless to say I learn't a valuable lesson that day and I have never told a lie since :^o

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