no balls

The weather isn't going to be an issue I don't think unless the bars are open air. Eh, I'm not packing my bikini mate, it'll be my best England flag, vacuum packed gravy & Andrews Liver Salts for breakfast! & 6 hard weeks of working down the mines posing as a pit pony got me this hi-tech baby. Horses get better wages & working conditions you see!

Oh yes that alleyway. Me sensitive never just don't want anymore of you offering me their mobile number so we can meet up. I thought this was a football site not a dating one Don't push it pal! Anyway, we don't have fancy things like mobiles up here yet. Hold on though, whilst typing this on my brand new commodor 64 I was just thinking how much I'd love a southern pen pal! I could send you a postcard from Marseille! Whey hey, you know I had to get that one in!

Whoah Mate! No need to get all sensitive...did I say you said you hated me...I hope not? I'm a proper nice northern person...honest! Banter all you want, & for the record I don't actually hate West Ham, I can't stand that little prick Cole & I can't stand that really rough alleyway you make us away fans trundle down to get to the turnstiles, but you personally, Nar I don't think so!

What are you on? can i have some please? And I was actually asking Hippo a genuine question about a board he recommends, does that constitute a row now!!!!! #-o the rag probably Fair Play Mate! You can always rely on a Northern Boy to get straight to the point. Bet them southerners were scared to say it. I do have to say though it's not my menstrual cycle that's affecting my mood, I think it's just the pre-match excitement of getting on a plane & watching Wednesday's UEFA game....oh I that sounds good. FA...Whatever!

What are you on? can i have some please? And I was actually asking Hippo a genuine question about a board he recommends, does that constitute a row now!!!!! #-o I'm just breathing in clean northern air my friend! That's all the drug I need. I don't think you'll find my original post to be offensive just inquisitive. I'm not starting a row, honest. I just wondered why you'd all invaded our board, this sort of thing doesn't normally happen. It's nomally full of likeminded individuals with a love for the Wanderers. Genuine question, & not a wind up. Do you not have a board like this as you & the hippo person seems to be having a bit of banter on here but you're both hammers aren't you? I just don't get it! Then again, I do have a blonde highlight or two in my barnet!

So has anybody invited them for a a quick aperitif and cucumber sandwich in the Rocket,Schooner or maybe even the Cotton Tree yet? They're a hospitable lot in them there hostelries? We could have a bit of a prematch knees up or something? And they can bring that American dwalf friend of theirs that's dead good mates with a couple of their season ticket holders. I'd so like to meet him.

I've been off work for a couple of days & this message board seems to have been invaded by pearly kings ( & mainly queens). Have I missed something? Girls on the board is one thing, but southermers? They're very rude!

Fire off Malag & move get a short taxi ride (as they say in the brochures) to Puerto Banus. Top bar's by the harbour, golf & guiness bar sells cheap shots & if it's your kind of thing, loads of rather attractive golfers gagging to buy you a cocktail or two....Beltin! Best get dressed up though!

No, we'll just have a dwarfs and women only section. Don't be messing my head up...is that one section for dwalves & women one or for each....I'm not sure which camp I'd go in...probably the dwalves one! I could even rest my pie & beef tea on the head of the spectator in front.. Sign me up!

As someone very short (well, not a dwarf, but only 5') I have to say I'm not sure I'd seen a full match until they banned the standing areas so maybe can we have proper steps on the terraces this time so stumpy little birds like me can see more than some old blokes smelly parka?

52%....it's a fix! I reckon I was profiled there!

If they do it's a bleeding disgrace, it's the same ale as we sup isn't it? Oh & don't get me started on happy hours in the day.....whilst I'm sat on my fat arse here at work...yeh, thanks, I'll subsidise them!

I work for Reebok & I can assure you he doesn't work in our office!

Dead 60's. It's only 40 odd minutes though which is a bit of a rip off but if like the old ska stuff, that's your man!

They want to start watching a bit of CSI of an evening do the old bill. They always get their man/woman whilst still looking relatively cool!

Puerto Banus is another good one. I went last year on a hen do, it was full of married golfers....very nice! I saw Benidorm on one of those holiday showdown programmes whilst fiddling with the remote the other week. It didn't look very nice but hen again, have you been in Dali Bar recently...it's sunnier over there too!

Thanks Dolly, they've been giving me some right sh*t on here today. We reckoned at work it was our glands, but why is it only one. Blokes just wouldn't understand. I reckon there was an article in Take a Break once but I must have missed it! Only joking, I don't really read that stuff...but thanks for the assistance on the gland issue anyway.

yes, I did but I can't remember the last time I actually got to use them. The pesky ticket office always pick a different game. Infact I've still got some hanging around my house forgames back at Burnden. I really must tidy up one day....

Good lord! I'm almost shocked, especially as you're probably all of 15 years old! Bit of an eager beaver aren't we? I must say I don't think my short leg's would get me all the way up to Rivi Pike without the use of a vehicle. But if you're a proper saddo I have heard there's a cracking dogging site at the bottom of chinese gardens! Get yourself down there mate on your brother's mountain bike, I'm sure you'll love it!

Private message? Why? Anything you need to say that shouldn't be seen by the rest of the class?

I think you'll find I've not been spouting feminist claptrap, just talking similar boll*cks to you boys but if you want to ban ladies, fine, whatever, but don't expect your tea to be on the table when you get home!

Phew! I should be getting used to the stick I'm receiving on this by now. P.S. Yeh, 69, very funny!

Harsh? What was that for?

Fine wine little boy! You wouldn't be saying that if you saw me in town of a Weekend evening I can assure you!