There are a number of cubicles in a mens works toilet. You go in and one is in use. The stench is gut wrenching but you've been touching cloth since you were sat at the traffic lights a couple of hours ago.

 

So you go in and dirt.

 

In the meantime the rancid bastard who's shat his liver has left, more often than not without washing his hands.

 

You then finish your biz, and whilst washing your hands another bloke comes in for his mid morning cack.

 

You are embarrassed and want to tell him that the smell wasnt you but talking to other men in toilets other than 'owdo' whilst pissing in the urinal is one step away from cottaging.

 

There must be a phrase or terminology for it because it is most embarrasing.

 

The reason I ask is there is one manky c?nt upstairs from us who, as regular as clockwork, is single handedly making the paint peel off the walls and I unfortunatly our dirting times are becoming syncronised.

Simply wake your domestic up at 5am to cook a full English,therefore bringing your dump time forward an hour or two.

Simply get to the toilets before said miscreant. Then proceed firstly by padding toilet with paper so as not to let stools be submerged, then not flushing as to let aroma waft around. Leaving soiled undies on floor next to pan is also a nice touch,

or go do it in the LADIES like i do

or go do it in the LADIES like i do

 

is that cos they have a step in them for you to climb on?

Very rarely defecate at work (unless its an accident) but if i do i generally use the disabled bogs which is away in its own private room. its highly embarrasing however if someone is passing when you walk out! and you cant pretend the smell wasnt you either!

 

Cannot cope if im in a trap and some filthy scum ridden mother fcuker turns up in a neighbouring trap and releases his flock of pigeons - think i would definatley vomit! if i hear someone come in, my trousers are up and im outta there no matter what stage im at!

I'm as regular as clockwork, I have a dump at 7.00 every morning......

 

Problem is, I don't wake up until 7.30

 

 

Thank you very much, I'm here all week

Nothing wrong with leaving The HMS King Richard floating in the directors bogs on a Monday morning me thinks

try and get in before the stinker, drop a log onto a thick piece of toilet roll. When he sits in his cubicle, and starts to squeeze one out, hurl your turd over the top of the cubicle, and run out of the door. I'm not saying it will do any good, but it'll be funny

now, how many of you have been caught short and had to drop one out at a service station on the motorway, I've had to a couple of times, and it's most grim. Especiall when you are sat there minding your own business, and the person in the trap next to you sounds like he's pebble-dashing the pan.

 

As an aside, on a recent flight, I needed to go for a p?ss. Anyway, the toilets were busy, so I waited. When one of the doors opened, an absolutely goddess like blonde sort came out and went back to her seat. Stunning she was. Anyway, I went in the loo, lifted the seat, and there.......clinging to the side of the pan was a big lump of turd. It must have had some sticking power, as you know the way those plane toilets work. Anyway, I tried to "p?ss it away", and managed to remove most of it, but even after flushing there was still a bit there. Fortunately, nobody was waiting for me to come out. I saw the fit blonde bird a couple of times after, as she wandered up and down the plane, and she was onyl a few places in front of me at immigration..........strangely, I didn't find her attractive anymore, the dirty Amercian bint!

Do what they do in Urmston pool and leave a floater!

now, how many of you have been caught short and had to drop one out at a service station on the motorway, I've had to a couple of times, and it's most grim. Especiall when you are sat there minding your own business, and the person in the trap next to you sounds like he's pebble-dashing the pan.

 

As an aside, on a recent flight, I needed to go for a p?ss. Anyway, the toilets were busy, so I waited. When one of the doors opened, an absolutely goddess like blonde sort came out and went back to her seat. Stunning she was. Anyway, I went in the loo, lifted the seat, and there.......clinging to the side of the pan was a big lump of turd. It must have had some sticking power, as you know the way those plane toilets work. Anyway, I tried to "p?ss it away", and managed to remove most of it, but even after flushing there was still a bit there. Fortunately, nobody was waiting for me to come out. I saw the fit blonde bird a couple of times after, as she wandered up and down the plane, and she was onyl a few places in front of me at immigration..........strangely, I didn't find her attractive anymore, the dirty Amercian bint!

that would give me a hard on glass table and all that

A woman's shite is not a turn on.

 

Have a word with yourself, LW.

I only shit at work, its the only way i can guarantee there'll be bog roll knocking about! must have on average 2 a day, up to about 5 if ive eaten well.

 

Cleaners are round every few hours at work so its fairly clean unlike the shit pan at home, makes for a relaxing time scanning the owd th'evening news or metro. Do owt for a bit of a break!

that would give me a hard on glass table and all that

 

Dirty Bastard

 

I know you sick fred but ffs cmon on.

that would give me a hard on glass table and all that

 

I'd hope you were just saying that for folk's reaction.

Worse is when you're proper having a nice turd, it reeks and you're proud of yourself. Send a few texts, read the paper, relax etc. You're spending a good 15-20 mins on the sh?tter

 

Wash hands, contemplate flushing it, and there's some c?nt stood outside the bog waiting to go in. What do you do? Act proud 'yeah thats my sh?t, enjoy it you c?nt; or try and squirm away?