HOW MEN AMUSE THEMSELVES IN TESCO

 

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or

boyfriend along shopping

 

This letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in

Oxford

 

Dear Mrs. Murray,

 

Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of

the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is

considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless

your husband stops his antics.

 

Below is a list of his actions over the past few months, all verified

by our surveillance cameras:

 

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's

trolleys when they weren't looking.

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at

5-minute intervals.

 

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to

feminine products aisle.

 

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an Official tone,

'Code 3 in housewares' and watched what happened.

 

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and

told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a

Calor gas stove.

 

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could Help him,

he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

 

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a

mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

 

9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the

Housewares aisle, asked an assistant if he knew where the

antidepressants were.

 

10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming

the Mission Impossible' theme.

 

11. November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look'

using different size funnels.

 

12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed,

yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

 

13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,

assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices

again.'

 

And; last, but not least:

 

14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a

while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There's no toilet paper in here.'

Whilst funny, as usual, it fails the snopes test

 

It's a load of old bollocks

One of them suburban legends

Edited August 12, 200917 yr by boltondiver

Mr. Murray just sounds like a complete cock.

I find Mr Murray's infantile behaviour most amusing, I could see myself doing all those so I have my hands in the air waiting in the queue to join the prick club

Think I've mentioned this before but I used to take great delight in violently shaking up a few cans of the Manchester United lager in Farnworth ASDA a few years back before putting them back on the shelf.. I would like to think that I had something to do with the removal of said product!

Think I've mentioned this before but I used to take great delight in violently shaking up a few cans of the Manchester United lager in Farnworth ASDA a few years back before putting them back on the shelf.. I would like to think that I had something to do with the removal of said product!

Always gobbed on munich shirts when they were on sale at tesco horwich

Always gobbed on munich shirts when they were on sale at tesco horwich

That's not infantile, that's a public duty! I hope they were really phlegmy ones!

That's not infantile, that's a public duty! I hope they were really phlegmy ones!

As big and as green as possible on a saturday morning; with added bile

As big and as green as possible on a saturday morning; with added bile

 

 

I once coughed so hard i sicked a bit into a freezer at Asda

The blokes i feel sorry for are those being dragged around womens clothing stores.

In Dorothy perkins last week a poor chap had been trying to remain patient with his woman who tried on EVERY pair of shoes in the place, then he looked suicidal when she decided she was starting on the jeans!

It was pissing me off, why dont they have 'male waiting areas' in these places, with a tv/games console and some lads mags?

So the missus can just saunter over when she has finished ?

I felt sorry for him.

I wouldn't feel sorry for him. He knew what was going to happen so why not just say "look love, you go shopping, I've got better things to do".

He only had himself to blame.

why dont they have 'male waiting areas' in these places, with a tv/games console and some lads mags?

 

Because they want your opinion.

 

Its the perusing i hate, Youve no money why the fuck do you want to look at shit you cant afford yet! Itll be there in a week when you get paid.

I wouldn't feel sorry for him. He knew what was going to happen so why not just say "look love, you go shopping, I've got better things to do".

He only had himself to blame.

 

You didnt see the woman, you WOULD have felt sorry for him!

Besides, i dont want depressed blokes clogging up the shoe area when im practicing my tranny in stilletoes look, im likely to hit them when they smirk!

The blokes i feel sorry for are those being dragged around womens clothing stores.

In Dorothy perkins last week a poor chap had been trying to remain patient with his woman who tried on EVERY pair of shoes in the place, then he looked suicidal when she decided she was starting on the jeans!

It was pissing me off, why dont they have 'male waiting areas' in these places, with a tv/games console and some lads mags?

So the missus can just saunter over when she has finished ?

I felt sorry for him.

It's no problem, there's usually things to look at

You didnt see the woman, you WOULD have felt sorry for him!

Besides, i dont want depressed blokes clogging up the shoe area when im practicing my tranny in stilletoes look, im likely to hit them when they smirk!

You should've told him to grow some. Why on earth do wimmin want men to go clothes shopping with them?

This is why so many blokes hate 'spending time' with the wench of the home, cos they mean boring stuff like looking at jackets and soft furnishings.

It makes me cringe!

 

And if a lady cant decide for herself if she looks good in something she has serious issues with confidence and self awareness that no amount of bloke saying 'you look good' is going to fix!

 

Bloke wants to see and appreciate the finished product, not the crap that goes into it. Its like having their tea, they enjoy it, but they dont want to watch you make it!

It was pissing me off, why dont they have 'male waiting areas' in these places,

 

It's called the pub.

 

Any bloke who goes clothes shopping with his wench needs to have a good look at himself.

 

Nipping into a shop to tell her you're going to HMV, Waterstones, Comet, or even Starbucks for a discrete perv at the shoppers for the next 3 hours is OK, but standing around like a cunt whilst she tries on everything in the shop is wrong.

It's called the pub.

 

Any bloke who goes clothes shopping with his wench needs to have a good look at himself.

 

Nipping into a shop to tell her you're going to HMV, Waterstones, Comet, or even Starbucks for a discrete perv at the shoppers for the next 3 hours is OK, but standing around like a cunt whilst she tries on everything in the shop is wrong.

 

I do believe we are in agreement.

 

Im going to take a good look at myself now!

 

Perhaps ive grown a penis overnight.

I do believe we are in agreement.

 

Im going to take a good look at myself now!

 

Perhaps ive grown a penis overnight.

 

 

I don't think we're blokes, just not silly, fluffy, pink wimmin who don't have their own idea about what to wear. Imagine putting your sartorial trust in a hetro man? I shudder to think.

I have always used to try and to avoid shopping with the missus but sometimes it is unavoidable. Like when you go into town to buy something specific and you pass a shop with a 'nice dress' or 'nice top' in the window. Yes it looks nice because it is on a mannequin representing a size 8 or 10 at most and you are not of the same frame love. The same way those skinny t-shirts look great on the plastic bloke in the window; I realise that whilst I am slim, I do not have the abs and pecks of some Hollywood action hero and would look like a complete spanner.

I just walk round not giving a shit till i get ter ale and toffee's bit

Sorted it out with my missus in the early days. 'Look luv, I'll spoil it for you if I come shopping with you. You'll spoil it for me if you come to the football. We do each on our own. Deal?'

 

Never a harsh word on the subject since. If I go 'shopping' it is for an item that is pre identified and there's no fcuking about browsing. In and out like the SAS. Far better things to spend my time on than being in a shop full of mindless time wasters.

M & S to the Sra means Marks & Spencer

M & S to me means Man & Scythe

It all works out rather well. I don't like shopping and she doesn't like Thatchers.