You think 'I'm gonna have 2 big wanks tonight' but after the first one think, 'fuck it'.

 

or you nod off during the first

When you get invited to retirement do's instead of twentyfirsts.

When you're on your holidays and you don't get nightclub flyers thrust in your hands.

You get junk mail from Saga

You start having to time your wanks. For an example, note the following thought process.

 

'I'd better not knock one out this afternoon as ne and the Mrs are going for a romantic meal this evening and she'll be expecting a night of rampant lovemaking. If I self pollute now, I probably won't be able to be arsed tonight. Best save it.'

 

Times were I'd have had three wanks in anticipation, been at it all night and then topped it off with one afterwards to round the night off.

Coppers look younger.

 

You switch Radio 1 on and then turn it straight off saying, "It's just a noise!"

 

Baulking at the price of consumables and then saying "I remember when a pint was....."

You start having to time your wanks. For an example, note the following thought process.

 

'I'd better not knock one out this afternoon as ne and the Mrs are going for a romantic meal this evening and she'll be expecting a night of rampant lovemaking. If I self pollute now, I probably won't be able to be arsed tonight. Best save it.'

 

Times were I'd have had three wanks in anticipation, been at it all night and then topped it off with one afterwards to round the night off.

Get out of my head