June 15, 201214 yr What goes: click click click "it that it" ? click click "how about that" ? click click click "its that it" ? Stevie Wonder with a Rubic cube. No offence meant.
June 15, 201214 yr I bumped into an old school firend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car. Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said "She's beautiful, isn't she?" I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend." He said. "Why? Is she a stunner?" I said, "No, she's an optician."
June 15, 201214 yr The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
June 15, 201214 yr I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
June 15, 201214 yr What's 8 inches long and makes my wife come? My finger and thumb when I click them together ..
June 15, 201214 yr My wife said, "Can you explain why I've just found a pair of womens knickers in your coat pocket?" I said, "Yes I can.....it's because you're a nosey cunt!"
June 15, 201214 yr My wife is going to a fancy dress party tonight in a rasterfarian costume and she wants me to do her hair. I am dreading it.... I was on Countdown and when the letters round had finished I was asked to submit my answer. "I've got nine". "Really, let's hear your nine then" "Nine, that's spelled N.I.N.E" Edited June 15, 201214 yr by Breightmet Boy
June 15, 201214 yr A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says "What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair
June 15, 201214 yr One of my employees came into my office today. He insisted he'd quit if he wasn't treated with more respect. "Come on, we both know you'll never walk out of this job", I laughed. "Just watch me then!" he yelled. As he turned around in his wheelchair, I gathered he'd misunderstood my point.
June 15, 201214 yr what do you call a bloke wearing 2 coats in a cemetery ? max bygraves Kenny Everett, Max Bygraves & Ethiopians jokes - bloody hell, there's old jokes & your jokes! Plus, you missed this Tommy Cooper gem from the 70s: A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''
June 15, 201214 yr the younger ones on here may not have heard them i might even come out with the 'extractor fan' joke if you're lucky !
June 15, 201214 yr What comes out of your nose at 200 mph? A Lamborgreenie. What travels round your waist at 200 mph. Hondapants. (well, Miami started it with the 1980's primary school jokes)
June 15, 201214 yr got to keep it up with an 80's style pub joke on a friday lunch what's the difference between an egg and a wank ? you can beat an egg but you can't beat a wank...................................
June 15, 201214 yr Two retards cycling to Blackpool on there bikes down a big hill. One stops and let's his back wheel down, the other one asks him "What you doing?" "I'm lowering my seat" So the other unscrews his seat and handlebars and swaps them round and says "If your gonna fuck about like that I'm going home".... Edited June 15, 201214 yr by Breightmet Boy
June 15, 201214 yr bloke walks into a bar............."ouch" it was a iron bar.......... bud dum dish ..ill get me coat!
June 15, 201214 yr irish fella walks into the griffin,sees a bloke flat out in the corner. says to the barman ''i'll have what he's had'' .......................so the barman twats him with a pool cue.............................................
Why Can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?
Because he's married
Ba dum tish