She walks in and says 'Steeeeeeeeeeepheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen' in a longing voice.

 

This normally means she wants something. Had she been in a state of undress then I know it would be monetary related, but she wasnt. She then asked me if I loved her.

 

'Depends what it is' was the cautionary response.

 

She then asks me if I would apply some veruca ointment to her foot. Ohhh the joys of marriage.

 

Like a dick......

 

I think I'm going to ask her to dig out my ingrown toenail and see what her response to that is.

Love is..... having a misses who has just made me a cup of tea with a slice of cake, while

 

i lie here with Laptop on belly and playing Bad Company on my Xbox.

Love is having a wife who just lets you get on with and doesn't ask for much, really.

 

Apart from the phone call last week asking what she should do after putting unleaded into my diesel car.

Love is a great huge streaming row last night, outstanding.

 

Then she text to say she sorry she was in a rotten mood and didn't want to go to bed on a argument. Daft mare.

 

'This wedding I'm best man at, do you want to stop over or just a day trip?'

 

'Erm, not bothered, up to you.'

 

'I'm not bothered either, it's up to you.'

 

'No, it's up to you, I'm not bothered.'

 

'Well, I'm giving you the choice, pardon me for considering your feelings rather than just going ahead and deciding for both of us without asking you.'

 

'I'm not bothered.'

 

'Oh f?ck off.'

 

By this point she was playing the martyr, which all females are very accomplished at, but which she's far too strong minded to usually do, a quality I admire.

 

What a f?ckin species. If it wasn't for the sex aspect I would MUCH rather spend life with mates rather than ANY woman.

What a f?ckin species. If it wasn't for the sex aspect I would MUCH rather spend life with mates rather than ANY woman.

 

Give it a few years and it will stop, as sure as eggs are eggs, you'll get paid more often than you get your leg. All that spontanious shaggin in random places, rude things, crude things, all stops.

 

But you see, they've got you then, hooked.

Something brilliant happened to me the other week.

 

I'd always been worried about forgetting my wedding anniversary and the other week my missus actually forgot. It's been 16 years and she was devastated.

 

I now have that stored in the bank for a day when I need to use a "get out of jail free" card.

She walks in and says 'Steeeeeeeeeeepheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen' in a longing voice.

 

This normally means she wants something. Had she been in a state of undress then I know it would be monetary related, but she wasnt. She then asked me if I loved her.

 

'Depends what it is' was the cautionary response.

 

She then asks me if I would apply some veruca ointment to her foot. Ohhh the joys of marriage.

 

Like a dick......

 

I think I'm going to ask her to dig out my ingrown toenail and see what her response to that is.

 

 

i had an ingrowing toe nail once, got pissed and decided to cut it out with a bic safety razor.

 

the bed looked like that scene in the godfather with the horses head in the morning there was that much blood.

 

three days of limping round like keyser sosse and then the scab came off and it was fine.

 

if you aint tough enough to do this..............................

Love is a pain in the arse. And I'm not talking about having a finger shoved up it.

...a big scary animal?

Love is getting with somebody who doesn't nag you.

 

FACT

Love is all around me and so the feeling grows.

It's written on the wind, it's everywhere I go.

Love is all around me and so the feeling grows.

It's written on the wind, it's everywhere I go.

 

I sincerely hope you had to google those lyrics

...strong and youre so sweet

You make me hard you make me weak

 

same year as the previous

...strong and youre so sweet

You make me hard you make me weak

 

same year as the previous

 

Yeah, I should have posted that one.

 

But WWW just entered my head first. It's one of those horrible songs that everyone seems to know the words to.

I recently suggested a quick spot of luuuuuuuuuuuuurve in Asda, in one of the changing rooms, or the disabled toilet, anywhere really, over the frozen peas fridge, I'm really not fussy. Spontinaety is the name of the game.

 

Because I had not given her 24 hours written notice, the response from here was akin to me askin if it was OK to shag next door neighbours cat during Sunday roast with her mam and dad round.

Something brilliant happened to me the other week.

 

I'd always been worried about forgetting my wedding anniversary and the other week my missus actually forgot. It's been 16 years and she was devastated.

 

I now have that stored in the bank for a day when I need to use a "get out of jail free" card.

Brownie points cease at the end of the day

I recently suggested a quick spot of luuuuuuuuuuuuurve in Asda, in one of the changing rooms, or the disabled toilet, anywhere really, over the frozen peas fridge, I'm really not fussy. Spontinaety is the name of the game.

 

Most obscure place I've had a shag, in a walk in freezer of a supermarket. Poor maid was working in bakery, so was only wearing light tunic over knickers.

 

Anyway, I digress. Love is....

 

... a battlefield.

Edited July 8, 200818 yr by green genie

I recently suggested a quick spot of luuuuuuuuuuuuurve in Asda, in one of the changing rooms, or the disabled toilet, anywhere really, over the frozen peas fridge, I'm really not fussy.

 

"Cleaner with mop and bucket to aisle 3 please....customer spillage"

I recently suggested a quick spot of luuuuuuuuuuuuurve in Asda, in one of the changing rooms, or the disabled toilet, anywhere really, over the frozen peas fridge, I'm really not fussy. Spontinaety is the name of the game.

 

Because I had not given her 24 hours written notice, the response from here was akin to me askin if it was OK to shag next door neighbours cat during Sunday roast with her mam and dad round.

 

 

No I don't think it was because of the lack of written notice, it was presumably because it's not one of the higher end stores. Try a classier shop and watch her drop her knickers, quick as a flash!

Ladies love to feel special!

No I don't think it was because of the lack of written notice, it was presumably because it's not one of the higher end stores. Try a classier shop and watch her drop her knickers, quick as a flash!

Ladies love to feel special!

 

You mean 'quick, come on, lets shag in the changing rooms whilst the kids are at your mums' isnt special enough?

 

 

Fussy, fussy lot.

You mean 'quick, come on, lets shag in the changing rooms whilst the kids are at your mums' isnt special enough?

 

 

Fussy, fussy lot.

 

See, it's all semantics, Smiffs. You say "shag" nice girls say "make love". May I suggest that this evening , you lie down in a darkened room and listen to Alexander O'Neal for an hour, and then make your move on your lovely wife. This sort of therapy may better your attitude towards sex.

HTH!

Listen, in Asda's changing rooms, it's 'shaggin', no two ways about it.

 

As for the other stuff, well, why should it all be down to us to do the graftin? You lot keep harpin on about equality, well crack on then, get dirty.

 

Why can't she pack the kids off to her mums of the night and invite the MILF from next door but one?

 

Listen, in Asda's changing rooms, it's 'shaggin', no two ways about it.

 

As for the other stuff, well, why should it all be down to us to do the graftin? You lot keep harpin on about equality, well crack on then, get dirty.

 

Why can't she pack the kids off to her mums of the night and invite the MILF from next door but one?

 

 

 

Have you not put that Alexander O'Neal record on yet?

I'm still at work!

I'm still at work!

Any birds there? Get that musak on, you never know.

That is most unproffesional conduct.