HOMO ALERT!

 

I have moved away and there are no fast food outlets on the island.

 

so im f?cked

 

I bought a cooking book, but its like reading a japanese dictionary.

 

Can anyone tell me how to make some proper meals if im to survive, but in f?cktard language if possible.

 

Im preparing a list to go shopping now

 

thanks c?ck munchers

The only one I can decipher from the cook book is tata ash, so im ok with that.

The only one I can decipher from the cook book is tata ash, so im ok with that.

Pot noodle, sausage & mash, beans on toast, lobster thermador.

Oven proof dish - put 3 or 4 slices of ham* in the bottom of it (proper off the bone stuff, not that crap packet stuff), pour a tin of chopped tomatoes over the top of the ham and season with salt and pepper, make 2 or 3 small "dips" in the chopped tomatoes, and crack an egg into each of the dips. Put the whole lot in the oven at about 180~200C for around 20 minutes, or until the egss are cooked.

 

Cheap as chips, dead tasty, and even a fucktard can make that without cocking it up

 

*if you don't like ham, then grill off some sausages first, and then use them

Oven proof dish - put 3 or 4 slices of ham* in the bottom of it (proper off the bone stuff, not that crap packet stuff), pour a tin of chopped tomatoes over the top of the ham and season with salt and pepper, make 2 or 3 small "dips" in the chopped tomatoes, and crack an egg into each of the dips. Put the whole lot in the oven at about 180~200C for around 20 minutes, or until the egss are cooked.

 

Cheap as chips, dead tasty, and even a fucktard can make that without cocking it up

 

*if you don't like ham, then grill off some sausages first, and then use them

 

Cheers

Are there no wimmin on the island you csn club over the head and drag home to do this sort of thing for you?

Are there no wimmin on the island you csn club over the head and drag home to do this sort of thing for you?

 

I've done that for the last 22 years No Balls, its about time I learn.

HOMO ALERT!

 

I have moved away and there are no fast food outlets on the island.

 

so im f?cked

 

I bought a cooking book, but its like reading a japanese dictionary.

 

Can anyone tell me how to make some proper meals if im to survive, but in f?cktard language if possible.

 

Im preparing a list to go shopping now

 

thanks c?ck munchers

these cooking books can be very misleading, watch out when adding ingrediants for eg: a tsp (what is a TSP)? and the most common mistake made by man is add a Knob of butter (how big is a Knob of butter)?

these cooking books can be very misleading, watch out when adding ingrediants for eg: a tsp (what is a TSP)? and the most common mistake made by man is add a Knob of butter (how big is a Knob of butter)?

 

If its as big as mine, im going to need a fair few tubs.

Babby's yed, jockey's whips an mushy peys.

 

Put babby's yeds in a couple of inches of water in a pan and put the lid on, peel and chip a couple of spuds, heat oil to 140 deg. C and put chipped potatoes in for 10 minutes. Remove. Alter temperature of oil to maximum (usually 190 deg C) When Babby's yed is cooked (40 minutes) put the blanched jockey's whips in the oil for two minutes, put peas in a microwave dish and put in at full power also for two minutes.

 

Fish Babby's yed out and place on plate minus its foil wrapper. Drain oil off Jockeys and put on plate alongside Babby's Yed. Pour mushy Peys over the jockey's.

 

Et voila! Meal for one like you've never tasted before.

 

Ingredients:

Hollands Steak and Kidney pudding

Potatoes

Mushy Peas.

what island you on christmas island

Cheers Micky

Edited January 10, 200917 yr by Garrp

the big gayers gone to froggy france

 

good luck garpo you professional gambler you

the big gayers gone to froggy france

 

good luck garpo you professional gambler you

 

ok out what ever you fancy in pan add lots of garlic and you will fit in with the locals.

 

buy a white flag, some cheese and a monkey.

Large frying pan,fry one onion,throw in a tin of beans,tin of tomato's,boil some spuds,

 

chop up a tin of corned beef,throw in pan,when its all mushed

 

down place in oven proof dish,mash spuds place on top of corned beef mixed,

 

oven for 30 mins,take out of oven,grated cheese on top back in oven for ten mins.

 

Corned beef casserole Easy, ?2 feed 4,or two in my house

Edited January 11, 200917 yr by M G WHITES

Impress your friends and yourself with this piss easy tuna pasta

 

1 large onion

A good few mushrooms

1 large tin of tuna chunks in brine

1 carton of double cream

Salt and black pepper

A large garlic bread

500g of fresh pasta

 

Put the garlic bread in the oven

 

Start with chopping the onion and simmer in a large frying pan,then slice and add the mushrooms,then drain the tuna and add to the pan,then add the cream, let it simmer (not boil) as you boil some fresh pasta for 4 minutes.

Drain all the water from the pasta, put onto plates, then scoop the tuna mix all over the pasta.

 

This dish would win fookin' Masterchef, and it's so easy even Darren could do it

Edited January 12, 200917 yr by Burndens Bogs

Thanks everyone

The kitchen unit now has a burnt golden circle mark

 

and the microwave has blown up

 

real men can't cook

The kitchen unit now has a burnt golden circle mark

 

and the microwave has blown up

 

fools can't cook

Oven proof dish - put 3 or 4 slices of ham* in the bottom of it (proper off the bone stuff, not that crap packet stuff), pour a tin of chopped tomatoes over the top of the ham and season with salt and pepper, make 2 or 3 small "dips" in the chopped tomatoes, and crack an egg into each of the dips. Put the whole lot in the oven at about 180~200C for around 20 minutes, or until the egss are cooked.

 

Cheap as chips, dead tasty, and even a fucktard can make that without cocking it up

 

*if you don't like ham, then grill off some sausages first, and then use them

 

What if you don't like sausages either?

 

Could you use gammon?

these cooking books can be very misleading, watch out when adding ingrediants for eg: a tsp (what is a TSP)? and the most common mistake made by man is add a Knob of butter (how big is a Knob of butter)?

 

A tsp is a teaspoon. It really is that simple.

What if you don't like sausages either?

 

Could you use gammon?

 

Are beef products allowed if pig isn't an option?

Get a small (500g) packet of self-raising flour, some eggs, some oil, some milk, some sweet substance of your choice and a frying pan.

 

Put a quarter of the flour (125g) into a bowl, crack the egg into it and stir. Put about a cup full of milk in and stir again until it's not lumpy.

 

Heat the oil up and then turn the pan down to about a third of maximum, slowly pour the mix into the middle so it speads to the edge of the pan and is sizzling away. When it has all set, turn it over (toss it). Give that side a couple of minutes too. Smear with honey, roll up and there you have it, Carlos's pancakes.

No, I think you need the natural saltiness of the pig products to interact with the acidity of the tomatoes to produce the correct infusion of flavours.

Get a small (500g) packet of self-raising flour, some eggs, some oil, some milk, some sweet substance of your choice and a frying pan.

 

Put a quarter of the flour (125g) into a bowl, crack the egg into it and stir. Put about a cup full of milk in and stir again until it's not lumpy.

 

Heat the oil up and then turn the pan down to about a third of maximum, slowly pour the mix into the middle so it speads to the edge of the pan and is sizzling away. When it has all set, turn it over (toss it). Give that side a couple of minutes too. Smear with honey, roll up and there you have it, Carlos's pancakes.

 

Did this yesterday, but with the pancake mix stuff you can buy.

 

After the 6th one, the fire alarm went off, sending the owners of the apartments charging round to check I hadn't burnt the place down. I then sh?t it and put the frying pan on the side as my pancake was perfect, which is how I burnt the the kitchen unit as posted above.

 

I'l not tell you how I below the microwave up.

 

Im learning though