Members bolty58 Posted April 7, 2012 Members Share Posted April 7, 2012 Islamic suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this April from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth". Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, an Al Qaeda chief executive explained, "We sympathise with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up." Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle , Middlesbrough, Essex, Glasgow and Farnworth stated that they would be unaffected as there are no virgins in these areas anyway. Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been largely put down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to paradise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gazza Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Carlos Posted April 7, 2012 Moderators Share Posted April 7, 2012 How does 72 down to 60 = 25%? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richbwfc Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 How does 72 down to 60 = 25%? Beat me to it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juan.Kerr Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Come on now,don't let facts spoil a decent tale. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Site Supporter MickyD Posted April 7, 2012 Site Supporter Share Posted April 7, 2012 How does 72 down to 60 = 25%? VAT rate of 8% Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
no balls Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 I think I must need new readers, I can't see the post properly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Site Supporter MickyD Posted April 7, 2012 Site Supporter Share Posted April 7, 2012 Islamic suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this April from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth". Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, an Al Qaeda chief executive explained, "We sympathise with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up." Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle , Middlesbrough, Essex, Glasgow and Farnworth stated that they would be unaffected as there are no virgins in these areas anyway. Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been largely put down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to paradise. Especially for NB. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bolty58 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 7, 2012 (edited) How does 72 down to 60 = 25%? Dunno. I'll ask the bloke who sent it to me. Nice to know we have some detail analysts (analists?) on here. Edited April 7, 2012 by bolty58 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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