derek smalls

how dareu!

any mobile phone anoraks out there? need to unlock a sagem myc-4 phone. can it be done with a code?

#-o how many? :Ds

have to say I was a BIG stelios fan but i`m finding it hard to defend him at the moment. you cant get away from the fact that he doesnt sem to get anywhere. maybe time up for t`greek lad

fur q

great site that. very useful for guinea pig owners. nice one

errmm. i never actually said i made them up myself

The dodo died. then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be sh*tting herself. Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks? My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t. I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat. You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening .. Self-raising?" The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face. Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help". I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the Girl out of Cork... Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax. Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears. My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs. Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well. A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a f**king plumber". Hey - you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at Asda. I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!" It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake. I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it. If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

pipex for me ??23.44 for 512k - no download limit - no installation or equipment fees, no minimum contract (but you have to pay ??57 if you cancel in the first 12 months) this is the best place to look www.adslguide.org they have monthly speed and reliability ratings for all providers

not recommended to chip ps2 as it causes some kind of problem that burns the laser out quickly. casino-youre right about the fault on the slimline model, they recalled a lot of stock but sony are still saying they will get supplies out to shops pre-christmas. just for the record we got one from big w but they`ve none left again now

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic. "Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge! "Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute! "Anyway", "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled... .....so I told her to sod off!

hold on..... theres something coming through now............. im getting the words...... `not`....... and........ `funny`......

anyone know anywhere thats still got PS2`s in stock?

dont forget the vaseline

fur q

ask yourself a simple question gaaaaaaaaaaaarp. 1. if it came down to a `you or him` situation who would they back up? if the answer is you then he must be a gary neville so make life uncomfortable for him and he`ll get a wee bit nervous about it. if the answer is `him` then either.... a)apologise, shuthtefukup, continue to get his butty, be nice to him and smile a lot or.. get another job. it pays to grease the pole of those above you which is a basic skill that all good managers have and all lifes rubbing rags dont have

whatever your viewpoints and beliefs, id be well embarressed if that was at our ground

Thanks for clearing that one up for us Officer. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! i might have to arrest you for attempted jokery pokery

it was a catering and toilet facilities incident. ie. couldnt get a pint and couldnt get for a piss. there was certainly a bit of a keffuffel

its half eleven and nobody on the chelsea rivals site has even mentioned tommorrows game yet. obviously not considering us to be much of a threat.

made me chuckle.. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with,' Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young proclaimed proudly once upon a time. Well I can't be with my girlfriend at the moment, because I'm in Risley Remand Centre awaiting trial for driving offences. And worse, the man in the cell with me is six foot four, called Skull, has Satan tattooed on his forehead and is serving a 7 year stretch for attempted murder. S Hymen, Risley Remand Centre ONE pound a week will supply water for an entire village in Tanzania', says Oxfam. So how come United Utilities charge me twenty pounds a month for my three bedroom semi? The fleecing b@st@rds. Tracey Cusick, Cumbria HOW come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for the rich and another for the poor. Reg Ashcroft, Bradford They say "you can't judge a book by its cover". What nonsense. The last edition of High School An@l that I bought featured a young lady stuffing a big one up her bomb-bay on the front page, and this turned out to be an excellent indication of the contents. Mark Roberts IT'S uncanny how some of these old sayings are true. 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder', said my wife as she waved goodbye to me on the way to spend a month with her mother. Since then I have grown quite fond of my next door neighbour. I actually gave her one on the living room carpet this morning. Christopher Hampshire, Bristol I was shocked to hear Home Secretary David Blunkett say that Britain's prison population has been ballooning for the past ten years. My God has the world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given 'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that most law abiding citizens can only dream of. Mrs Close, Headingley Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius. Mike Woods, e-mail With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the tw@t quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them. Shuggie, Email It's all very well Meg Ryan getting her kit off for her new film, but why wasn't she doing it twenty years ago before her puppies hit the pan? Alan Pick, Kingston-upon-Toast Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour.

http://boards.rivals.net/default.asp?sid=8...ytoid=536042830 christ almighty. talk about bias apparently you dont have to see the ball to deliberately handle it

they`ve got their act together now. new server. you can actually watch the games with a 512k connection, no problems getting a feed any more AND they`ve put some kind of porn feed on after 11pm. well worth a ??1 www.freelivefootballl.co.uk

no takers? going once.....going twice....

im a mechanic. i could have done it far cheaper than that