Carlos

I ain't got a Scooby Doo what all that means. However, the reason I've not got either is the small amount of memory. 8gb is nob all.

Someone said the players were out on the piss on Wednesday night, I hope they had a great time.

I think it's in Cornish.

You've made this point already, and it didn't make much sense them either.

We'll already be down by then.

Our only chance is if someone goes into administration.

I understood why, but I always though that if we didn't beat Wigan, Meggers would lose the confidence of the fans. Once that happens, the chop is inevitable.

How on earth you select a weakened XI that doesn't contain Matt Taylor is beyond me, he's shit.

Megson is taking us down - FACT, I'd rather give bring back Sammy Lee back than leave things as they are.

Erm hello, have you seen a league table recently?

I'm just wondering, was there an acceptable answer to someone shouting "WHY DID YOU SELL ANELKA?" at Garty? I don't think it's even a question.

Is that Mr Bean in the background?

I turned away when that woman spoke to me almost immediately, I think Garty did well to last as long as he did. But the question remains, what was Garty doing down the docks anyway?

My memoirs, before I got old and senile: Lokomotiv Plovdiv Good: The night before the game, Corner Bar especially. Hiring a coach for about 3p. McFly. The Communist tower block setting - proper Europe. The goals. Getting home. Being in the same 1* hotel as the club's VIP travellers, getting every benefit they did for about a third of the price. Bad: The winding road from Varna airport to Sunny Beach was horrible, as was Sunny Beach, as indeed was Bulgaria, never going back there! The woman stood on the kiosk translating which just involved her using hand-signals. Shitting it for most of the game. The 70's throwbacks that were the Lauta Hools. The club selling us ?1 tickets at ?14. Besiktas Good: returning to a city I'd worked in years ago to see how much it'd changed. Booking a flight for ?133, kebabs, Efes, best atmosphere you will ever experience, The Borg's goal, anti-stab scarves. Bad: taxi ride down the hard shoulder of the "motorway", Efes induced hangover, beach balls covered in sick. The club's nonsense advise about not getting into the country without a ticket. Vitoria Guimaraes Good: Everything about the trip, discovering Super Bock, visiting such a beautiful place, the good people of Portugal, the square, Vaz's goal, purchasing the best UEFA Cup scarf of the lot, ordering a full meal when a load of half-wits in the bar had been living off crisps all day. Bad: Porto is the most boring place ever, Rangers fans are scum. Olympique Marseille Good: the countryside from Nimes to Marseille. Arriving early door and sitting outside L'Om bar in the afternoon whilst it was winter in Bolton, getting pissed the night before the game, the square, the fountain, all the locals coming looking WTF. The locals generally being quite friendly. Great atmosphere at the game. Bad: Entering Marseille, what a slum. Bruno N'Gotty's "pass", a few people getting a shoeing, the temperature at night. The half-wits who shelled out ?650 for a trip to France- WTF? Rabotnicki Good: The coach journey, the main square, the Macedonian people, scraping a result, the few hours in Prague on the way back. Bad: Ending up in Bulgaria again, never going back. The 6 hour coach journey. The trip throught the Albanian part of Skopje, anyone need a bucket? The endless stream of beggers. Three early starts and 4 timezones in one day really took their toll. Hanging on when it should have been an easy game. Lads earning less than me making total mugs of our "superstars". Being forced to walk back to the centre on the side of the river we'd been advised to avoid, in the dark. This was the biggest window of opportunity for something to go horrible wrong, someone at BWFC didn't do their job properly. Bayern Munich Good: Seeing so many pissed people the night before the game, sausages, beer, the stadium, a performance to be proud of forever of and never forgotten. Bad: Being sick on Marienplatz. The "landing" in Basle on the way back. Red Star Belgrade Good: The amount of people who made the trip, Sports Bar, doing "The Bouncy", the snowballs, the amount of Police removed most of the danger on the day of the game, winning what was a must win game. Garty showing his appreciation for a change. Bad: JAT Airlines, our "hotel", being forced to go where the Police wanted us to, the pollution, lads being stabbed the night before. Atletico Madrid Good: Most celebrated 0-0 in the club's history. Bad: The atmosphere around the place at night, the whores, pickpockets, worst Police force in Europe - Spain is essentially still a Police state. Sporting Club de Portugal Good: Docas the day before, drinking in the sun. Rossio on matchday, Super Bock flowing, amazing stadium, great atmosphere created by our fans and it being recognised, cheapest trip of the lot I think. Bad: endless stream of chan dealers, piss poor performance, Megson disappearing straight down the tunnel at the end, Stelios was clearly distraught at the end.

Does it have to be cherry? I've only got strawberry.

Aye, avoid lani's if you are bothered about decent food.

Can I just say that that brought a tear to my eyes. It's been a long, long time since Bolton fans sang together with such passion. If only the club had shown 1% of that...

The point is we never went there to get a result. This is the first time I've expirienced a Bolton team doing this, all the other weakened teams have put in some effort.

chiPod.

J'O'B is stealing a living as a Premier League footballer.

I said to someone, it's the first time I've ever seen us play a game and not actually be competing, and part of the dream has died.

Satan was on the 5ive Evening News, he'll be getting his own show next.

One question: how do you know they'd been pickpocketed and you didn't just lose them? The way you abused the 4ft old Portuguese bloke who informed you you were going the wrong way was particually impressive, what with you being a mere 6 foot 6.

Be honest, you're fcuking loving this aren't you.

Air France own KLM, simple really.