SatanGreavsie

realistically, if he'd actually got to him and had a go, Savage would have twatted him big time

they'd get my vote

as a letter in the latest Viz suggests, to get round the ban why dont they just paint one of their hounds orange and chase that!

Well Otis should remember that the only reason he gets to go to "grand houses" is that his dad is an oily crooner who has done nowt good since his Roxy Music days - jumped up little pussy.

Funniest thing about Bristol City was when they beat us in the Sherpa Van final, won a van and then had it nicked the next week. Reading it back it's not actually that funny, but then that's Bristol for you, shabby West Country fuckers

I can just imagine you going cap in hand to BBC's kids programme commisioning people. CWP1973: Folks, I've got a great idea for a new kiddie's character - he's called Aubrey BBC man: Hmm, Aubrey...like it, like it; so what does he do, this Aubrey character then? Is he a smiley tank engine? A fluffy baby elephant?? Or maybe a cute kangaroo...not had one of them since Skippy; yes, Aubrey the kangaroo, I like it, I like it... CWP1973: Actually, he's a big orange fucker that does stuff in a shed. BBC man: right, well we'll be in touch

Bonus marks to the first poster who remembers the name of the copper in the Herbs Constable Knapweed :-$ OK then smartarse, extra bonus point for the first one to give me the number of the policeman in Camberwick Green...

Good shot sir "Put him in the curry!!!"

Bonus marks to the first poster who remembers the name of the copper in the Herbs

Ah, but Taggart is still called Taggart isn't it!

I've got the video of the feature film. Might get away with it if they called it "post-modern irony", but with white character Eddie Booth delivering lines in the film like "I don't care, he's a nig-nog and I'm not having any more nig-nogs living next door to me" I kind of doubt it

2) Jack's Game Remember this one, Channel 4's invitation to Jack Charlton to go hunting, shooting and fishing? Chances of a come-back 4/10: not impossible (could have Vinnie Jones in the Charlton role) on a wave Countryside Alliance support, but realistically...no

1) Black and White Minstrels Show. Chances of re-appearing 3/10....not only very un-PC but in fact it was shite as well. All together now: "Oh de Campdown ladies sing dis song, do dah, do dah..." Others?

Old Mother Riley

wasnt it Spike Milligan who said Edward Woodward sounds like someone breaking wind in the bath

which bit of "we go down the other end and score! " did you not understand then

14th May this year, just picture the scene. Everton have slumped somewhat in the league while Bolton rallied to finish just three points behind them - Everton 4th, Bolton 5th. Due to our better goal difference, however, a win would put us in the Chapions League instead of them. Game turns out to almost be an Ipswich repeat and we're 2-0 uo in half an hour but just before the break Everton nick a soft one back. Second half they pile on the pressure and with 15 minutes left they equalise - cue nasty scenes in the crowd as the 2000 interloping scousers make their presence known in celebration. As the stewards ruSh to try to contain the problem ("sit down, all of you!") we go down the other end and score! Crowd gets just about settled, Everton make various substitutions to try to rescue to CL place and our old faults come back to haunt us as with just a minute on the clock Ferguson rises to head the equaliser. Cue more celebrations and the biggest punch up the Reebok has seen. mini pitch invasion by scousers trying to get away from the grief, players are taken off with one minute of the 4 extra played.Crowd is calmed down with the extra scousers herded over by the away bottom tier bit and the police allow the players out. Pop-eyed Moyes tries to get the ref to blow for time to calm the atmosphere; Sam chins him. Ref insists on the last 3 minutes being played; after 2:30 of them Bolton get a corner - they're kicking towards the away fans now - and JJ curls it in; keeper fumbles, Stubbs kicks out but skies it to Nolan who blast a shot in on goal BUT hits the post and it bounces out; at that moment we think the CL place has been lost, the scousers are mid jump of celebration when they realise who the ball has fallen to. Yes, its Diouf who rams it home and wheels off towards the Everton fans in celebration. The Reebok erupts; David Moyes' eyes pop completely out and are left dangling by their optic nerves; the ref blows for time; Ferguson chins the ref and is banned for life; during our lap of honour the entire team run over to the remaining Everton fans and gob on them in a show of solidarity with Diouf; carnage in the car park as the scousers get a good shoeing thanks to Uncle Albert and Granddad coming out of retirement and marshalling Bolton Yoof into an effective combat unit; Garrp soils his trousers and seeks solace in the arms of Timmy. Next year we stuff Rhyl in the first round; Sporting Tractors of Turkmenistan in the second and get drawn in a group with AC Milan. 9k bevved up Whites at the San Siro, including Bobcat who blames Sam for having to play the extra qualification games rather than getting straight into the group section.

aye it was cash - yeh, I could see that if the money had been paid straight in then they would have a strong argument obviously. But handed over cash in hand with no receipt. After all, as he pointed out, the money may not have even been his - if he was changing it for someone else he wouldnt even have the grand now. Thing is, he's threatening them with solicitors etc and so he's got to be careful he doesnt bite off more than he can chew.

Lad at work went into his bank to change 1000 euros into sterling. Girl behind the counter screwed up and presumably did the calculation twice ie converted them and converted again as she paid him almost a grand instead of the 600 odd quid it should have been. He doesnt sign any receipt or owt and of course gets home well chuffed; thinks that ultimately he may have to give the difference back but not without some grovelling on their part. Two days later he gets a letter saying they've realised their mistake and have taken the difference out of his account. Can that be legal???

Not as big a disgrace as that pop-eyed pillock Moyes

"a lot of bolton people want him out" Yeh? Pillocks

what a bloody pillock - I mean with the money and for that matter chauffeurs at their disposal. In the light of what they did with Mutu you have to wonder what will happen, so you could be right Spud

Next week, Biffo in the 60s