January 23, 20251 yr Today is weigh day. Always do it first thing. Hadn't managed a morning dump first though, however within a couple of minutes, nature took its course. Scales are only down to 0.1 kg, and it wasn't the most comprehensive of dumps, but my weight decreased by around 200g. This rough, scientific research has ascertained that the average dump weighs approximately half a pound. Perhaps a bit more. Anyone else undertaken similar, and what were your findings? Thought it might have been more.
January 24, 20251 yr I think this thread is in danger of veering into a serious discussion about water companies. Let's keep things on track please 🙏 😁
January 24, 20251 yr Just now, kent_white said: I think this thread is in danger of veering into a serious discussion about water companies. Let's keep things on track please 🙏 😁 Danny Shittu Mart Poom
January 24, 20251 yr Author 7 minutes ago, kent_white said: I think this thread is in danger of veering into a serious discussion about water companies. Let's keep things on track please 🙏 😁 OK. There is plenty to discuss about companies, but I'll leave it for elsewhere.
January 24, 20251 yr 3 minutes ago, Tonge moor green jacket said: OK. There is plenty to discuss about companies, but I'll leave it for elsewhere. 😆 - you know it will only end up descending into bitching and name calling like all the other bloody threads! Safer to just stick with toilet humour! 🤣
January 24, 20251 yr Author This morning's contribution was more of a normal size. Three crumpets got the ball rolling. As for piss weight, it's difficult to gauge.
January 24, 20251 yr Just now, Tonge moor green jacket said: This morning's contribution was more of a normal size. Three crumpets got the ball rolling. As for piss weight, it's difficult to gauge. A litre is approximately 1 kg give or take ABV etc. Take a lenor bottle for old times sake.
January 24, 20251 yr Author 1 minute ago, kent_white said: 😆 - you know it will only end up descending into bitching and name calling like all the other bloody threads! Safer to just stick with toilet humour! 🤣 I remember working up Hall i'th Wood way back. Fuckin screw loose woman, noted for her habits, asked us to move this black bin liner. Full of her excrement. One of the lads managed to get a snow shovel under it, but as he lifted it, the weight caused the bag to tear. Like fucking lava, it oozed over the sides. Lad dropped it, and we all ran down the road. Miasma was way beyond anything experienced before or since.
January 24, 20251 yr Author 2 minutes ago, green genie said: A litre is approximately 1 kg give or take ABV etc. Take a lenor bottle for old times sake. Of course. I was meaning more that if you've already had a piss not long before, then you aren't going to release as much during a dump. Unlike one of my hounds, who seems to be able to piss a volume on demand, irrespective of spots previously marked.
January 24, 20251 yr 19 hours ago, Tonge moor green jacket said: How did he measure a submerged turd? More importantly why? 1. It was a floater 2. It was well impressive and funny Edited January 24, 20251 yr by Dimron
January 24, 20251 yr Author 14 minutes ago, Dimron said: 1. It was a floater 2. It was well impressive and funny So how then? A piece of string carefully curled round, on the surface, without touching the log?
January 24, 20251 yr 1 hour ago, Tonge moor green jacket said: So how then? A piece of string carefully curled round, on the surface, without touching the log? I went into the office at the end of the day and the site agent said "we're looking for the phantom shitter, Bernard has measured the fkkr and its 20 inches long".... I didn't ask how but he was the clerk of works and if he wants to spend time measuring my shits he was quite welcome. I owned up, I'd been clenching my buttocks all morning supervising a big concrete pour and as I said, the level in the thunderbox was well up... this was 1980'ish and things on site were pretty basic. My then future wife knew all about it... her dad was an agent for the same company and the record went around the sites like a wildfire 😁
January 24, 20251 yr I take codeine when my dodgy knee flairs up. A couple of days on that stuff especially if I'm not drinking and the turds I produce are world class. I have no idea how I part with them. Think of a full size Christmas chocolate log but slightly longer and without any snow on
January 24, 20251 yr Author 5 minutes ago, batton carrier said: I take codeine when my dodgy knee flairs up. A couple of days on that stuff especially if I'm not drinking and the turds I produce are world class. I have no idea how I part with them. Think of a full size Christmas chocolate log but slightly longer and without any snow on Oh aye, its terrible stuff that. Bunged up for a day or two then a defence splitting pass finally beats the offside trap. Tears to the eyes, as concern screams across your furrowed brow, that your poor crimper is being torn asunder.
January 24, 20251 yr 4 or 5 shits A DAY?? Assuming it’s a proper visit like proper men make, that’s at least an hour a day sat on t’throne. ring a doctor
January 24, 20251 yr Author What are you doing- going on your phone at the same time? Whether it's a normal dump, a strained, opioid induced torpedo or an explosive cyclogenesis type event, it shouldn't be taking that long. Unless, you're including a swift, under-the-radar power wank too.
January 25, 20251 yr 10 hours ago, Tonge moor green jacket said: Oh aye, its terrible stuff that. Bunged up for a day or two then a defence splitting pass finally beats the offside trap. Tears to the eyes, as concern screams across your furrowed brow, that your poor crimper is being torn asunder. Opioids do help produce the most amazing turds . I did one the other morning and it felt like my hips were dislocating as it slowly passed through departures. Has to be the closest thing to giving birth that a man can ever experience
January 27, 20251 yr On 25/01/2025 at 07:25, batton carrier said: Opioids do help produce the most amazing turds . I did one the other morning and it felt like my hips were dislocating as it slowly passed through departures. Has to be the closest thing to giving birth that a man can ever experience Like when a massive boa constrictor dislocates it's jaw to swallow a gazelle, but in reverse?
January 27, 20251 yr After my colonoscopy my doctor has never left me alone. They said I was anaemic and gave me iron tablets. Then they sent me a kit to shit on a stick but I'm not shitting at the moment because of the iron tablets. Make your mind up doc. When I do take a shit I'll report back.
January 27, 20251 yr On 24/01/2025 at 09:28, kent_white said: Scat Le Tissier Turdy Nowak one for th'owd 'uns) Logney Marsh (ditto) Gary Squirtles (again - what was about 70s footballers?). Runny Rosenthal Jurgen Plop Constipation Boutsianis (one for Bolty there) Andrex Kanchelskis Shaun Floater and yon mon Mario Turdó - Wikipedia
Today is weigh day.
Always do it first thing.
Hadn't managed a morning dump first though, however within a couple of minutes, nature took its course.
Scales are only down to 0.1 kg, and it wasn't the most comprehensive of dumps, but my weight decreased by around 200g.
This rough, scientific research has ascertained that the average dump weighs approximately half a pound.
Perhaps a bit more.
Anyone else undertaken similar, and what were your findings?
Thought it might have been more.