Weight of a shit.

[green genie]

On original topic you missed the vital part of equation of how much piss was expelled. 
 

I could explain where it goes but suffice to say there is nothing like the amount of raw sewage making it to the sea than was the case 30 years ago. Water authorities shouldn’t have been privatised but to say things are worse is nonsense.

Edited January 24, 2025 by green genie

[kent_white]

I think this thread is in danger of veering into a serious discussion about water companies. 

Let's keep things on track please 🙏 😁

[Jol_BWFC]

Just now, kent_white said:

I think this thread is in danger of veering into a serious discussion about water companies. 

Let's keep things on track please 🙏 😁

Danny Shittu

Mart Poom

[kent_white]

Scat Le Tissier

 

[Tonge moor green jacket]

7 minutes ago, kent_white said:

I think this thread is in danger of veering into a serious discussion about water companies. 

Let's keep things on track please 🙏 😁

OK.

There is plenty to discuss about companies, but I'll leave it for elsewhere. 

[kent_white]

3 minutes ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

OK.

There is plenty to discuss about companies, but I'll leave it for elsewhere. 

😆 - you know it will only end up descending into bitching and name calling like all the other bloody threads! 

Safer to just stick with toilet humour! 🤣

[Tonge moor green jacket]

This morning's contribution was more of a normal size.

Three crumpets got the ball rolling. 

As for piss weight, it's difficult to gauge.

[green genie]

Just now, Tonge moor green jacket said:

This morning's contribution was more of a normal size.

Three crumpets got the ball rolling. 

As for piss weight, it's difficult to gauge.

A litre is approximately 1 kg give or take ABV etc.

Take a lenor bottle for old times sake.

[Tonge moor green jacket]

1 minute ago, kent_white said:

😆 - you know it will only end up descending into bitching and name calling like all the other bloody threads! 

Safer to just stick with toilet humour! 🤣

I remember working up Hall i'th Wood way back.

Fuckin screw loose woman, noted for her habits, asked us to move this black bin liner.

Full of her excrement. 

One of the lads managed to get a snow shovel under it, but as he lifted it, the weight caused the bag to tear.

Like fucking lava, it oozed over the sides.

Lad dropped it, and we all ran down the road.

Miasma was way beyond anything experienced before or since.

 

[Tonge moor green jacket]

2 minutes ago, green genie said:

A litre is approximately 1 kg give or take ABV etc.

Take a lenor bottle for old times sake.

Of course.

I was meaning more that if you've already had a piss not long before, then you aren't going to release as much during a dump.

Unlike one of my hounds, who seems to be able to piss a volume on demand, irrespective of spots previously marked.

[Dimron]

19 hours ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

How did he measure a submerged turd?

More importantly why?

 

1. It was a floater

2. It was well impressive and funny

Edited January 24, 2025 by Dimron

[Tonge moor green jacket]

14 minutes ago, Dimron said:

1. It was a floater

2. It was well impressive and funny

So how then?

A piece of string carefully curled round, on the surface, without touching the log?

[Dimron]

1 hour ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

So how then?

A piece of string carefully curled round, on the surface, without touching the log?

I went into the office at the end of the day and the site agent said "we're looking for the phantom shitter, Bernard has measured the fkkr and its 20 inches long".... I didn't ask how but he was the clerk of works and if he wants to spend time measuring my shits he was quite welcome.

I owned up, I'd been clenching my buttocks all morning supervising a big concrete pour and as I said, the level in the thunderbox was well up... this was 1980'ish and things on site were pretty basic.

My then future wife knew all about it... her dad was an agent for the same company and the record went around the sites like a wildfire 😁

[batton carrier]

I take codeine when my dodgy knee flairs up. A couple of days on that stuff especially if I'm not drinking and the turds I produce are world class. I have no idea how I part with them. Think of a full size Christmas chocolate log  but slightly longer and without any snow on

[Tonge moor green jacket]

5 minutes ago, batton carrier said:

I take codeine when my dodgy knee flairs up. A couple of days on that stuff especially if I'm not drinking and the turds I produce are world class. I have no idea how I part with them. Think of a full size Christmas chocolate log  but slightly longer and without any snow on

Oh aye, its terrible stuff that.

Bunged up for a day or two then a defence splitting pass finally beats the offside trap.

Tears to the eyes, as concern screams across your furrowed brow, that your poor crimper is being torn asunder. 

[Spider]

4 or 5 shits A DAY??

Assuming it’s a proper visit like proper men make, that’s at least an hour a day sat on t’throne.

ring a doctor

[Tonge moor green jacket]

What are you doing- going on your phone at the same time?

Whether it's a normal dump, a strained, opioid induced torpedo or an explosive cyclogenesis type event, it shouldn't be taking that long.

Unless, you're including a swift, under-the-radar power wank too.

 

[batton carrier]

10 hours ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

Oh aye, its terrible stuff that.

Bunged up for a day or two then a defence splitting pass finally beats the offside trap.

Tears to the eyes, as concern screams across your furrowed brow, that your poor crimper is being torn asunder. 

Opioids do help produce the most amazing turds . I did one the other morning and it felt like my hips were dislocating as it slowly passed through departures. Has to be the closest thing to giving birth that a man can ever experience 

[Sweep]

On 25/01/2025 at 07:25, batton carrier said:

Opioids do help produce the most amazing turds . I did one the other morning and it felt like my hips were dislocating as it slowly passed through departures. Has to be the closest thing to giving birth that a man can ever experience 

Like when a massive boa constrictor dislocates it's jaw to swallow a gazelle, but in reverse?

 

[FrancisFogarty]

After my colonoscopy my doctor has never left me alone. They said I was anaemic and gave me iron tablets. Then they sent me a kit to shit on a stick but I'm not shitting at the moment because of the iron tablets. Make your mind up doc. 

When I do take a shit I'll report back.

 

 

[SatanGreavsie]

On 24/01/2025 at 09:28, kent_white said:

Scat Le Tissier

 

Turdy Nowak one for th'owd 'uns)

Logney Marsh (ditto)

Gary Squirtles (again - what was about 70s footballers?).

Runny Rosenthal

Jurgen Plop

Constipation Boutsianis (one for Bolty there)

Andrex Kanchelskis

Shaun Floater

and yon mon  Mario Turdó - Wikipedia

 

[Tonge moor green jacket]

Squirtles went to Manure, where he was shit.

 

[Sweep]

Danny Shittu

[Traf]

Eric Dier-ea

[Tonge moor green jacket]

Joe Dodoo.