Dunno if anyone else has ever done this, but I just sneezed mid-shit and the seizure it caused to my cutter sent the half exposed turd into the water so fast, it splashed as high as the plant on top of the bog.

 

And then you have "Just this one fart." and the whole process starts again because of that tiny bit of poo within the fart bubble!

 

 

Talking of fart bubbles; did you ever have one of those tiny farts that are strong enough to part the cheeks of your arse but not to break through to vibration stage?

 

Or when you're in polite company and are dying to fart but obviously can't for fear of either a floor shudderring noise or a sewerage works stench. You hold it and hold it and suddenly you feel the vibration of the gas going back up your intestine and you start thinking, "Fuck, I hope I don't burp!"

Does anybody else go through loads of bog roll trying to get the starfish spotless, sometimes I'll check for smears then 5mins later im stuck to my gruds

 

I dont bother wiping

 

I just wear brown gruds

You lot really need to add "moist toilet tissue" to your shopping lists.

You lot really need to add "moist toilet tissue" to your shopping lists.

 

does that actually work though?

does that actually work though?

 

 

I guarantee you, it works.

 

Come on boys, give it a go.

I guarantee you, it works.

 

Come on boys, give it a go.

 

gonna be weird carrying kandoo round with me all day

gonna be weird carrying kandoo round with me all day

 

They do handy packs

 

 

TWELVE PACK? I bet half the women on here would relabel that as a ONE SHIT PACK.

I guarantee you, it works.

 

Come on boys, give it a go.

 

Trouble is they leave a damp residue around your arsehole which makes me think 'this is what puffs must feel like when they cough after sex'

 

For that reason, I am out.

How exactly do you put a poo back up you? There's some weird fuckers on here.

 

you don't 'put it back'

 

it was probably half way to birkenhead

 

you need excellent muscle control in the botty region

 

yours are probably fooked due to excessive hammer

you don't 'put it back'

 

it was probably half way to birkenhead

 

you need excellent muscle control in the botty region

 

yours are probably fooked due to excessive hammer

 

 

 

No need!

Trouble is they leave a damp residue around your arsehole which makes me think 'this is what puffs must feel like when they cough after sex'

 

For that reason, I am out.

Nothing better than a good dump.. read the paper... can of lager and stink the bog out for an hour.

 

I miss married life for these pleasures

 

It's not the same stinking my own bog out

Nothing better than a good dump.. read the paper... can of lager and stink the bog out for an hour.

 

I miss married life for these pleasures

 

It's not the same stinking my own bog out

 

You take a can of lager when you go for a shit?

Trouble is they leave a damp residue around your arsehole which makes me think 'this is what puffs must feel like when they cough after sex'

 

For that reason, I am out.

 

 

 

No, silly. You used a dry piece last to get rid of that dampness.

 

I can't believe I'm having to tell you lot how to wipe you're bottoms, though I'm not surprised.

No, silly. You used a dry piece last to get rid of that dampness.

 

I can't believe I'm having to tell you lot how to wipe you're bottoms, though I'm not surprised.

 

So you still need bog roll?

 

Why not avoid the need for unnecessary expense and keep keep to one simple tried and tested product, even if it is a six wiper?

You take a can of lager when you go for a shit?

 

He can't afford a bidet

So you still need bog roll?

 

Why not avoid the need for unnecessary expense and keep keep to one simple tried and tested product, even if it is a six wiper?

Yes, you need both. Bit like shampoo and conditioner. And don't pretend you only use soap on that hair!

He can't afford a bidet

 

I'm now imagining someone furiously shaking the can during the dumping phase and then squatting over it while it gets opened.

Nothing better than a good dump.. read the paper... can of lager and stink the bog out for an hour.

 

I miss married life for these pleasures

 

It's not the same stinking my own bog out

 

Jazza the speed you drink at, do you take a 12 pack in?

Yes, you need both. Bit like shampoo and conditioner. And don't pretend you only use soap on that hair!

 

Minty fresh shower gel only, thats all you need. Hair bollocks and feet.

Minty fresh shower gel only, thats all you need. Hair bollocks and feet.

 

I hope its Original Source, otherwise you're using the wrong one.

I hope its Original Source, otherwise you're using the wrong one.

 

Aye, the one with a zillion mint leaves that makes your go ooooohhh

Dont get it on your bell.

Dont get it on your bell.

Behave u Girl, I Like that tingly feeling!