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Wanderers Ways. Neil Thompson 1961-2021

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Jokes

Featured Replies

When does a chinese man go to the dentist? tooth hurty.

 

What do you call a chinese man with a camera? Phil Ming.

 

I'll get my coat.

Me: When i finger i Bird it smells like Fish

Diddles: when i finger a Bird it smells like Pigeon

The teacher asked Jimmy,Why is your cat at school today Jimmy, Jimmy replied crying, Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

lickalodofpuss.

 

what do you call an Asian in the microwave? Piding

 

what do you call a pair of Asian gayers? Rammit & jammit.

Edited by tomski

CLAIM CLAIM CLAIM! Were you abused by a celebrity in the seventies or eighties? Did Jim fix it for you? Where you one of Rolf's two little boys? Did you get serviced in Kevin Webster's garage? Remember where there's a stain, there's a claim! Simply text MYARSEISSTILLSORE .. To 81300

My girlfriend has just left me due to my obsession with slade.

 

Oh well,i suppose it's gud'buy to Jane then.

I walked in the kitchen to find my wife on the floor after drinking a full bottle of windowlene.

 

She was clearly dead.

David Beckham gets into a London taxi and he sees the driver looking at him in the rear view mirror.

 

After about 5 minutes the driver says "OK give me a clue"

 

Beckham says

 

"I had a glittering career at Manchester United, played in America and got over a  100 caps for England, is that enough?"

 

Driver says

 

"No you thick twat, where do you want to go?"

Two black men on horseback and wearing suits of armour rode past my house last night. I thought hello the knights are getting darker.

 

It's not racists by the way :)

I walked in the kitchen to find my wife on the floor after drinking a full bottle of windowlene.

 

She was clearly dead.

this has made me proper titter

Did you hear about the kid that drowned in a bowl of musli?

 

He got swept out by the current.

An oldie but Goodie,

 

I was in bed having sex with my Chinese wife, when i'd finished i commented on how baggy her fanny was getting, she went crazy and asked "Why are you always Clittysizing"

I was in a Chinese Resteraunt the other night and told the waitress "this chicken is rubbery"

 

She replied "aaa thank you very much"

I've just downloaded a Joe Hart screensaver for my laptop.

 

And now i can't save anything :)

Man united are to be renamed port talbot as they are currently in between Cardiff and Swansea.

I know an alcoholic lesbian  -

 

She likes a good liqueur. 

Dodgywheel - I can not read any of your posts, my eye will not move away from your avatar.

 

Beltin.

Edited by Pablo

BEWARE: Not sure if this is a scam but I received a text saying I had won £500 or an evening to an Elvis Tribute, it said...Press 1 for the money or 2 for the show!!

A woman is lay on all fours with spunk dripping out of her arse and both corners of her mouth. What does this tell you?

 

Your floor is level...

What do you call a vicar on a motorbike?

 

Rev.

Police reports from America are suggesting that Elvis didn't die from a drugs overdose after all.

Apparently he was found dead at Gracelands attempting to get out through the little door used by the cat.

A police statement read "He's caught in a flap, he can't walk out"

Did you hear about Elvis the mouse??

 

He was caught in a trap.

A friend of mine, Matthew, went into a shop today and said, "I'd like a jar of nectar, a blanket and a cuddly toy bear."

The shopkeeper bagged it all up and asked for the cash, but Matt said, "Ah, sorry pal, I've left my money at home."

The shopkeeper sighed and said, "Look, if you cut my lawn...we'll call it quits."

"That sounds like a raw deal", Matt grunted. "How much was everything?"
 
 

"In pounds...well, it's one for the honey, two for the throw, three to get teddy now mow, Matt, mow!"
Daily Mirror - "Januzaj can play for England"

The Sun - "Januzaj can play for England"

Daily Express - "Januzaj can play for England"

 

Daily Mail - "Mass influx of foreign youths threatens England National Team"

My sister had a baby boy. We'd have people over and she'd be sitting there with her breast out feeding him.

 

Cereal, or whatever.

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