Can we have a dedicated thread for asking the audience for all things 'handy' and DIY? There might be one already but I can't find it, I reckon' it's worth having one anyroad (thinly veiled I'm bodging again)...

 

I've noticed a few queeries on here along these lines recently and think they could all be amalgamated into one.

not what I was hopeing for

not what I was hopeing for

:-)

My fallout shelter is falling apart through lack of use, thinking of converting it to a wank den.

My fallout shelter is falling apart through lack of use, thinking of converting it to a wank den.

Rent it out to LW

Will this include Excel spreadsheets?

 

This week has been disgraceful.

 

At one point, I considered becoming a suicide bomber but wrapped in about half a tonne of excel printouts.

 

Not sure what it would have achieved, but it would certainly be more than I have this week.

You should've just made a powerpoint with three slides instead...

 

YOU'RE

ALL

TWATS

 

Then you could've mooned them and bid them farewell, forever. There's only lies, damned lies and statistics anyhow, so you shouldn't have 'sweat' it producing graphs.

I can't set my oven clock after a blackout last week.

 

The cunting thing won't work without the clock being set.

 

I've downloaded manuals, watched YouTube videos and one appliance fixer bloke has failed to turn up 2 days running.

 

Im just going to buy a new oven.

You should've just made a powerpoint with three slides instead...

 

YOU'RE

ALL

TWATS

 

Then you could've mooned them and bid them farewell, forever. There's only lies, damned lies and statistics anyhow, so you shouldn't have 'sweat' it producing graphs.

The ironic thing is that these graphs are solely for my benefit, or I would gladly have made a presentation that was nothing more than a succession of slides depicting increasingly jaw-dropping anal scenes from movies that Gonzo would find hardcore.

I can't set my oven clock after a blackout last week.

 

The cunting thing won't work without the clock being set.

 

I've downloaded manuals, watched YouTube videos and one appliance fixer bloke has failed to turn up 2 days running.

 

Im just going to buy a new oven.

Is it a Neff by any chance?

Is it a Neff by any chance?

Afraid not my friend.

 

Hotpoint. There's only so much bbq and fried food a man can take.

I can't set my oven clock after a blackout last week.

 

The cunting thing won't work without the clock being set.

 

I've downloaded manuals, watched YouTube videos and one appliance fixer bloke has failed to turn up 2 days running.

 

Im just going to buy a new oven.

get a smoke alarm

Afraid not my friend.

Hotpoint. There's only so much bbq and fried food a man can take.

If the clock bit has fucked replace it, cheaper than a new oven. Walton's up Halliwell road is ace, got many a part for things. Must have saved a for tune.

Anyone know how oil/fluid keeps getting in my starter motor? (Ford transit connect)

 

And how to prevent it?

Anyone know how oil/fluid keeps getting in my starter motor? (Ford transit connect)

 

And how to prevent it?

 

Are you resting your egg butties on the starter motor to keep them warm?

 

Margarine must be seeping down into the motor.

 

Keep the butties warm by nestling them in the arse crack of a co-worker instead.

Are you resting your egg butties on the starter motor to keep them warm?

 

Margarine must be seeping down into the motor.

 

Keep the butties warm by nestling them in the arse crack of a co-worker instead.

Margarine??

 

Only queers, foreigners and skunk pussies eat margarine.

 

100% salted butter only on these bad boys my friend.

Margarine??

 

Only queers, foreigners and skunk pussies eat margarine.

 

100% salted butter only on these bad boys my friend.

 

My Mum still calls butter "Best butter".

 

I asked her what second best butter is, and she told me to leave the room.

 

So I'm none the wiser.

My Mum still calls butter "Best butter".

 

I asked her what second best butter is, and she told me to leave the room.

 

So I'm none the wiser.

 

Does she have best butter on the bread that she dunks into her lobby?

Does she have best butter on the bread that she dunks into her lobby?

 

My mum is a faultless human being in so many ways.

 

Her fondness for lobby is a rare blip.

 

She probably does dunk bread and best butter into it. And in doing so my be breaking some centuries old Leyth Bylaw that means if she gets caught, she'll be drowned in a mill pond.

 

Coming home from school to be faced with a pan of this monstrosity still sends a shudder up my spine. I can see her now, hammering through the suet crust to the sewage beneath. Eurgh.

 

 

Coming home from school to be faced with a pan of this monstrosity still sends a shudder up my spine.

 

Child Abuse that mate

 

People still talk about how bad it was for workhouse children to be fed gruel....how is this any different?

Child Abuse that mate

 

People still talk about how bad it was for workhouse children to be fed gruel....how is this any different?

 

The main difference is that gruel has no sweetcorn, celeriac or quinoa in it.

If you opened a 'gruel bar' in a former workhouse in a gentrified area of London - I reckon you'd make a killing!

Elvis-themed, called Don't Be Gruel ?

The spinning gruel

Gruel never believe it?

Gruel Britannia