You sneeze in the shower, slip and pull something in your neck. I'm only 34, if this is a sign of things to come I want putting down now. Christ it hurts. 

You have so much to look forward to; sudden ankle pains which make you limp like you have a broken leg then moments later, no pain, no limp, fuck all! It’s like being a scouser going signing on the sick.

Edited September 21, 20214 yr by MickyD
Fat thumb

25 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

You sneeze in the shower, slip and pull something in your neck. I'm only 34, if this is a sign of things to come I want putting down now. Christ it hurts. 

I’m sensing that we’re not getting the full picture here

36 minutes ago, MickyD said:

You have so much to look forward to; sudden ankle pains which make you limp like you have a broken leg then moments later, no pain, no limp, fuck all! It’s like being a scouser going signing on the sick.

I get those already. Usually walking downstairs then my life flashes before my eyes. 

My job involves being on my knees alot (behave) and I have a bursar on my knee from my rounders playing days. Honest to God you'd think I'm dying after kneeling for 40 mins and trying to get up. Even 90 year old Doris is worried about me. 

18 minutes ago, Spider said:

I’m sensing that we’re not getting the full picture here

I wish it was more sordid. Unfortunately for me, it isn't. I'm just falling to bits. 

Making a noise when you sit down is an indicator, making a noise when you have to get back up is a sign of being taken to the glue factory 

4 minutes ago, Rudy said:

Making a noise when you sit down is an indicator, making a noise when you have to get back up is a sign of being taken to the glue factory 

You know you do it alot when your 7 year old copies you. 

5 minutes ago, Rudy said:

Making a noise when you sit down is an indicator, making a noise when you have to get back up is a sign of being taken to the glue factory 

Getting in and out of the car like an American is my sign that I’m ready for the Home.

Just now, Spider said:

Getting in and out of the car like an American is my sign that I’m ready for the Home.

Your gonna be one of THOSE old men in homes I see aren't you. Asking for a bed bath and telling me you have a sore on your balls when I walk past. 

Wait till you sneeze in the shower and shart yourself

Just now, Spider said:

Getting in and out of the car like an American is my sign that I’m ready for the Home.

My grandma has one of those chairs that lifts you out. GAME CHANGER

Just now, Rudy said:

My grandma has one of those chairs that lifts you out. GAME CHANGER

You've had a go haven't you? 

5 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

Your gonna be one of THOSE old men in homes I see aren't you. Asking for a bed bath and telling me you have a sore on your balls when I walk past. 

I’m insulted that I’d even need to ask.

This country is on its knees.

21 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

You've had a go haven't you? 

Just to make sure it works 

44 minutes ago, Rudy said:

Making a noise when you sit down is an indicator, making a noise when you have to get back up is a sign of being taken to the glue factory 

I made a noise getting out of my armchair last night that was like a star wars tie fighter. 

It's time 

More than once I've put the kettle in the fridge instead of the milk after making a brew.

Just now, ErnestTurnip said:

More than once I've put the kettle in the fridge instead of the milk after making a brew.

Orange juice in coffee I've done a few times

18 minutes ago, Rudy said:

Just to make sure it works 

Yeah OK. Stair lifts are fun too. JSL

10 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

Yeah OK. Stair lifts are fun too. JSL

All fun and games til you have a power cut half way down... 

3 minutes ago, stevieb said:

All fun and games til you have a power cut half way down... 

Brian Potter style

1 minute ago, bolton_blondie said:

Brian Potter style

Nevermind that smell 

1 hour ago, Spider said:

I’m sensing that we’re not getting the full picture here

Some of us got the full picture.

You not on the mailing list?

2 minutes ago, Traf said:

Some of us got the full picture.

You not on the mailing list?

Thanks for your monthly subscription. Eating steak this week now. 

Just now, bolton_blondie said:

Eating steak this week now. 

Ah, is that what it was?

3 hours ago, bolton_blondie said:

Your gonna be one of THOSE old men in homes I see aren't you. Asking for a bed bath and telling me you have a sore on your balls when I walk past. 

What do you mean he's gonna be

I only changed his glass units and he was lay on couch with his pants around his ankles moaning about his ball sack

When you wake up with heartburn at 4am and instead of thinking "Maybe gorgonzola on toast at 1am wasn't the best idea..."

You instead think...

"I've been so sedentary, a clots's probably formed, broke free and I'm minutes from a Pulmonary Embolism..."

Then gone and swigged heavily from a bottle of Amaretto as an emergency blood thinner...