Crawley White

Sorry but they really do sound like Cast with distortion pedals!

There's no egg

Funny how our paths never crossed when you had the Jim Bob, I was too busy looking in mirrors at my flowing curtains or a 'Chesney' as no one at the time called it. Although when you shone a light behind my head it produced a lovely siloette in the shape of a mushroom. I was the one and only, indeed.

You fibbing toerag Kent. You tried to grow a 'Jim Bob' (which is bad enough in itself) but as i recall it never got past your eyebrows. Why don't you tell everyone about the fact that you dyed your hair so many times it went grey and then fell out?

Aren't they supposed to be Noel Gallagher's favorite band? Heard a couple of songs, ok but didn't really float me boat.

I'm afraid no ballet tonight - I've got the joy of the Pirates of friggin Penzance.

Being a late bloomer I only passed my test 3 months ago, had a nightmare getting insurance on a rust bucket Carolla but Quinn were the cheapest for a lazy git like me. Thank god I'm over 25 - god knows how 17 year olds get insurance.

Sorry to hear about that Kent - they must be gutted, will bell you this evening.

Hardly bloody subtle! 'My, I seem to have a can of BO Basher on me desk, might has well give it a tweek.' My team would think I've got potty if I started using roll on before our team meetings. Mind you it seems to have woked, I take it you work in HR?

8. Do I win a prize?

He's going to hate me for this, but it has been mentioned on more than one occasion, that he does resemble something more akin to: That'll teach you to out me as a ballet fan!

9 for me, that's a bit wrong isn't it?

I'm sorry but Mr Lowe does ruin the music. He's a little suck up who comes across like a playschool teacher in charge of his older brother's record collection. I bet he spells youth, 'yoof'

Been listening to XFM down here for a couple of years - its excellent, espcially mid morning and Saturday evening when they have a new bands section. Radio 1 from 10.00pm - 12.00am is really good but can't stand the breakfast show or the bat faced Jo Wiley. Chris Morris is a fat Yorkshire turd whose ego matches his waistline. The new DLT, make no mistake!

Oh, so he really is a thick as the proverbial two short planks. Kent is a wee bit bigger than the comical photo, you wouldn't like him when he's angry!! All that Salsa has built up his muscles a treat.

I hope that in some way you are being satirical.

But at those amounts its not so much of a problem. Also you can't run a ticket office on a 'Don't do that again' policy.

To be honest, ticket office sound in the right to me. How was the bloke not to know you were selling tickets to other fans? Like any other ticket office they have got to cap amounts to stop touts. Ok, it sounds as though you weren't dealt with in a brilliant manner, but the policy seems sound. Just an opinion, don't all start having a go!

I'm afraid Kent does protest too much. Around Chatham he's known as 'Snake Hips' And while I'm at it, he phoned me on Sunday and during the conversation, asked what I had thought of 'last night's Strictly Come Dancing'

Excellent punning lads - anyone want a job?

All those quotes are from The Rumour Mill and the Fiver, both of which take the piss out of every team. Surely we're not so serious that we can't take the mick out of ourselves?!!

I think that what's happening now is that we have been pretty spolit under Sevn. He realised we're not as good as the press (and some of the players) like to think they are and so he made us difficult to beat, boring to watch, but nevertheless we always knew we where going to get to the World and European Cups. Next thing you know the red tops have us down as world beaters. I also think he's realiance on Beckham was not because of a devotion to celebrity (although Sven clearly has a sizable ego) but because he flet that set pieces and long crosses into the box were our best chances. Rooney wasn't the new Gazza at the WC that we hoped for but that was nothing you could blame Sven for, as his season is showing. The reasons Sven wasn't loved by the English public was beacuse: a) He has a pragmatic coach, not a lovable loser He wasn't passionate enough on the touchline, which people mistook for poor leadership. Still, don't get me worng, this is all with hindsight. I wasn't saying this after we got knocked out, but then again I'm not in charge of the FA.

If you must know it was part of my job, it was a press night where I work. If mud is too be thrown, Kent regulary takes part in Salsa lessons to 'keep fit' Fallen apart after week two. BWFC - selling tatty goods at sky high prices.

I'll have you know I went alone to the ballet - ON TUESDAY (how sad does that sound?!!!). I have no shame in my love of a good Pirouette. Anyway Mounts - bit out of order, Crawley is about 50 miles away and I work near Portsmouth. Anyway, I'm skint as I've got a seven week old baby. Still, why the hell am I justifying myself to you???!!!

I'd be going but as you stood me up on friday to drive your lady friend home from work, Kent, I shall decline.