Fash in the Attic.

 

Old people desperate for cash to spend on heating look for family heirlooms and find John Fashanu living in their attic.

 

Awooga.

 

Dancing With Stars In Their Eyes

 

Where the couples go binge drinking in various city centres on Friday/Saturday nights, get into a fight, and then get voted in/out by the baying crowds in Ben Sherman shirts/lates from New Look.

 

Ramsays Kitchen Nightmare on Elm Street

 

Find a restaurant on Elm Street (gotta be one somewhere). Gordon has to cook wearing a blindfold while anybody with a spare fiver can wear Freddie Kruger style slashing gloves and set about the stupid cvnt for ten minutes.

 

Wife Swap Shop

 

Hosted by Noel Edmonds. Reality TV meets suburban swinging. Viewers get to auction their own wives and bid on others. Then we all watch the hilarity that ensues.

 

One Man and his Ross Kemp's Ultimate Gangs

 

Blue Peter Kay

 

Ultimate Shed Makeover Challenge on Ice with Sarah Green

 

 

Camberwick Green Room

 

 

Friday Night with Jonathan King

Boss Scat

 

Cartoon adventures of a wordly-wise feline trying to not get shat on by Officer Dibble

but surely it would be Officer Dribble

but surely it would be Officer Dribble

Indeed

 

Daubhill Deckers

 

A bus load of kids plan their next burglary

Last of the Scummer Whine

 

A bunch of old Southampton fans mouthing off

Coronation Pleat Street

 

Join David, the ex Tottenham manager as he cruises the streets of Wetherfield.

 

Panorvalderama

 

Carlos, your favourite Colombian midfielder discusses the latest bollox

 

Name that Goon

 

Blindfolded contestants slug it out to identify the waxen effigies of their favourite loony - hilarity guaranteed

Edited September 10, 200817 yr by Barnstoneworth White

Take Your Spic - Des O'Connor hosts a revamped version of this classic quiz game, in which (after passing the yes/no game), Bolton Wanderers fans get their revenge on Spanish pigs, this time the fans are armed with iron bars!

Wheel of Quinton Fortune

 

The contestants have to guess the letters making up the name of this mystery injury suffered by the ex-Man Utd and Bolton "star"

Thongs of Praise

 

This week, the long running religious programme comes from a Kettering lap dancing club

Trifecta Morse:

 

Oxford's most famous cop is caught in a compromising position with his boss' wife. She's sat on his chest with his balls in her mouth, she's wanking him off with her right hand and her left index finger is up his arse: all at once!

I'm sorry I haven't a glue.

Teenage drug addicts fight it out in the chemistry lab to invent a new cheap fix.

Cūntry File

 

John Craven reports from knocking shops off the beaten path

I'm sorry I haven't a glue.

Teenage drug addicts fight it out in the chemistry lab to invent a new cheap fix.

 

I'm sorry I haven't a Jew

Car Booty Call

 

Blokes pick a random number out of the phone book with the winner being the first to get a sh?g in the back of their estate.

Trifecta Morse:

 

Oxford's most famous cop is caught in a compromising position with his boss' wife. She's sat on his chest with his balls in her mouth, she's wanking him off with her right hand and her left index finger is up his arse: all at once!

Home To Roast - Contestants race against the clock to reach a mystery location, the winner gets to knock the back out of a dolly bird whilst the runner up is getting a nosh.

Dr Jew

 

His Tardis looks big from the outside, but when you get in it's really cramped

River Cottaging - Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall cooks up treats for gay men, who have just been treated in his outside toilet

Dad's Amy

 

Amy Winehouse tries to marshall the Home Guard troops to combat the advancing German Hordes. Classic line:

"vat iz your name"

"don't fūckin' tell him Pike you cūnt. I love you Blake"

Holmes under the Hammer

 

prospective house buyers get to knock f?ck out of fat Munich Eamonn with the hammer of their choice: ball or claw.

The Ron Jeremy Kyle Show

 

Famous Pornstar shags a load of rough looking birds from a council estate to work out which one is the mother of the sixteen kids crying outside the studio.

Bless This Scouse

 

A Catholic Liverpudlian family seek the church's approval for their pan of stew.

The Liver Birds of a feather

 

More witty sitcom nonsense from the girls as they sit around the flat all day smoking fags, eating chips and plot their latest shoplifting excursion......

 

Hang on, isn't that a normal day for the bindippers?

Fake Seven

 

Interactive phone in competition where 8 female guests make orgasmic sounds. Only one of them is real, can you win this weeks mystery prize?

Candid Kamara - The Lionel Richie look-alike plays tricks on the unsuspecting public.

Steptoe and Scum

 

Patrick Steptoe, brains behind the world's first testube baby, interviews various Manchester United players from over the years.

Chucklevision on

 

Paul and barry get into more hilarious scrapes as they wrestle with various arts and crafts and paint a big picture in a carpark. Only they do it in sign language! To you, to me!

This is your life on mars

 

Maverick cop gets run over and awakes to find he's been mysteriously transported back to the 1970's on mars. The twist is that theres only Eamonn Andrews for company.....