Fash in the Attic.

 

Old people desperate for cash to spend on heating look for family heirlooms and find John Fashanu living in their attic.

 

Awooga.

 

Dancing With Stars In Their Eyes

 

Where the couples go binge drinking in various city centres on Friday/Saturday nights, get into a fight, and then get voted in/out by the baying crowds in Ben Sherman shirts/lates from New Look.

 

Ramsays Kitchen Nightmare on Elm Street

 

Find a restaurant on Elm Street (gotta be one somewhere). Gordon has to cook wearing a blindfold while anybody with a spare fiver can wear Freddie Kruger style slashing gloves and set about the stupid cvnt for ten minutes.

 

Wife Swap Shop

 

Hosted by Noel Edmonds. Reality TV meets suburban swinging. Viewers get to auction their own wives and bid on others. Then we all watch the hilarity that ensues.

 

One Man and his Ross Kemp's Ultimate Gangs

 

Blue Peter Kay

 

Ultimate Shed Makeover Challenge on Ice with Sarah Green

 

 

Camberwick Green Room

 

 

Friday Night with Jonathan King

Magnum P.I.M.P

 

Tom Selleck strolls the streets of Hawaii looking for smacked up wenches to sell to punters

Bad lads Dad's Army

 

Fathers of scrotes are given a taste of National Service to teach the bastards a lesson for allowing their kids to run wild. Based in Warmington on Sea.

minder your language

Aurthur sells dodgy text books to foreign students being taught rhyming slang by Dave in the Winchester club, meanwhile Terry sh*gs the French bird and tw*ts the seikh.

The Jewel in the Crown Green Bowls

Jeremy Irons & Anthony Andrews play gruff northerners with afancy for Bitter & Mild as they take on all-comers at the Waterloo Hotel, Blackpool.

CSI Emmerdale

 

Murder in't backwoods!