Something a bit different - in light of Frank Spencer and Windsor.

 

I've had none!

 

Stitches in my ankle, knee, eyebrow and head. And plaster on my ankle. That's it for me. Nowt serious.

none

 

never broke a bone either

 

few stitches and that's your lot

 

been involved in a few death defying moments as well

 

when i say a few, i mean 1

 

unbreakable me

Had surgery on my elbow after I jumped out of a moving taxi. Seemed a good idea at the time but after going out on the razz the night after, it got all infected and the shattered elbow required surgery. I thought a couple of plasters criss-crossed and a makeshift sling would have sufficed (I lost the sling as soon as the bevvy set in).

Broken nose straightened out

 

Very sore for a few week

Plaster cast from my wrist to shoulder

Camera down my japs eye to look in my bladder

And some sort of operation on my scrotum when i was a baby!!

Drip stuck to my arm after accidently trampling on a bees nest when i was a kid, tha bastards stung me over 100 times

Banjo string went once as well

Edited June 22, 200917 yr by Danny G

Broke my tibula, filbula & shattered my ankle bone playing footy in '94. 2 operations.

Tore a few muscles in my shoulder playing footy in '02. 1 operation. Probably the most pain I've ever been in after that op.

Had my appendix removed as it had burst. Also had something called a rhinoplasty were they hacked away part of the bone inside my nose as it was blocking one of my nostrils.

 

Not been anywhere near a hospital for a good 15 years though. Touch wood.

This question always reminds me of the scene from Jaws, were Hooper & Quinn compare scars

 

3 ops on one hand to correct a birth defect, spent something between a year & 18 months in hospital

in total. It involved two skin graphs and around 3000 stitches.

 

2 ops on left knee, knee ligament damage.

 

Appendix removed

 

Nose job, nope not plastic surgery, to prevent nose bleeds after several corterisations failed.

 

Various short hospital trips to have stitches for all kinds of cuts and scrapes

Broken leg, ribs and nose and plenty of black eyes from my football days

 

Appendixs out at 15 and 2 fit as fcuk nursies shoved those tablets up my arse to make me shit (well that's what they said anyway)

 

The snip about 8 years ago

 

stitches/staples in plenty of places, the last lot being when we gave it to Munich on Trinity St station a few years ago and i got hit over the head with an iron bar

 

Apart from that fcuk all

Had my nose straightened after it got broken (in a karate competition of all things.) The op's nothing to bother about, but they stuff anesthetic soaked bandages right up to the top of the inside of your hooter, with a dirty great long pair of tweezers beforehand, which is fucking horrible.

 

Had two growths removed from my forehead, one of which was cancerous. The other was nothing to worry about, but they didn't know that until they'd hacked it off.

my bellend was to big for my foreskin

 

so had it chopped off about 4 year ago

 

the foreskin that is

 

3 days later im still in absolute agony, rang hospital who told me it takes a while to heal, any problems go to my doctor

 

week later i still couldnt move, rang hospital and told them something wasnt right, they told me to go to the doctors

 

anyway, everyone saying i was being a drama queen and deal with it 'like a man'

 

couldnt take it anymore, took me an hour to get in my car, drove to hope hospital, then an hour moving cm by cm got to where i had the op

 

told the receptionist I needed to see surgeon as it wasnt right - woman shouted at me and said she had told me 3 times to go doctors

 

told her shes wrong, i need to see the surgeon, she again says go to the doctor I will not get the surgeon

 

so I dropped my kekks infront of the receptionist in the waiting room to unveil a dark blue baloon to the horror of the other patients waiting

 

her response - "the surgeon will be with you in a second"

 

anyway he comes out, and takes me into a room and tells me this isnt on, im not going to be pain free straight away bla bla bla

 

again, dropped my pants, his response "what the hell has happend"

 

anyway, turns out the surgeon pulled my foreskin back and stitched it to my shaft (rather than cut it and stitch it together) so it had swollen to the size of a hot air baloon

 

within 10 minutes i was asleep and being re done

 

so anyone with a pencil dick, think how lucky you are

I had something done to my arm as a baby as I got it caught in my cot, throat surgery, a wisdom tooth removed oh, & a boob job.

Edited June 22, 200917 yr by no balls

Garrp, thats cheered me up

Edited June 22, 200917 yr by Bigtoe

my bellend was to big for my foreskin

 

so had it chopped off about 4 year ago

 

the foreskin that is

 

3 days later im still in absolute agony, rang hospital who told me it takes a while to heal, any problems go to my doctor

 

week later i still couldnt move, rang hospital and told them something wasnt right, they told me to go to the doctors

 

anyway, everyone saying i was being a drama queen and deal with it 'like a man'

 

couldnt take it anymore, took me an hour to get in my car, drove to hope hospital, then an hour moving cm by cm got to where i had the op

 

told the receptionist I needed to see surgeon as it wasnt right - woman shouted at me and said she had told me 3 times to go doctors

 

told her shes wrong, i need to see the surgeon, she again says go to the doctor I will not get the surgeon

 

so I dropped my kekks infront of the receptionist in the waiting room to unveil a dark blue baloon to the horror of the other patients waiting

 

her response - "the surgeon will be with you in a second"

 

anyway he comes out, and takes me into a room and tells me this isnt on, im not going to be pain free straight away bla bla bla

 

again, dropped my pants, his response "what the hell has happend"

 

anyway, turns out the surgeon pulled my foreskin back and stitched it to my shaft (rather than cut it and stitch it together) so it had swollen to the size of a hot air baloon

 

within 10 minutes i was asleep and being re done

 

so anyone with a pencil dick, think how lucky you are

 

 

 

WTF ????

 

That cant be true ??

 

What are the odds ???

Broken leg

Tonsils out

Lost count of the number of stitches I've had - chin, thumb, leg, eye, top lip

Many burst lips and black eyes

 

(I was a bit of a tomboy when I was younger!)

Never had stitches. Few gashes here & there, but got a phobia about stitches so just used tape or glue and they healed (eventually)

 

Never had an operation.

 

Broke my arm when I was a kid, and that's it. But somehow landed on my mountain bike, and was 6 inches away from being impaled on the handlebars, nice!

 

More lives than a cat too, was inches away from falling 30/40 foot onto the concrete floor at Atlas Mills (now Morrisons on COR) as a kid, went head first into a brick wall aged 8 after coming off my bmx down Halliwell and just ended up with a comedy bump. Hit by a car, knocked me flying through the air but somehow I only got a graze. Almost been electocuted numerous times too. And somehow avoided a severe kicking from our asian cousins too many times that I can remember.

WTF ????

 

That cant be true ??

 

What are the odds ???

 

100% Fact

 

no word of a lie

WTF ????

 

That cant be true ??

 

What are the odds ???

 

Lucky he's never used his cock, eh!

Lucky he's never used his cock, eh!

 

as - Pencil Dick - NAP

Lucky he's never used his cock, eh!

 

If that's the case it's no wonder he thinks Elmander has a good scoring rate.

as - Pencil Dick - NAP

 

 

One to me!

 

Big talk on the internet again, Garpo. You'd think you fucking knew me, son.

 

One to me!

 

Big talk on the internet again, Garpo. You'd think you fucking knew me, son.

 

 

Il stop the internet banter then, wouldnt want you taking it all seriously and beating me up.

 

Il stop the internet banter then, wouldnt want you taking it all seriously and beating me up.

 

 

And for anyone who's snapped the budgie-string, ouch!!!

 

And for anyone who's snapped the budgie-string, ouch!!!

 

The actual pain when the banjo string went wasnt that bad, just plenty of blood, ill never forget the pain when I got into the bath afterwards though (ive just crossed my legs thinking about it)

Broke bone in my hand on someone's tooth

Stitches when brick hit my head

Adenoids removed

I've had the Anterior Cruciate Ligaments reconstructed in both legs (hamstring tendons used) as well as 2 other more minor knee ops for meniscus / cartilage removal.

 

Also had my tonsils out.

 

And a load of glass pulled out of my head after a picture frame errm went over it...some of the glass is still embedded into my head. Explains alot I guess.

 

Had my nose broken by a twat who hit me with a baseball bat too but no operation was required.

 

Broke ribs too but nowt can be done for that

 

And had a wire coil removed after it wrapped itself around the bone in my thumb...I was reading in bed and fiddling with it as I'm a dumb fuck.

 

Best one is Gumbo - he had to be put under general anaesthetic to have an ingrown toe-nail removed when he was about 16 And when he came around the nursing staff were playing with his bumfluff beard and laughing at him