There’s a group of Chelsea fans on the train I’m heading back from london on just now.

Theyre brilliant. Witty, amusing, regaling the carriage at top note with whimsical tales of their adventures in northern towns. As each can of beer is finished, they go a few decibels louder and - much to the amusement of the rest of the train - Are now seeing who can stay upright when running down the aisle.

One of them keeps saying “your mum’s a slag” every few minutes and that will never get boring.

lads lads lads

He’s now changed from calling everyone’s mum a slaaag, to chanting “Burnley get battered…” at ear splitting volume.

Two of the group are frantically trying to work out their train connection details by repeatedly asking each other the same fucking question, rather than simply consulting Google.

One of them just had a piss with the toilet door open.

Theyre my heroes. I bet they can chuck patio furniture for fuckin miles

There will be a few threads up and down the country about Wanderers fans on the trains

One of them is called “Peanut”.

Presumably this is his IQ. He’s opened a “travel casino” and casino chips are now scattered under about a dozen seats.

This has caused much hilarity amongst the other soccer heroes, apart from one lad lad lad who is busy trying to organise a game of Texas hold ‘em and is fast losing patience.

The smell of freshly delivered farts is wafting around the carriage with comforting regularity.

Against all the odds, Peanut has won the first game of poker with 2 aces and 2 eights.

One of the lads is called “Wheelbarrah” and has a voice like a music hall stand up. He’s so cockney it must hurt his jaw.

Theyre changing at Preston 

Have they pushed anybody off the train yet ?

 

“Peanut” is on fire with 3 victories in a row.

Wheelbarrah is complaining deafeningly about the dealer who has kindly offered to rearrange his face if he carries on.

a Simon and Garfunkel-esque harmony of belches greeted the completion of all the beer (Stella).

 

An argument now about connections.

some say Preston, some say Wigan. I know for a fact this train doesn’t stop at Preston so am tempted to tell them Preston and hope they have to get off at Carlisle.

Peanut’s winning run comes to an end and he has got up to go and find beer at the catering carriage. Wheelbarrah still hasn’t won, I think the menacing bloke with the Union Jack tattoo on his left hand won. He looks ready to murder anyone with a northern accent.

 

Genuine panic as we approach Wigan.

the two factions have become entrenched and this could see half the superhero football brilliant bastards separated and heading to the Lake District.

Wheelbarrah (Wigan faction) is jubilantly belching out a version of “Wigan get battered. ..” whilst Peanut shotguns a can of Budweiser and casino chips are once again all over the floor.

Fuck me, first they invade Ukraine now Wigan. 

 

Do Chelsea not have a grass hotline you can dial?

Pre brexit you could have travelled first class like the rest of us. 

where the fuck they staying Tonight  Burnley 

3 minutes ago, little whitt said:

where the fuck they staying Tonight  Burnley 

They could buy a house for the cost of 11 open returns

4 minutes ago, little whitt said:

where the fuck they staying Tonight  Burnley 

Spiders gaff. He's gonna make them a big bowl of lobby and mushy peas. 

Edited March 4, 20224 yr by bolton_blondie

3 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

Spiders gaff. He's gonna make them a big bowl of lobby and mushy peas. 

with carrots and sweetcorn

Had thr pleasure of a carriage full of Leeds fans once on the way to the Reebok.

Probably the most uncomfortable, cringeworthy half an hour of my life.

Songs about the Yorkshire Ripper, Jimmy Saville and Lucas Radabes massive black cock were particular highlights. 

They even pulled all the light fittings down.

Horrendous.

2 minutes ago, Gonk said:

with carrots and sweetcorn

And a box of red wine

@Cheeseremember those girls from Glasgow on their way to Blackpool that time? 🙈🙈

Just now, gonzo said:

@Cheeseremember those girls from Glasgow on their way to Blackpool that time? 🙈🙈

Did they have matching t-shirts, shit tattoos and their guts hanging out drinking lambrini out of cups with willy straws? If not, I'm gonna be disappointed. 

21 minutes ago, Escobarp said:

Pre brexit you could have travelled first class like the rest of us. 

Those days are long gone. First class was just full of Tory MP’s and Russians.

6 minutes ago, gonzo said:

@Cheeseremember those girls from Glasgow on their way to Blackpool that time? 🙈🙈

No? 🤨

My mate and his newly wed wife Piccadilly to London to fly on to their honeymoon 

City playing Spurs in the evening game 

Two hours of 

Oh David silva you are the love of my life, 
oh David silva I'd let you shag my wife,
Oh David silva, 
I'd even let you shag meeeeeeeeeee

Sunshinnnnnnnneeeeeeee 

Wonderful

Chelsea Fans are absolute cunts

Utter scum 

1 hour ago, Escobarp said:

Pre brexit you could have travelled first class like the rest of us. 

🤣

53 minutes ago, Spider said:

Those days are long gone. First class was just full of Tory MP’s and Russians.

Russians have their own drivers and limousines. No way an oligarch is boarding a train, and certainly not up to the North.