Bea Smith

Baby jesus has been in a secret windmilling training camp. All the bark underpant wearers are actaully secret ninjas. The footage will be shown in 'Im the Son of God get me out of here'

Its lashing down in Westhoughton, and theres a mini hurricane in Horwich. Anyone who is skinny needs to secure themselves to the ground at the match. Id say, bricks in pockets should do it.

It must some special sort of Little black dress sanitary protection. Whatever next, matching your outfit front bum surfboards with wings?.

Actually ignore me, if she is having some on her mouth you cant put some on her nose too. Thats an accident waiting to happen.

The world was gonna end, keeping ww up and running is hardly a priority in the face of Armageddon!

in that case please allow her to put some gaffer tape on her nose.

My dentist is a very pleasant. He also doesnt have stinky breath which is unusual for a dentist. I once saw a very cheesy low budget horror in which the dentist went mad and extracted all his love rivals teeth without aneasthetic. To be thats an effective way to put a bird of someone, he didnt look very attractive afterwards.

Can i just say at this point that the staff at your place are complete nincompoops! Freecycle is largely un-moderated which leads to the type of post originally starting this thread. If youre not too arsed about getting money for old rope and cant be bothered selling/waiting, then its a fab site to offload unwanted items. I get an emailed update every day and some of them make me laugh. On the Wanted section the other day was a Big Black Cock.

Its Gods way of telling me im vain for having been for a manicure. I would like to go and boot the back gate in as its that bugger thats given me the splinter. Im going with the cut the nail right down/soak in warm water/dig around option. Then i shall paint all my nails purple to match the spazzy one. P.S- Thankyou for the current H&S Laws on removing someones splinter. Im just wondering if i can sue myself when it all goes horribly wrong?

NB, its gone right under the nail, there is nothing to grab to either tweeze out or flick out. Is amputation the only way?

How the chuffin stuff do i get a splinter from under my nail? Im far from a soft bird but jeez its making my eyes water!! Its gotta be on a par with ManFlu.

Kid bro power naps and feels great afterwards. If i try it im groggy as hell and very unreasonable in mood afterwards. Its best i avoid it.

Ised feecycle to get rid of quite a few things last time i moved. I was deeply disturbed by an ad which read 'wanted, tarpaulin, 8ft by 12ft, atherton' i have an issue with tarpaulins as theyre always used on csi to wrap bodies.

I do get excited about trainers. I say phwoorrrghh and oooooof when i see a good set. i get a bit giddy looking at certain websites. Is this a problem?

Theres nowt as queer as folk. Or big E. Few years back heard about a bloke who used to get aroused by street signs. He'd be whacking one off on them. Cant they just do a labotomy on these people? Or at least electrocute them?

Now weve all got those numbers like Bob plumber, Chris sparkey, and then then places where theyre from like Donna Ritzy. Ive just been going through my numbers and deleting some old ones. Who the f*ck is Jean Butty????

Its under the 'burning insurance people and making your snack at the same time' section. does that help?

Its the charge the bank have made to me for bouncing a payment the insurance company applied for without my knowledge that is fucking me off though danny. They even admitted they havnt sent a renewal qoute/form yet they have applied for the money.

Yes, if you work there dont be in the office beteen 4.30 and 5.30 on friday. im gonna be toasting marshmellows indoors.

i saw a 'shoein' ?

How on earth did you deduce that? Columbo!

and the fact that she may just seduce your brother in revenge has to be considered.

And would they then settle my 'bounced' charged from the Bank? or would that require petrol? Thanks Ani.

No no NB, they even told me they hadnt sent the letter! theyre even spaccier than me! Ive got a jar of Nutella.

Dinner and Tea. But if im dining out with friends its Lunch instead of Dinner. 'Ladies That Dinner' just doesnt have the correct ring to it! I also say 'Dine out' rather a lot. As in 'shall we dine out tonight' as opposed to tea. So, being a typical woman, i say whatever i want when i want depending on my mood, and whether the meal is in or out. And because i can.