I'll start you off with painting walls in your house.

I needed to paint some walls in advance of getting the house on the market and with trade being so quiet of late, cashflow not being great and not knowing any decorators who'd do it as a favour or for a discount off a holiday, I thought I'd have a go myself.

Jesus H Fucking Christ, it looks like Harvey Price has done it.

Never again.

Bath sealant... got some to do today, always looks like a dogs dinner when I do it

Morning after, and it doesn't look anywhere near as shit as I thought it did last night. Bit of sanding and some paint and it'll be reet. Thankfully she wants the room "colour-drenched", so I don't have to do any cutting in. 🥳

Edited May 4May 4 by Cheese

49 minutes ago, Dimron said:

Bath sealant... got some to do today, always looks like a dogs dinner when I do it

Cut the nozzle of your gun at 45 degrees. Get a cup of soapy water and after you've run the sealant down the edge, dip your finger in the water and run your fingertip down to smooth it out. You can just use spit instead of soapy water. Learned that when I was in my early teens, working for my Uncle as a window fitter during school holidays.

9 minutes ago, Cheese said:

Cut the nozzle of your gun at 45 degrees. Get a cup of soapy water and after you've run the sealant down the edge, dip your finger in the water and run your fingertip down to smooth it out. You can just use spit instead of soapy water. Learned that when I was in my early teens, working for my Uncle as a window fitter during school holidays.

Trouble is I have a mate who used to work for a tiling contractor and the missus always wants it just like Kev does it. Getting Kev around is like getting an appointment with the Pope as he doesn't actually like doing it so I need to ambush him.

I have my gun, plastic silicon profile blocks, spray of soapy water, paper towel and I take a small chamfer off my nozzle after cutting it an an angle but it is never as good as Kev's.

3 minutes ago, Dimron said:

Trouble is I have a mate who used to work for a tiling contractor and the missus always wants it just like Kev does it. Getting Kev around is like getting an appointment with the Pope as he doesn't actually like doing it so I need to ambush him.

I have my gun, plastic silicon profile blocks, spray of soapy water, paper towel and I take a small chamfer off my nozzle after cutting it an an angle but it is never as good as Kev's.

Never used those silicon smoothers, but I've watched people using them on youtube and they seem to do the job. Good luck!

1 hour ago, Sweep said:

3rd rule.... Never, ever share a hotel room with another human being, unless it's your wife. 

Correct, and even the wife bit is negotiable.

3 hours ago, Cheese said:

Never used those silicon smoothers, but I've watched people using them on youtube and they seem to do the job. Good luck!

I collect tools... "all the gear and no idea" 😁

Two hours later...

It'd taken Kev 20 minutes and he'd have used the back of a teaspoon.

Her Who Must Be Obeyed is happy so it's a result 😀 Better that the previous mildew 

 

22 minutes ago, Dimron said:

I collect tools... "all the gear and no idea" 😁

Two hours later...

It'd taken Kev 20 minutes and he'd have used the back of a teaspoon.

Her Who Must Be Obeyed is happy so it's a result 😀 Better that the previous mildew 

I'm the same with tools. Keep thinking I've got everything I'll ever need, then find something else to throw in the toolbox and forget about. Surely you're going to seal between the bath and the panel?

(I've been told you should always fill the bath before you seal it because everything shifts when it's full of water and humans, but I've completely ignored that advice and never had any issues)

Edited May 4May 4 by Cheese

46 minutes ago, Cheese said:

I'm the same with tools. Keep thinking I've got everything I'll ever need, then find something else to throw in the toolbox and forget about. Surely you're going to seal between the bath and the panel?

(I've been told you should always fill the bath before you seal it because everything shifts when it's full of water and humans, but I've completely ignored that advice and never had any issues)

You should see the state of my kitchen… but that’s cos my FIL is pottering cunt, who when asked if he had a screw, poisoned my dog and ruined my worktop. I now need a new floor minimum, new kitchen preferable 

3 minutes ago, Dr Faustus said:

You should see the state of my kitchen… but that’s cos my FIL is pottering cunt, who when asked if he had a screw, poisoned my dog and ruined my worktop. I now need a new floor minimum, new kitchen preferable 

Eh?

1 hour ago, Cheese said:

I'm the same with tools. Keep thinking I've got everything I'll ever need, then find something else to throw in the toolbox and forget about. Surely you're going to seal between the bath and the panel?

(I've been told you should always fill the bath before you seal it because everything shifts when it's full of water and humans, but I've completely ignored that advice and never had any issues)

Built the bathroom 12 years ago, the panel now has a hairline crack on the top edge but I need to remove it ocassionally to unblock the trap. I'm not touching anything anymore because I've dodged a bulllet from the missus... estate agent takes over this week.

My FIL was a builder and would have bollocked me for not filling the bath but I have used a decent Dow Corning mastic

6 hours ago, Cheese said:

Never used those silicon smoothers, but I've watched people using them on youtube and they seem to do the job. Good luck!

I watch this guy a lot for particular reason

 

 

3 hours ago, Dimron said:

I collect tools... "all the gear and no idea" 😁

Two hours later...

It'd taken Kev 20 minutes and he'd have used the back of a teaspoon.

Her Who Must Be Obeyed is happy so it's a result 😀 Better that the previous mildew 

 

that's impressive

I used my finger last time, then a Stanley blade to scrape any excess mess 

Fixing the washing machine.

If you want your kitchen flooding, I'm your man 

13 minutes ago, Dimron said:

Fixing the washing machine.

If you want your kitchen flooding, I'm your man 

Used to be easy. Replacing the carbon brushes always worked. Not these days. Too much technology. 
About a year ago, I said to my wife “there’s music coming out of the garage” 

“It’s the washing machine, it’s finished it’s wash” she said. 

We’d had it six years. 

Edited May 17May 17 by BobyBrno

3 minutes ago, BobyBrno said:

Used to be easy. Replacing the carbon brushes always worked. Not these days. Too much technology. 
About a year ago, I said to my wife “there’s music coming out of the garage” 

“It’s the washing machine, it’s finished it’s wash” she said. 

We’d had it six years. 

Decided the pump-drainage was choking, no luck.

Come to the conclusion the bugger has dementia... as you say, too many electronics, its busy chugging away doing its own thing at the moment... job for AO dot comm I suppose

19 minutes ago, Dimron said:

Decided the pump-drainage was choking, no luck.

Come to the conclusion the bugger has dementia... as you say, too many electronics, its busy chugging away doing its own thing at the moment... job for AO dot comm I suppose

Fk me... I've fixed the bastard!

It wouldn't go to spin and now its doing 1200 rpm like a goodun... thats a result, saved a good few hundred quid

3 hours ago, Dimron said:

Fk me... I've fixed the bastard!

It wouldn't go to spin and now its doing 1200 rpm like a goodun... thats a result, saved a good few hundred quid

In a similar fashion I fixed my sureflo pump in my van the other week.

I found a random video from 3 years ago on YouTube saying the problem could be this sensor thing that can be swapped from an old pump.

Saved me a fortune.

 

 

 

 

Edited May 17May 17 by gonzo

On 04/05/2026 at 18:51, Cheese said:

Eh?

Forgot about this… so the food waste thingy didn’t open to allow fluids out. It needed a new screw- nothing major, but I didn’t have one. We did however have a brand new sink we got Uber cheap which we put away thinking when we get the kitchen done (in the future) we’ll save a few quid and we’ve got something to work around. FIL is a Jack of all trades, proper DIY enthusiast. I can’t stand the cunt anyway, but he’s handy… he got laid off and was bored… so I asked him a small favour.

Simple; can you source this tiny screw, and allow fluid to pass through the waste disposal.

Erm… no

He decided to replace my whole fucking sink. In a worktop that was 25 years old. It wasn’t the exact size, so he took the fucking door off the unit and cut the worktop down. The dog has seen the delights (Inc rat poison) and snaffled the lot. £500 later I’m in the vets and dogs had his stomach pumped. FIL not even apologised, but now said worktop isn’t big enough to support weight of new sink and he hasn’t sealed it- water leaks like fuck, we get someone in to price it up then COVID hit.

That cunt now lives in France, and we’ve just worked around it. I’ve got 26k left in the mortgage… just get everything done in one go now and fuck off.

This is same FIL who convinced the wife to have a car recovered to an ‘English’ garage when she broke down in Burnley. Had the car two weeks… cost us more in fucking storage fees than vet fees.

I despise the smarmy cunt and most of their family. And they are Bratfut reds

13 hours ago, Dimron said:

Fixing the washing machine.

If you want your kitchen flooding, I'm your man 

Gone To The Dogs 

This Place 

Blokes Touching 

Washing Machines 

2 hours ago, little whitt said:

Gone To The Dogs 

This Place 

Blokes Touching 

Washing Machines 

Definitely won't happen again, it was an effin nightmare, my knees are still damp.

In my defence, last time I did anything to it I left my "calling card" on top... a newspaper dated 2020, I do this sort of thing when I dry line walls and similar

13 hours ago, little whitt said:

Gone To The Dogs 

This Place 

Blokes Touching 

Washing Machines 

feels like a haiku 

Don't let anyone know you've got tools, because as sure as eggs is eggs as soon as they find out you've got a drill they'll want you to drill something,  knock something or screw something in.

Guaranteed.

6 hours ago, FrancisFogarty said:

Don't let anyone know you've got tools, because as sure as eggs is eggs as soon as they find out you've got a drill they'll want you to drill something,  knock something or screw something in.

Guaranteed.

Shirley every bloke homeowner has at least basic toolkit?