I know most of the not quite rights on here have all had poo poo accidents whilst 12 pints in, but the other night - and I was sober as a judge and felt perfectly fine health wise - as I was just about to jump in the shower, I pumped, fully expecting nothing out of the ordinary.

 

Instead, I small quantity of liqiud poo fell down the inside of my thigh.

 

I was aghast. Fortunately, I was heading into the shower anyway but it could so easliy have happened as part of my pre-bonk warm up and the missus could have ended up in all sorts of trouble.

 

Am I dying, or does this actually happen to normals?

well, not a street...

 

about 18 months ago I went playing golf at Haigh Hall in Wigan. Id had the stomache ache all morning and it was still playing me up when we started about 5pm. By the 7th or 8th hole, I was literally on my knees, holding my stomache trying to stop the aching. There are no toilets at the golf at this time on a sunday, so normally I would of ran into the bushes and used a couple of leafs or my golf towel, but obviously when you have stomache ache this bad you know its not going to be a nice easy, enjoyable solid one.

 

Anyway, come the 9th I couldn't take it anymore, told my mates I was off going to find a pub with a bog and then id come back to pick them up. It was about a 10 minute walk back to the car and im literally at breaking point walking off the course along the public footpath. I started to get a bit of a jog on (with my golf bag strapped to my back), when suddenly I could feel it coming and I realised there was no choice of me holding it in. I quickly dropped my bag and right in the middle of the public footpath, with benches either side with couples enjoying the view, dropped my pants and literally sh?t all over myself. It was all down the inside of my leg and all over my shoes, in full view of 5 or 6 people. The worst thing was, I was crouched there letting it all out for a good 5 minute whilst evryone looked on in disgust.

 

The highlight of a tip top confession.

Fcuking hell Garrp, I bet you looked like Gollum. Could you not have shit in a bunker?

Garrp!! Although that was obviously not funny at the time, that hasn't half made my morning!

Dissapointing, as I was expecting you to say you'd dropped it in the 18th

Garrp, did you apologise or just walk off as if it was perfectly normal?

Garrp, did you apologise or just walk off as if it was perfectly normal?

 

Well I didn't 'walk' off, I kind of staggerd with it all squelching everywhere.

I got caught short in a Prague suburb when i was still 5 minutes away from our hotel. Feeling the surge I had to dash into the front yard of some house and drop the kecks and squat. Fortunately the moment passed without incident and I made it back to the Hotel in time to evacuate. Imagine being in that house though and just looking through your front window and seeing behaviour like mine.

 

I've sharted a couple of times but fortunately in places where it was easy enough to clean up and discard the soiled boxers without much fuss.

The consoling thought about this thread is that 'it isn't just me who its happened to'.

 

Has anyone ever played Russian Stoolette... or is it just me?

 

Whereby you have one on the simmer but you clench it back in till your body can take no more, your eyes start watering and you have to slowly toddle off to the bog and send it on its way, as one stride too many will force its exit.

 

At the end of the mission I wave it off with a naval salute.

At the end of the mission I wave it off with a naval salute.

That term reminds me of one of the worst things that can happen...............

 

Nothing worse than getting "Neptunes Kiss" which is when you drop the log, and it's such a sturdy and stout fellow, that it plops in the water, and sends a splash of bog water back up your arse..........most unpleasant!

That term reminds me of one of the worst things that can happen...............

 

Nothing worse than getting "Neptunes Kiss" which is when you drop the log, and it's such a sturdy and stout fellow, that it plops in the water, and sends a splash of bog water back up your arse..........most unpleasant!

 

 

Saves you using the bidet!

Has anyone ever played Russian Stoolette... or is it just me?

 

Whereby you have one on the simmer but you clench it back in till your body can take no more, your eyes start watering and you have to slowly toddle off to the bog and send it on its way, as one stride too many will force its exit.

 

At the end of the mission I wave it off with a naval salute.

 

with clenched buttocks so i doesn't pop out

come on zico, we're waiting

couple of years ago , on way home after an all dayer in town, i was walking down bradshawgate to get a taxi when i felt the need to go , so i nipped down the shifnall street area - i thought i dont know this area well but there must be a back street somewhere!! anyhow i found a dark corner eventually !! and crouched down to get rid - anyhow i,m in mid flow when a figure appears from round the corner and the words ' want any business love' . i,m like fook sake you filthy disgustin cow..............at least give me a minute !!

 

ah well , put it down to experience .

with clenched buttocks so i doesn't pop out

 

That does not seal the cutter though and can lead to it squeezing through any possible route or crevice; the most likely route would be the void towards your bollocks.

 

I'd sooner soil my kecks than have shitty bollocks.

When I was 18, I had some bird come up to stay with me from the weekend from Reading whilst my folks were away. She was a couple of years older than me, fit and proper dirty (when we'd met she'd given me a blow job in a railway station and in these days prior to mobile phone picture messages she used to send me filthy photo's in the post) so i couldn't wait to give her what for.

 

So she arrives on the Friday night and we decided after a chip supper we'd head down to the local pub about 20 mins walk away, have a few beers and come back for some fun.

 

So we set off walking, I had some spanking CK boxers on, which I was proud as punch of. Now it was probably a mixture of the excitement and dodgy curry sace from the chippy, but about 5 minutes into the walk I let off a little mid-stride fart, only to feel my arse become extremely wet and uncomfortable.

 

Much to her annoyance, I spent the next 15-20 mins walking really slow and not allowing her to come too close for fear of being caught out.

 

When we got to said pub, my lovely new Calvins were strung out of the toilet window and I cleaned up as best as I could.

 

On the brightside, she thought I was some kind of horny stud when she started groping at me and realised I had no underwear on, but did find it strange that I wanted a pre-sex shower when we got back to my place.

 

Oh and I took some of my lot on a works trip to Stockholm a couple of years ago and one of my lads decided to plop in a street in the middle of the City Centre. Not quite sure why.

What do the resident wimmin think if they knew the bloke they were out with had sharted?

 

Would you see the funny side?

 

Scat weirdos need not apply.

What do the resident wimmin think if they knew the bloke they were out with had sharted?

 

Would you see the funny side?

 

Scat weirdos need not apply.

 

 

No I wouldn't see the funny side one little bit.

Disgusted of Chorley.

Has anyone ever accidentally wiped their bot bot with the tail of their shirt thinking it was out of the way and had to go home early from work?

 

A friend of mine did once. Weren't me 'onest.

Has anyone ever accidentally wiped their bot bot with the tail of their shirt thinking it was out of the way and had to go home early from work?

 

A friend of mine did once. Weren't me 'onest.

never done that, but I bloke I used to work with was once caught short whilst driving over snake pass. He pulled over, whipped his kecks down and took a much needed dump. He was not amused to find that, when he looked down, he had actually sh?t into his trousers. He fortunately was staying away on business for a few days, so he had a pair of jeans to put on, this then allowed him to visit a shop and buy a new pair of trousers.

No I wouldn't see the funny side one little bit.

Disgusted of Chorley.

 

 

What about pissy knickers though, you know, when you cough or laugh and let a bit out becuase you lot have a bladder the size of a squash ball?

 

Dont hear us whining about it do you?

When I was 18, I had some bird come up to stay with me from the weekend from Reading whilst my folks were away. She was a couple of years older than me, fit and proper dirty (when we'd met she'd given me a blow job in a railway station and in these days prior to mobile phone picture messages she used to send me filthy photo's in the post) so i couldn't wait to give her what for.

 

So she arrives on the Friday night and we decided after a chip supper we'd head down to the local pub about 20 mins walk away, have a few beers and come back for some fun.

 

So we set off walking, I had some spanking CK boxers on, which I was proud as punch of. Now it was probably a mixture of the excitement and dodgy curry sace from the chippy, but about 5 minutes into the walk I let off a little mid-stride fart, only to feel my arse become extremely wet and uncomfortable.

 

Much to her annoyance, I spent the next 15-20 mins walking really slow and not allowing her to come too close for fear of being caught out.

 

When we got to said pub, my lovely new Calvins were strung out of the toilet window and I cleaned up as best as I could.

 

On the brightside, she thought I was some kind of horny stud when she started groping at me and realised I had no underwear on, but did find it strange that I wanted a pre-sex shower when we got back to my place.

 

Oh and I took some of my lot on a works trip to Stockholm a couple of years ago and one of my lads decided to plop in a street in the middle of the City Centre. Not quite sure why.

 

 

This is up there Jules of your stories!!! Doesn't come near the blood one we were talking about on Firthy's dirty thread - quality!

Dont hear us whining about it do you?

 

amen, unless they actually smell of pis$ as a result. but we still end up suckling on it regardless!

whats good for the goose is good for the gander i say

What about pissy knickers though, you know, when you cough or laugh and let a bit out becuase you lot have a bladder the size of a squash ball?

 

Dont hear us whining about it do you?

 

 

I might be getting on a bit but I thankfully don't suffer. Though, I would've thought a bit of a dribble doesn't smell on quite the scale of a a shart!

And to answer TKB, any lady worth her salt has moist (I love that word) toilet tissue in her bathroom to ensure a sweet smelling front bum with no clingy loo roll bits so you gents won't winge!

I would've thought a bit of a dribble doesn't smell on quite the scale of a a shart!

 

Thats like saying I would rather have herpes than clap.