I know most of the not quite rights on here have all had poo poo accidents whilst 12 pints in, but the other night - and I was sober as a judge and felt perfectly fine health wise - as I was just about to jump in the shower, I pumped, fully expecting nothing out of the ordinary.

 

Instead, I small quantity of liqiud poo fell down the inside of my thigh.

 

I was aghast. Fortunately, I was heading into the shower anyway but it could so easliy have happened as part of my pre-bonk warm up and the missus could have ended up in all sorts of trouble.

 

Am I dying, or does this actually happen to normals?

I'm going to wait a while and see what everyone else posts before joining in this one

Too much bum fun!! Thats the problem :p

You normally fart during your pre-bonk warm up?

 

Do you light them too?

 

who said romance is dead?

I pumped, fully expecting nothing out of the ordinary.

 

Instead, I small quantity of liqiud poo fell down the inside of my thigh.

 

happened to me once whilst entering a boozer in town with the missus, fookin scared the living daylights. i couldnt say anything to her for embarassment and so had to go to the bar first to get us both a drink. stood there at the bar with chaffin

cheeks!

 

made my way, delicatley and moistly to the bogs where(to quote smiffs earlier) had a 7 or 8 wiper!

I believe the tecnical term is 'Sharted'

 

Did that on Boxing Day night years ago....was getting changed, about to leave the house and felt a huge fart bubbling....it annoyingly bubbled all over my new boxers which I threw in the bin afterwards.

I believe the tecnical term is 'Sharted'

 

 

very true, also "shizzed" a few times aswell

I followed through once at a football match when Queen of the South scored.

 

I jumped up and felt a nasty wet, warm feeling running down the back of my legs

 

to make it worse... it was an away preseason friendly so I had to throw away my boxers (put them in a cistern at Penrith social club bogs .... sorry if you were the poor f?cker who had to remove them) and travel home by train. It wasn't pleasant.

 

.

 

I wasn't sober though so I suppose it doesn't count here.

put them in a cistern

Once, on the way into Manchester on a Friday night, I sharted myself getting off the train. Anyway, I had to stash said soiled grundies in the cistern of the bogs in burger king! - (I suppose that must be why they always box the cisterns in these days). I went commando for the rest of the evening, very liberating it was to!

happened to me once whilst entering a boozer in town with the missus, fookin scared the living daylights. i couldnt say anything to her for embarassment and so had to go to the bar first to get us both a drink. stood there at the bar with chaffin

cheeks!

 

made my way, delicatley and moistly to the bogs where(to quote smiffs earlier) had a 7 or 8 wiper!

Did she not notice you smelt of shit?

very true, also "shizzed" a few times aswell

 

Is that when you fart and your boyfriends man-fat dribbles out?

Is that when you fart and your boyfriends man-fat dribbles out?

that's "bum-dribble" apparently

bum-dribble

I followed through once at a football match when Queen of the South scored.

 

Made me laugh like fook that did.

I did it once when Youri scored at Reebok. Everyone was cheering, while I was running t' bog like Tina Turner on hot coals. I then stuck my soiled undercrackers to the wall and went back to celebrate.

In Heaton cricket club one saturday afternoon, a mate of mine dropped his trollies and pretended to talk through his arse cheeks (Jim Carey style) at the same time he farted and shat all over my leg, the table with all the drinks went over and for some weird reason i started limping to the bogs, we're still friends and i believe it brought us closer together

Reading this thread I'm starting to wonder if you've all been friends with Jimmy Somerville and Michael Barrymore too long or you've just all got rubbish bum muscles compared to wimmin.

Office xmas do from my days at the B.E.N, i had Shark at a Italian near Sundowners/AFG solicitors. Got a bubbler and decided to let rip in Yates Wine Lodge only to 'Foxtrot Tango' down my legs. Cleaned myself up in the disabled bog but the cistern was covered, so i tucked my muddy gruds behind the radiator. I was sober too

I know most of the not quite rights on here have all had poo poo accidents whilst 12 pints in, but the other night - and I was sober as a judge and felt perfectly fine health wise - as I was just about to jump in the shower, I pumped, fully expecting nothing out of the ordinary.

 

Instead, I small quantity of liqiud poo fell down the inside of my thigh.

 

I was aghast. Fortunately, I was heading into the shower anyway but it could so easliy have happened as part of my pre-bonk warm up and the missus could have ended up in all sorts of trouble.

 

Am I dying, or does this actually happen to normals?

Your problem may be gastro-intestinal, but it's more likely to be neurological. Basically, you've lost the ability to differentiate between an impending fart and a poo.

 

Retraining may be possible, but for now, it will be a good idea to eat less starchy food. This won't cure you, but it will make you less windy, so to speak, and will minimise the chances of you filling your trolleys with man-sewage.

 

Failing that, you could invest in a large cork.

Edited February 25, 200917 yr by THunter

You've missed a good opportunity to give your missus a Pasadena Mudslide.

My anal integrity is not the issue.

 

A suppository at the age of 5 due to a major muesli blockage notwithstanding, my soilpipe remains purely for pooing.

 

I just think my gas/solid sensor failed temporarily. It felt like a moderate pump but wasn't. Ever since, things have been normal - right now, for example, I can categorically state that if I attempted to pump I would put half a pound of dirt in my knickers.

 

So I've got to go.

Reading this thread I'm starting to wonder if you've all been friends with Jimmy Somerville and Michael Barrymore too long or you've just all got rubbish bum muscles compared to wimmin.

 

not me would never do such a thing,at least it wasn't in my undies though

I can see this descending into another "have you ever shat in the street" thread

I can see this descending into another "have you ever shat in the street" thread

 

well, not a street...

 

about 18 months ago I went playing golf at Haigh Hall in Wigan. Id had the stomache ache all morning and it was still playing me up when we started about 5pm. By the 7th or 8th hole, I was literally on my knees, holding my stomache trying to stop the aching. There are no toilets at the golf at this time on a sunday, so normally I would of ran into the bushes and used a couple of leafs or my golf towel, but obviously when you have stomache ache this bad you know its not going to be a nice easy, enjoyable solid one.

 

Anyway, come the 9th I couldn't take it anymore, told my mates I was off going to find a pub with a bog and then id come back to pick them up. It was about a 10 minute walk back to the car and im literally at breaking point walking off the course along the public footpath. I started to get a bit of a jog on (with my golf bag strapped to my back), when suddenly I could feel it coming and I realised there was no choice of me holding it in. I quickly dropped my bag and right in the middle of the public footpath, with benches either side with couples enjoying the view, dropped my pants and literally sh?t all over myself. It was all down the inside of my leg and all over my shoes, in full view of 5 or 6 people. The worst thing was, I was crouched there letting it all out for a good 5 minute whilst evryone looked on in disgust.

Quite possibly the funniest thing I've read on here since it started.

Quite possibly the funniest thing I've read on here since it started.

 

 

I second that! tears in my eyes and everything!