I'm sat in Cornwall at the minute, burned to a crisp, weather's been fine, and I've had my chippy tits in the sea today swimming about 50 yard away from a seal.

Putting the single track roads to one side I'm not sure why I'd ever go abroad while I've some of the kids in tow.

31 minutes ago, ErnestTurnip said:

I'm sat in Cornwall at the minute, burned to a crisp, weather's been fine, and I've had my chippy tits in the sea today swimming about 50 yard away from a seal.

Putting the single track roads to one side I'm not sure why I'd ever go abroad while I've some of the kids in tow.

Totted up cost of eating out yet?

There's no chance of eating out or going on days out, you'd have to book weeks in advance so haven't even minded paying a fiver for a pint of Korev for the eldest.

1 hour ago, ErnestTurnip said:

There's no chance of eating out or going on days out, you'd have to book weeks in advance so haven't even minded paying a fiver for a pint of Korev for the eldest.

Whereabouts are you? Might know somewhere off main tourist spots .

If we're back down next year I'll take you up on that 👍

Whenever I've been in Cornwall, their version of 'Granada Reports' consisted solely of sex crimes, and new sex crimes each subsequent evening.

And they definitely don't like outsiders, they stick to their own...

1 minute ago, Youri McAnespie said:

And they definitely don't like outsiders, they stick to their own...

Darkie day innit

27 minutes ago, Rudy said:

Darkie day innit

Wales isn't much better.

Me and a mate went to a pub whilst on a geology week long field trip to watch a match, think Bo Hansen played.

The Welsh bastard landlord came over and wordlessly turned the telly off

We had the remote, he used a pool cue to switch the main off.

There was only the three of us in there.

The other lad was an asian lad.

Racist taff twat.

We were openly smoking bifters but had the courtesy of doing so in the doorway.

And we cleaned up our skinning up detritus into an ashtray before adjourning to the doorway to blaze.

It was Cornish folk who burned The Equalizer iirc.

 

Edited August 19, 20215 yr by Youri McAnespie

We told him we'd shortly be back to burn his pub down.

Retired to the only other pub.

They didn't even know what television was.

There was a pentacle on the wall.

The barmaids looked like the girls in the Windowlicker video.

And they only sold mead, in pewter tankards.

I'd honestly forgotten how much it rains back home. I mean, I don't mind as I'm stuck inside working but it's pissed it down for three days non-stop. 

 

scotland it is

Just refunded another £18k to clients this week for cancelled bookings.

41 minutes ago, Not in Crawley said:

I'd honestly forgotten how much it rains back home. I mean, I don't mind as I'm stuck inside working but it's pissed it down for three days non-stop. 

 

Rained? Rained? Have you been on drink?

Sporadic mild showers, if that.

I suppose 'dern sowf' it's like The French Riviera?

It (that shithole) could do with a bit of rain to cleanse the pollution from the air and clear talentless twat buskers off the streets.

If your hometown displeases you, go home to shangri-la, with it's tolerance for heroin addicted godawful open mic night musos, two hour commutes, living in shared houses in your forties, wearing New Balance and sneering at northerners whilst kidding yourself you're onto something good because there's some nice buildings to look at when you run the gauntlet of rude twats on your three hour journey home from working a pretend job.

Then eat some Lebanese food before getting stabbed on a night bus after getting chips chucked at you.

Not you personally, NiC.

Edited August 19, 20215 yr by Youri McAnespie

And white bellends who pretend they like grime.

And wear; jeans with turn-ups, hoodies and suit jackets over the top...

And go 'wild swimming' at some filthy lodge.

And pay £80 to go to the pictures to watch some bag of shit 'ironically'.

And claim they were in a crowd of thirty at The Libertines' first gig.

And go to 'Pret'.

And drink flat whites, that cost 7.9 thinking the rest of the provinces of Britain drinks Mellow Birds.

And eat Quinoa.

Which they pronounce as 'keen wah'.

And chuckle with self-inflated importance at anyone who says it 'quinn oar'.

And think they can speak four languages.

And go to farmer's markets on Sunday - where the produce is merely stuff from Asda's late Saturday night Whoopsies removed from the packets and with a bit of dirt from the park sprinkled on it.

 

What the fuck is wrong with Mellow Birds you massive snob?

I'd love to know what goes on inside your head @Youri McAnespie 😁

Doesn't offend me, just forgotten how wet it is.

Although I do like Lebanese food - there is a street food fair every thursday at Beckenham Place Park where we go after open lake swimming, I do have a pair of NB, and I've very rarely come across anyone who sneers at Notherners. Most are jealous about the cost of living.

 

3 minutes ago, Youri McAnespie said:

And eat Quinoa.

Which they pronounce as 'keen wah'.

And chuckle with self-inflated importance at anyone who says it 'quinn oar'.

And think they can speak four languages.

And go to farmer's markets on Sunday - where the produce is merely stuff from Asda's late Saturday night Whoopsies removed from the packets and with a bit of dirt from the park sprinkled on it.

 

I stole a load of whoopsies butties out of some tramps trolley once, when he wasn't looking, and then cut them into smaller triangles and sold them at the village fete next day, for £5 each by pretending it was artisan bread and locally sourced produce

1 minute ago, Spider said:

What the fuck is wrong with Mellow Birds you massive snob?

Posh people, like me, drink Maxwell House.

Southern ponces are right in that respect, only scrubber-dubbers drink Mellow Birds.

They'd occasionally make jugs of Mellow Birds at dinnertime at primary school.

There wouldn't be many takers on my table so me and a girl had the jug to ourselves...It was like an early taster of being on whizz.

5 minutes ago, Sweep said:

I'd love to know what goes on inside your head @Youri McAnespie 😁

7 minutes ago, Sweep said:

I stole a load of whoopsies butties out of some tramps trolley once, when he wasn't looking, and then cut them into smaller triangles and sold them at the village fete next day, for £5 each by pretending it was artisan bread and locally sourced produce

You bastard.

And tramp? I wear clothes made out of the finest silk.

Just now, Youri McAnespie said:

Posh people, like me, drink Maxwell House.

Southern ponces are right in that respect, only scrubber-dubbers drink Mellow Birds.

They'd occasionally make jugs of Mellow Birds at dinnertime at primary school.

There wouldn't be many takers on my table so me and a girl had the jug to ourselves...It was like an early taster of being on whizz.

I bet you stand in your enormous bay windows, clutching your cup of overpriced coffee in both hands, gazing whimsically into the the trees down at The Dell.

All instant coffee is a scam. Vats as big as apartment blocks on industrial estates in Worksop, LIvingstone, Droitwich and Skelmersdale are all full of the same watery brew waiting to be freeze dried. Then it's just a case of granule sizing to fool people like you into thinking there's a difference.

Mellow Birds is all the fine, dusty granules that slip through the cages reseved for L'or, and Maxwell House. Same stuff.

And you harp on about grapefruit juice in craft ale.

Pah.