My doctor has told me that as part of a wellman health check i should have a prostate exam. 

No probs, she's a bit of a milf and her fingers aren't too slender so I reckon it should be a pleasant appointment.

My only real concern is the etiquette around pre-visit cleansing. Will I be expected to fully empty the cargo hold? Goes without saying that I'll make sure my balloon knot is scrubbed to a high polish, but I'm worried that she'll expect me to have a proper empty beforehand, which is several hours before my regular tea time visit. I don't want to have a try and end up with half-ready biscuits clogging up the lobby.

Obviously, I'll have a tactical wank beforehand to prevent any slip ups there.

Douche yourself.

You can buy one for about a fiver on amazon or improvise with an empty bottle.

Just now, gonzo said:

Douche yourself.

You can buy one for about a fiver on amazon or improvise with an empty bottle.

Can I not just use a teaspoon?

41 minutes ago, Spider said:

Can I not just use a teaspoon?

You need to get a right good shoot up there.

Fairy liquid bottle or a water pistol 

43 minutes ago, gonzo said:

Douche yourself.

You can buy one for about a fiver on amazon or improvise with an empty bottle.

Ive just spent 15 minutes reading amazon reviews for enemas/ poo bulbs, it was thoroughly entertaining as expected.

Edited November 15, 20223 yr by lobbypond

Want me to administer a phosphate enema? 

3 hours ago, Spider said:

Can I not just use a teaspoon?

As a clag-scraper? Wife’s/girlfriend’s toothbrush is a better choice.

43 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

Want me to administer a phosphate enema? 

I’ll be round in an hour.

Will I need a change of clothes?

1 hour ago, Spider said:

I’ll be round in an hour.

Will I need a change of clothes?

Yeah bring your spare gimp suit 

2 hours ago, bolton_blondie said:

Want me to administer a phosphate enema? 

Will you be in uniform

5 minutes ago, athywhite1958 said:

Will you be in uniform

Of course. If you're doing it, do it properly 

Just now, bolton_blondie said:

Of course. If you're doing it, do it properly 

Ooooh! nurse😍

Didn't hang about spider lad

 

 

Wow, no comment about ringing yet....😀

6 minutes ago, gonzo said:

Didn't hang about spider lad

 

 

Deffo need a pinny on for that. 

9 minutes ago, gonzo said:

Didn't hang about spider lad

 

 

That’s not me

My space hopper is green.

And I’d make Blondie do it in the nip 

Just now, Spider said:

That’s not me

My space hopper is green.

And I’d make Blondie do it in the nip 

Your green one is hung up next to you, you lying bastard.

1 minute ago, Cheese said:

Your green one is hung up next to you, you lying bastard.

Rumbled

And got a walnut like a half eaten plum after she’s been at it

WTF? I thought DRE's were a thing of the past these days? All done by blood tests down here now.

I am not making allowances for Gonzo being a pegging fan though.

2 minutes ago, bolty58 said:

WTF? I thought DRE's were a thing of the past these days? All done by blood tests down here now.

I am not making allowances for Gonzo being a pegging fan though.

Asked my old Doc about 5 times for blood test wouldn’t send me he reckoned blood tests can be inaccurate.  When I found out I had new Doc sent me for blood test immediately, anyhow came back fine. 🤞

33 minutes ago, Mounts Kipper said:

Asked my old Doc about 5 times for blood test wouldn’t send me he reckoned blood tests can be inaccurate.  When I found out I had new Doc sent me for blood test immediately, anyhow came back fine. 🤞

Is that fingers crossed for your test results, or an emoji of what your doctor did to you…? 😁

Dunno about prostate but before all this covid, as soon as you were 55 you got sent for a bowel cancer screening test, that involved a camera up yer poo hole.

In the post your received a kit with a tube of summert that you squirted up before you went for your appointment, for some reason mine got cancelled and rearranged but they sent me another kit. Doesn't half clear you out mind.

So i might have a spare one somewhere, probably out of date now. They mustn't do it anymore coz my wife never even got to have a go.

On 15/11/2022 at 13:09, Spider said:

My doctor has told me that as part of a wellman health check i should have a prostate exam. 

No probs, she's a bit of a milf and her fingers aren't too slender so I reckon it should be a pleasant appointment.

My only real concern is the etiquette around pre-visit cleansing. Will I be expected to fully empty the cargo hold? Goes without saying that I'll make sure my balloon knot is scrubbed to a high polish, but I'm worried that she'll expect me to have a proper empty beforehand, which is several hours before my regular tea time visit. I don't want to have a try and end up with half-ready biscuits clogging up the lobby.

Obviously, I'll have a tactical wank beforehand to prevent any slip ups there.

They do it at the chemist now. Just go in and ask. 5 mins Max. If you're lucky they will do it in a private room.

2 hours ago, Whitestar said:

Dunno about prostate but before all this covid, as soon as you were 55 you got sent for a bowel cancer screening test, that involved a camera up yer poo hole.

In the post your received a kit with a tube of summert that you squirted up before you went for your appointment, for some reason mine got cancelled and rearranged but they sent me another kit. Doesn't half clear you out mind.

So i might have a spare one somewhere, probably out of date now. They mustn't do it anymore coz my wife never even got to have a go.

Me and my missus went to Bolton Royal around March for Bowel Cancer Screening, the stuff you have to drink the night before to clear you out is rancid

6 minutes ago, athywhite1958 said:

Me and my missus went to Bolton Royal around March for Bowel Cancer Screening, the stuff you have to drink the night before to clear you out is rancid

My Dad said its like drinking petrol

🤔 must be new stuff, i only got a tube of clear liquid with a tube on, now most geezers won't have read the instructions but I'm pretty sure you weren't supposed to drink it.